by: -RoG-

Okay, two things here:
1) I just learned that "jollity" is a word.
and
2) That pumpkin is totally going to murder that girl and make the owl watch the entire gruesome act.

Again... closing your eyes and pretending something isn't there will NOT make it go away.

You know that old "reach your hand in the bag of popcorn at the movie theater and find a surprise" prank?
Yeah, well it actually originated with jack-o-lanterns.

Its eyes say everything.

Who me? Well, my turn-ons are long walks on the beach, romantic walks in the moonlight,
and making out while standing in the middle of huge carved pumpkins while animals watch on in horror.

It's bad enough that a pumpkin would open a portal unleashing a mist of evils into this world,
but do it have to do it right on top of your delicious dessert cake?

When making a card that reads "Joyous Hallowe'en" you might want to have your
quality control department double check it to make sure everyone in the picture looks joyous.

This is one of the many things that putting narcotics inside jack-o-lanterns can lead to.

Hey... you'd make the same expression if you looked up a pumpkin man's kilt.

Hey witch, here's an idea: feed your cat so it doesn't have to dine on your hair.

Oh I see... first they open an evil portal on top of your cake,
then they steal it while you're dealing with demons.

An early look at the dreaded Pumpkin Eaters gang, stealing their faces from an angry pumpkin farmer.

Well since you put it that way...

Forget the flying broom... ever heard of a car or a bicycle? Get off your lazy ass and come visit me!

Things got even creepier when she busted out the dueling banjos tune from Deliverance.

Apparently your fate is determined entirely by the surface texture of a beet. Who knew?

Huzzah! We've all been blessed by a visit from the lucky Halloween walnut fairy goddess!
It's a Halloween miracle!

Have any questions or comments about this piece?
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS IN THE READER COMMENTS SECTION BELOW!