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by: Killing Joke

Ahh yes... the college years of a young person. Considered by many people to be the most important years of oneís life. Itís the stepping stone to oneís future career where they will prosper as young adults in a lucrative (and high paying) job of their choice. Where the caterpillar-like intellect blossoms into a butterfly-like career. It seems like itís almost too good to be true, like a dream, right?

Well then, SNAP OUT OF IT!!!! Because the college experience is possibly the biggest money pilfering, crock of shit known to modern society. You throw thousands of dollars into tuition, books, food, etc., for this so-called career enhancing experience and you get absolutely nothing in return. After your 4-6 year tenure, you come to the end of the college rainbow, only to find out there is NOTHING but a big steaming pile of shit waiting for you.

At this point you are most likely thinking, "I bet he didnít do well in college, so thatís why heís so bitter about it." Well bub, I hate to break it to you, but I did pretty dee-darned well in college. I almost always had a GPA above 3.0; I studied overseas at Cambridge for a term, and graduated on the deanís list. A person like me shouldnít have any problems in the world, right? WRONG! After I got out of college, Iíve found out that there is nothing out there waiting for me. Believe me, I tried! So right now, Iím stuck working in a music store in a MALL as a bottom-rung manager with little or no chance for anything better. I know Iím not the only one who is stuck in this predicament either. Most of the I-mockery staffers are bitter and hateful for this fact alone!

Nothing humors me more than when I run into a nice wide-eyed college freshman and listen to them talk on and on about what they are going to do. 

"Oh, Iím gonna major in biology, business, and psychology! Iím going to be able to do anything later on in my life!!!"

I find it humorous mainly because I thought almost EXACTLY like them when I was at their point of life. Luckily enough, I started to see the light around my junior year of college. One could almost consider it an epiphany of sorts. I was sitting in class, being lectured on something that I didnít care about, when it dawned upon me that; "this is a complete waste of my time." Which at that point, I still got good grades, but I took school a lot more lightly. The best example of this is when people asked me in my senior year what I was going to do after college; I would stare them in the face with a perfectly straight face and respond with "McDonaldís." Which would make the person recoil in disgust, fear, or humor (they are they minority that understood the truth).

So if you are a current or future college student reading this, I have this sage-like advice to give to you. You still can go to college, because for many people it shall be the last chance of living a carefree, guiltless lifestyle before the cold brass knuckles of reality come hurdling down to knock your teeth out. So enjoy your life now! Drink! Smoke! Be merry! For impending, unstoppable doom shall eventually come to you. Or maybe itís time to just go straight to your worthless job right now, just think how much money youíll save either yourself or your family!

This I-Mockery Greeting Card about sums it up.

But for these people that INSIST on getting a degree, sometimes that worthless piece of paper can work in your favor. To some people, it shows them that at least you arenít a complete moron. Which might mean you can get an even better job, like being a manager at Subway! Sure, your intellect might be raised from taking all those hard classes. But having a high intellect doesnít pay the bills pal! 

I donít want sound like some revolutionary or anything (by all means, Iím not) But most people who get these kick-ass jobs; normally get them through their privileged family connections or they fall into it ass-backwards out of pure luck. Either way, if you are a normal person like me: YER SCREWED. So shut up, and get back to flipping burgers like the rest of us miserable people out there and think about better days. Like when you were a kid, when the hardest thing in your life was if you were going to get home from the playground in time to catch the next episode of the Transformers. Yessiree... the good ol` days...

note: Killing Joke actually went to college at one of those "trucking schools". But, when he showed up drunk off his ass for his final driving test, he blew it. And just look at him now. Now he's stuck writing crap for this site. Man, college REALLY didn't help him!

note #2: -RoG- saved an assload of money & grief by leaving college early so that he can now spend an assload of money on his apartment and receive assloads of grief from his job.

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