Features

Vintage Halloween Cards
by: -RoG-

...CONTINUED


Good luck this Halloween, and hey! Here's a black cat to help you out with it!


The pig apparently thought the ghost was tasty? It's a pig, what'd you expect?


We're all chums on Halloween.


Are those two little guys actually supposed to be the spirits of "good luck" and "cheer"?
I only ask because one of them looks like an annoying elf and the other looks like a depressed miniature grim reaper.
Not exactly the kind of spirits you want visiting you all year long.


HAIL! I'm pretty sure that pumpkin has braces. Perhaps it's a commentary
on the dental work you'll need after overindulging on candy?


Anybody care to join this Halloween suicide cult?


I'd look this shocked too if the witch broom I was riding ong had the severed head of a cat impaled on it.


I like how all the pumpkins are happy as can be except for that one on the top left.
He simply doesn't trust whatever those two young ones are up to.


Joyous? I dunno, those two kids don't look overjoyed. If anything, they look overmedicated.


Actually, scarecrows are made of sticks and straw... isn't that what a witch's broom is made of? If you ask me, that would make them more inclined to pay you a visit. If you really want a witch to pass you by, don't put out a scarecrow.


While the cat looks frightened, the chestnut doesn't seem to be screaming. In fact, it looks quite pleased
with how things worked out. My guess is that the chestnut planned this whole "scare the cat" prank.
The lesson we all learned here? Chestnuts are dicks.


Oompa Loompas and Halloween... together at last.


And if it's one of those trick self-relighting candles, you can sleep with the girlfriend/boyfriend of
whoever left it in front of you because that jerk just ruined your chances of ever getting married.


That kid is 100% unfiltered evil, and the pumpkin in his hand knows it.


The "thrill" being when the kid loses his balance and finds that wooden stake entering his rectal cavity.


I don't know about you, but I'm definitely sold on this holiday now!

Have any questions or comments about this piece?
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS IN THE READER COMMENTS SECTION BELOW!

 

If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:


Vintage Halloween Cards: Part 2!

and


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Reader Comments

Member
Sep 24th, 2008, 05:58 AM
Is the last one on the first page the origin of "LOL-CATZ" ?
Forum Virgin
Sep 24th, 2008, 05:58 AM
Really funny cards and commentary. I thought alot of those looked like they might've been Campbells Kids or somehow related, while a couple others reminded me of some of the Oz books (with Jack Pumpkinhead)... specifically the molested pumpkin.
Official Punching Bag
Sep 24th, 2008, 06:52 AM
Man, you'd never find these in Australia. But you've probably heard enough "no Halloween for Aussies" griping from me.

Good article!
Last of the Time Lords
Sep 24th, 2008, 06:55 AM
Both the girl and the cat in that "chums" card look like one of those Felix the Cat clocks with the eyes that go back and forth.
1.21 Gigawatts!!!
Sep 24th, 2008, 10:43 AM
Is it just me or does the card with the African-American child look a little racist. While it could be passed off for a ghost, the costume looks more like a KKK getup since the sheet looks more like a robe.

The card where the dwarf is molesting the pumpkin can be viewed the other way with the pumpkin trying to eat the dwarf.

Finally, that child looks a little too creepy holding the pumpkin in the “Halloween fun” card. It makes you wonder who makes this stuff up. Besides viewing Halloween in the same token as Christmas (With more than enough Jolly), some of these cards are just twisted and wrong.
Forum Virgin
Sep 24th, 2008, 10:48 AM
In the 8th pic, it looks like the creepy moon-face is leering at the witch's bottom. It's kinda the same look McCain gives Palin every now and again...
I like cheese.
Sep 24th, 2008, 10:54 AM
"The lesson we all learned here? Chestnuts are dicks."

I LOL'd.
SKATASTIC
Sep 24th, 2008, 11:34 AM
8th pic down, 1st page with the witch. Does she really have tiny little reins for her broom?
Forum Virgin
Sep 24th, 2008, 11:58 AM
My first wedding anniversary is this Halloween. I wouldn't be so lucky as to get one of these gems as a gift! They don't make them like this anymore, damnit! *kicks dirt*
Retardedly Handsome
Sep 24th, 2008, 12:19 PM
At what point did we decide to drop the apostrophe in Hallowe'en. I think I'm going to start right now and bring it back. On the other hand why is it needed.
Cell Regenerated Deadite
Sep 24th, 2008, 12:20 PM
Where's the Michael Myers Happy Halloween card?
Forum Virgin
Sep 24th, 2008, 01:33 PM
What does the Oompa Loompa card say? It looks like it says "If we were goth here, I bet I'd find a ded/red ear."
Forum Virgin
Sep 24th, 2008, 01:58 PM
The Oompa Loompa card freaks me out because the two on the right have no faces. It looks like they are melting together or are the twins from that one hellraiser movie where their faces become intertwined.

Also, not sure if you knew this Rog but the Friday the 13th show (series one) either came out yesterday or next tuesday on DVD. The show totally sucked but I watched it anyway. Now we just need the Nightmare on Elm Street show to come out on DVD.
Pickled Patriarch
Sep 24th, 2008, 02:28 PM
HowardC, my thoughts exactly. I believe it to be the earliest documented "lolcat" in existence.

Icculus, good question... I'm guessing it happened when the holiday came to the States. I'm pretty sure the apostrophe in there was the original Celtic spelling of the word. Also, Robert Burns wrote a poem called "Hallowe'en" in 1785, so you know it goes waaay back.

