Please don't feed PickleMan
Please don't feed PickleMan
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by: -RoG-

I was looking outside today and I was thinking to myself, "Why the hell do people spend so much time mowing their lawns?". Well I've come to the conclusion that these people need hobbies. It's just going to keep growing back, you can't win the battle against your lawn by constantly mowing it. There's really no point. So don't mow your lawn.

What's the worst that could happen? The grass will only grow but so high. And if it gets high enough, you won't have to look at your annoying neighbors anymore. I've actually heard of places where they REQUIRE you to groom your yard. Like these snobby communities can't tolerate one yard that looks different from all the others. What the hell is up with that? 

If you're going to spend a lot of time working on your lawn, yard, etc... then at least make it a GOOD yard. I'm not talking about the kind of yard that has a million different flowers and bushes that were imported from Bolivia or some crap. No, no, no... I'm talking about the PEE-WEE HERMAN kind of yard! A million obnoxious lawn ornaments, toys, farm animals... YOU NAME IT! If you don't know what I'm talking about, see "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" and check out his front yard. It rules!

For those of you who don't own a house but your parents make you mow their lawn, tell them to kiss your shiny little ass. It's not worth the measly 5 bux they pay you (*IF* they pay you at all. Why do they want you to mow their lawns? Because they've been mowing their entire friggin' lives and now they're too old and tired to fight that never-ending battle. So they've passed it onto you.

In fact, I'm pretty damned sure that's the only reason adults have kids anyway. (wife looks to husband) "Honey, can you mow the lawn this weekend?" (husband looks to wife) "You know dear, I think it's about time we had ourselves a kid!"

You know it's true. You weren't created because your parents wanted a little bastard that they could love and nurture for all eternity... HELL NO. They gave birth to you because they wanted a slave. And a slave you are if you let them make you mow their lawn.

For you kids who are sick of mowing the lawn, I've got the solution for you. Next time your parents are out, call up a places that does driveway pavements. Tell them that you want your entire yard PAVED! Also be sure to place the lawnmower in the middle of the yard and make sure they pave OVER the lawnmower itself. The lawnmower will be rendered completely useless and the yard will be DEAD! Imagine it, beautiful black pavement surrounding your entire house! Now that's a yard that I'd be DAMNED PROUD OF!

Some people have a green thumb, mine is black.

The Lawn
You Have
The Lawn
You Could Have

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