I wish I did more art. Made more things. I like to make things.
I wish I made things and sold them.
I wish I sold them and folks came around and paid a lot of money
for them and said "Now those are some nice things." I oughta be
up all night stripped to the waist, a brush in my hand, another
in my teeth, obscure as shit modern classical music blasting out
of a beat up, paint
spattered, pink Hello Kitty tape deck I filched from a Wal-Mart,
making things that people would open their wallets for and say
"MAN, you seen these things?"
Wish Iíd kissed that girl in high school. Wish Iíd been born
with better cheekbones. Know what would have been good? If it
turned out Iíd been adopted and was the child of someone
special, if I had some sort of birth right. Wish Iíd found out
at some point I had a birthright to claim.
I should have bought that car when I had the money and driven
cross-country with the top down. I should have driven through
the desert like a madman with one hand on the wheel and some
real keen shades and a killer chick laughing Ďcause we are CRAZY
and we do not give a shit. I wish that car I never bought had
been a convertible.
If I could say, "Man, you should have seen it. Hail the size of
softballs" and not be lying, that would be something, right? If
someone would ask me "Whereíd you get that tattoo?" and I could
pull on a hand rolled smoke and say "Damned if I know" between
tight grit teeth. I wish Tattooís werenít as common as the god
damn cold. I wish I didnít think it would hurt so much to get
one. I should have looked squinted like a young Clint Eastwood.
I should have broken that guys nose for asking. I should have
been so mean I killed a guy just for snoring.
Is it too late to be the kind of guy you donít want to get mixed
up with? Is it really too late for that? I mean, shit. I could
fit in those old pants again if I worked at it.
Itís not like Iím asking for a Talk show. I just think I should
have been a frequent guest. The kind you go "Oh, that guy, man
this show rocks whenever that guys on, that host? Has got some
CHEMISTRY with that guy. I wonder what the hell that guy has
been up to since the last time he was on?"
If Iíd never have said Iíd do half the things I said Iíd do, Iíd
sure as hell be someone different now. Argue with that. Hell, If
I did all the things I said Iíd do, Iíd be different. My own
mother wouldnít recognize me. Or yours.
Should have got on the ground floor of the goddamn Internet and
got out before the damn thing collapsed. Wish I did. Timing, you
know? Donít tell me. Iíve been there. Thatís a block Iíve been
all the way around and I wish like hell I hadnít, so donít tell
Wish I had a dime for every time your cake hole was catching
flies. Wish Iíd tied my wagon to another star, hell anything, I
could have tied my wagon to a stray dog with Alzheimerís, I
mean, my Jesus Wept, wouldnít it have been nice to have
something besides a frigginí WAGON in the first place?
Tell you what, though. I blame you. Because you enabled the shit
out of me and that is the god damn truth, that is a truth you
can take to the bank and CARVE your damn signature into, because
it is Granite, my friend.
Oh, yes. Granite.
Iíll tell you something else. This is not over. Not by a long
shot. Iím going to do some very big things before they pull the
curtain. The hell if Iím going into a box without leaving my
goddamn mark. Count on it. Count to Goddamn one hundred with
your eyes god damn closed and no god damn peeking. THEN look for
me. Good frigginí luck.
Thatís what I wish I said.