Like many of you, I've witnessed the rampant revisionism going
on in the US in the wake of the World Trade Center attack, and
the annoyance in my mind has been growing steadily with each
passing instance. But when I recently heard that the suggestion
had been made that Peter Jackson, director of the Lord of the
Rings movies, change the title of the second installment from
"The Two Towers" to something a little more "politically
correct", that was more bullshit than I could take.
That title has suited the book just fine in the half-century or
so since its publication, and it is completely fucking
RIDICULOUS to ask that he change the title of the film version
of the book. It may be an unfortunate bit of timing, but that's
just too bad now, isn't it? You can't change history, and if you
need to pretend it didn't happen to make yourself feel better,
well that's your own mental derangement, and don't try to PUSH
it on the rest of us.
A controversial pic of Frodo from
Lord of The Rings in which he bears a turban.
If Jackson were to change the title, I have a few suggestions
for the whiney PC fucks that want to turn this tragedy into some
kind of make-believe fairy tale mishap. How about he renames the
movie to "THE TWO TOWERS: CRASH AND BURN!!". Would that suit you
better? Or maybe "THE WORLD TRADE CENTER DONE GOT BLOWED THE
FUCK UP!!" Or perhaps even "SOME HOBBITS HIJACK SOME GIANT
EAGLES AND FLY THEM INTO THE TWO TOWERS WHICH ARE NOT UNLIKE THE
WORLD TRADE CENTER IN THAT THEY ARE TOWERS...AND THERE ARE TWO
OF THEM, GEOGRAPHICAL DISTANCES BETWEEN THEM NOTWITHSTANDING". I
think any of those would do. You know, just to show that there's
NO confusion here that the movie is NOT in fact related to the
events of September 11th in any way, shape or
Of course, this is by no means the only example of this
revisionism bullshit. It just happens to be the most recent, and
one of the most ridiculous. In several recent films, such as "Zoolander"
and "People I Know", the Twin Towers have been edited out
entirely. The upcoming "The Time Machine", in which our hero
travels to 2002 had them digitally removed, but you see, THAT
makes sense. Cuz see, it's 2002 now, and the Twin Towers don't
exist. So THAT is historically accurate. But why try to change
the past, even in the fictional reflection of our world? For
decades the towers stood tall and proud over New York City, so
TAKE that and be PROUD of it.
I'm even hearing silly rumors now that in the upcoming "Special
Edition" re-release of E.T. (which is a whole rant in itself)
they edited the Twin Towers out of the movie. Maybe it's just
me, but I don't remember them being IN the movie in the first
place? But if they were, it wouldn't surprise me to see them
removed. Maybe they're ADDING them in, only so they can
digitally remove them later?
And then of course there's the Microsoft Flight Simulator
series, which has had the World Trade Center removed from all
new editions (and a patch to remove it from OLD editions... why?
Shouldn't the Flight Sim for 2000 reflect the world as it WAS in
2000?), as well as rumors of them removing the ability to crash
planes into buildings and other similar obstacles. Fortunately
the latter seems to have remained just that: a rumor. But you
know of course that would have fooled the terrorists, because
they are obviously all stupid barbarians who learn about life
from video games. Of course they would have then taken the WRONG
lesson from that, discovering that they can NOW fly virtual
planes through buildings without getting hurt!
But MOST insulting of ALL is what they are doing with the
Playstation 2 game Grand Theft Auto 3 in response to our "more
violent" world. You may have heard that the game has been banned
in Australia, and you may have heard rumors of a ban or limited
retail availability in the US. Well, I'm here to deliver the
sad, sad truth to you. The game IS in fact being removed from
the shelves, with a new edited version to be released sometime
early this spring. The newly titled "Grand Theft Bake Sale" no
longer follows the adventures of a criminal thug who jacks cars
for the mob, but rather a shy and gentle high-school boy named
Simon who is trying to save his grandmother from illness by
raising enough money for a sorely needed operation. All
criminals and street thugs have been replaced with inoffensive
fluffy pink bunnies that should add to the new good-natured fun
of the game.
A pink bunny now appears in the game to give
it a much more wholesome, family-oriented appeal.
No longer will he be stealing cars, he'll be
holding bake sales to get his grandma that
operation she so desperately needs!
Even the box-art for the game has been changed.
left-box = original. right-box = new.
Surely in light of such a change another "September 11th" or
"Columbine" will never happen again. Yes, in this new America we
can sit around all day and watch Teletubbies, shitting in our
adult diapers while eating "Olean" chips and farting grease
spots on the couch. Because it is JUST such a nation of
incompetent simpering weakling boobs that our forefathers
envisioned when they fought for our freedom so long ago.
note: Protoclown has utmost respect
for those who were affected by the September 11th tragedy, and
feels that more energy should be directed toward remembering it
rather than trying to forget about it entirely.