|
OMG, here it is the new year already so anyways; I can’t believe
it’s almost three months since I joined this community and I
know I don’t like, LIVE HERE the way I used to so if you are a
newbie and don’t know who I am fuck you; OK. Anyways, LOL, if
you don’t know who I am you are LMAO. No, just kidding. NOT!!!
So I got to thinking maybe my spending, like, most of my time
on-line with people I don’t know just because they share a
rather unique and frowned upon INTEREST is maybe NOT the most
mature thing in the world? And also I got to thinking that
whereas I’ve been telling you all I’m a hot chick when in point
of fact I am such a morbidly obese gentleman I have to use the
JAWS OF LIFE just to get into the BATHROOM of my DOUBLE WIDE,
and also I’m not fifteen? Or a model? Well, anyways, maybe some
of you other ‘Hot Chicks’ are also lying and I feel kind of sick
because, To be blunt ‘When I think About You, I Touch Myself.’
OMG I am so drunk but that song was great. The point is I’m
sorry I lied. Sort of. I mean, I do think about sex all the time
but I’m not a ‘Barely Legal’ constantly mistaken for Liv Tyler.
I do have pointed ears, but they only stay on with lots of
spirit gum and they came in a baggie and I bought them at a
convention and also? I think they were to be Tuvok? ‘Cause the
skin tone is wrong. For me anyway.
So my new years resolution is NOT to DO the thing we gather here
to discuss ANY MORE! Or at least cut down on it. Anyways not
talk to you losers about it. Oh and also if I find a pastry that
I hid and it’s more than a year past the expiration date? NOT
eat it. And talk to my Mom in other ways besides parroting back
what she just said in a nasty, high-pitched imitation of her, at
least in and around the days she gets her chemo. Or get better
at doing her voice, because truth be told it just doesn’t sound
at all like her. Oh, and if when I find a pastry that’s more
than a year past it’s expiration date and I feel myself even
marginally leaning toward doing that other thing with it? Eat it
right away. And if I do the other thing? NOT get online and tell
you all. I mean, honestly, teenage promiscuous runaway or not,
that is just gross. Some things cannot be moderated, even by
hotness. So YES, I AM ashamed and YOU should be TOO! It ISN’T
nice and it ISN’T empowering and there’s a reason our
‘Community’ isn’t out their chanting "We’re here, we’re doing
unspeakable things with expired pastry, get used to it." That
being said if anyone out there has the link to the Romulan/Olive
Oil/Hostess Snowball; Best Before 6/30/76, I lost my bookmarks
when my computer crashed last month. I mean, to paraphrase Oscar
Wilde, "If there’s one thing I can’t avoid, it’s looking at
pictures of sci-fi aliens finding release with a coconut covered
ball of dough." And I want that picture to remember what I’m NOT
going to do anymore because I am OFF the Internet ONCE and FOR
ALL! So don’t PM me begging me to come back, Don’t Flame me on
the board thinking that’ll get me mad enough to come back
because I’m not even going to READ this thing ANYMORE! And
Before Militant Twinkie blows crème out his blowhole at me, no,
lurking and looking at pics is NOT THE SAME THING and using your
moderator status to inform people I am in a VIOLATION OF MY
PRIVACY and VERY IMMATURE, and NOBODY thinks you are a ‘Lanky,
Redheaded Tomboy’ and the picture you posted can be found in
frames for sale at Walmarts all over the country.
So that’s it for me and this time I mean it, not like on my
birthday, I was SO drunk that time I passed out in front of the
door and Mom missed her chemo and got totally mad at me, like
missing her chemo was MY fault and saying she couldn’t climb
over me was so TOTALLY passive aggressive all I could do was go
"Oh, My name is Mom and I missed my chemo because I’m so lame I
couldn’t climb over you" in this really high pitched imitation
of her. And then I got to thinking how it didn’t sound all that
much like her and I had a shame spiral. And I found this really
old Ring Ding? And I was gonna eat it? But than the other thing
happened and initially it felt great and then my shame spiral
got worse because I had to admit to myself I pretended I was
Seven of Nine. And I pretended the Ding-Dong was a Yodel. Not
that it’s any of your business. Get your goddamn thrills
somewhere else. I am like totally too busy for you since I’m
meeting some friends of mine at the mall to get a shirt that
shows my belly piercing and Darryl said he’d pay to get me my
Twinkie The Kid touching his ass and saying "Too Hot For You"
Tattoo. The Tattoo guy wants me to model for him, right? And I’m
like all, Nah, I’ll just do you for free piercings. Anyways,
later.
|