Bellamisty, actually it says "If we were both here, I bet I'd find a red ear." which doesn't make much more sense.

azrael2514, funny you should mention it, I actually have a blog post lined up talking all about the show that's going up in a little while. Keep an eye out for it.
Forum Virgin
Sep 24th, 2008, 03:36 PM
CHUMS?
Thats it?
What kind of card is that
Crazed Techno-Biologist
Sep 24th, 2008, 04:14 PM
Gosh, i cant believe people used to buy these things. How do you use em? slip them into people's candy or under their doors? Because I'd be pissed if i asked for candy and got a card.
Dirty Birdy
Sep 24th, 2008, 04:19 PM
Icculus
Retardedly Handsome
Sep 24th, 2008, 08:19 AM
At what point did we decide to drop the apostrophe in Hallowe'en. I think I'm going to start right now and bring it back. On the other hand why is it needed.


I think it's an abbreviation of All Hallows Eve. Hallows Evening? Hallow E'en = Halloween.

I'm with you on bringing it back, much creepier.
Retardedly Handsome
Sep 24th, 2008, 05:11 PM
could be...I'm really to lazy to google it.

It's creepy because there are some mystery letters in the that we just don't know. Maybe they are letter that shun't be spoken lest ye feel the wrath of creepy hallowe'en children.
Clobbersaurus
Sep 24th, 2008, 05:35 PM
Chestnuts are totally dicks. One time I was reading a book report in front of the class and Wally Chestnutterson pulled my pants down in front of everybody.
Forgets Passwords Easily
Sep 24th, 2008, 06:02 PM
"For a High Happy Halloween".... need I say more?
Ringmonster
Sep 24th, 2008, 07:28 PM
My all time favorite card is from the early 70's and depicts Frankenstein's Monster violating a terrified pumpkin.
pickled
Sep 24th, 2008, 08:28 PM
The last card did it for me.
Member
Sep 24th, 2008, 09:39 PM
They should make posters of these
Member
Sep 25th, 2008, 02:34 AM
I think of Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness cover every time I look at the 8th card, maybe because the witch is wearing a green dress and is flying into the night. Also, I beliebe those suckers in white robes with pumpkins are nothing more than KKK acolytes.
Member
Sep 25th, 2008, 02:35 AM
Now look at what I just typed:
"BelieBe"... Damn my ortography...
Member
Sep 25th, 2008, 05:26 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 10,000 Volt Ghost View Post
8th pic down, 1st page with the witch. Does she really have tiny little reins for her broom?
Yes, yes she does. I went back up and checked. Why? No fricking clue *laughs*

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bellamisty View Post
What does the Oompa Loompa card say? It looks like it says "If we were goth here, I bet I'd find a ded/red ear."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mockery View Post
Bellamisty, actually it says "If we were both here, I bet I'd find a red ear." which doesn't make much more sense.
It looks like on the picture they're shucking corn (probably Indian corn) which can be different colors (including red.) The only thing I can think of is that red ears have some sort of signifigance between two people (hence the "if we were both here") Without knowing, though, I got nothing else.

Anyone else notice the typo on the Chestnut card? "Screemed" No. Nonono. And to an English major, that's terrifying *laughs*
Member
Sep 25th, 2008, 06:03 AM
Damn those are racist
OH GOD
Sep 25th, 2008, 06:19 AM
your racist
1.21 Gigawatts!!!
Sep 25th, 2008, 11:33 AM
I think the “good luck” would have to go to the elf to either a) not get bitch-slapped for hanging off of the pumpkin or b) not falling on his ass for being stupid.

The “good cheer” would have to go to the miniature grim reaper. Maybe he is taking the “goth” thing too seriously and just needs a big hug. Maybe if he hunted with the oompa loompas for red ears, death would be a little more cheerful.
good fer what ails ye.
Sep 25th, 2008, 06:11 PM
That little girl from "chums" is clearly forcing her cat to look at that cat head impaled on the broom. "If you aren't my chum FOREVER, you get that TOO!!!!!!
The Geminate
Sep 25th, 2008, 06:32 PM
I want to talk to you about Turkey Beings on television. I think that there are too many Turkey Beings on television. Turkey Beings shouldn't even be on television. Why do we have Turkey Beings on television? What? Turkey Beans? Oh...never-mind.

What the hell is a Turkey Bean? Are they on television? Oh...never-mind.
Forum Virgin
Sep 25th, 2008, 07:57 PM
on the hail hallowe'en card what is the sombrero wearing midget doing to that kid
Forum Virgin
Sep 26th, 2008, 08:33 PM
If I had to guess, the "red ear" might refer to how one's ears redden when they blush. I have to say, these are pretty off-the-wall cards. I'd say this is definite proof that Hallowe'en was a lot scarier back when and that children always have been and always will be the scariest beings in existence.
per sempre vigilante
Sep 27th, 2008, 04:03 AM
Strange... I was listening to Smashing Pumpkins as I was reading this. o_o
Forum Virgin
Sep 28th, 2008, 10:51 PM
Someone should tell Phanto that you never go ass to mouth.
Forum Virgin
Oct 8th, 2008, 02:32 PM
Check out how the moon is leering at the witch in green.
Pygmy Extraordinaire
Nov 22nd, 2008, 05:45 AM
I have always loved these types of cards, along with the other vintage style Halloween items that pop up on those auction sites around Halloween. I started collecting them a while ago, but now I am looking at them in a whole new light.
sadomasochist
Feb 21st, 2009, 06:43 PM
AWESOME
Member
Feb 28th, 2009, 05:15 PM
"I think of Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness cover every time I look at the 8th card, maybe because the witch is wearing a green dress and is flying into the night."

Actually, it reminds me more of a Miller High Life logo.
Forum Virgin
Oct 22nd, 2012, 07:21 AM
On the second-to-last, read "If you would not be a sphincter still..."

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