Please don't feed PickleMan
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by: -RoG-

I would just like to take a moment to give thanks to the security guards in my apartment building for doing such a good job. Every single night they risk their lives by sitting at that front desk. I'm sure they sit there trembling all night long... no gun in hand, just a telephone. Perhaps it is because of this that they DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THEIR FUCKING JOB.

Tell me, why do I have a key to this building. Is it to make me feel special? Is it for me to show off to other people as I open the door, "Why yes, I do live here. ha ha!"? Or is it just for a completely false sense of security? If you picked the last option, you chose wisely. These idiotic security guards don't check IDs or anything. They open the door for complete strangers all the time. Believe me I know, I see them do it every day.

A guy walks up with a bloody knife in hand, "Damn I can't find my keys!". The security guard hops up with excitement, "Don't worry about it sir! I can let you in!". I think that about sums up the kind of "security" they're offering here.

Damn, I can't find my keys!

And if it's not them letting psychopaths into the building, it's their wonderful handling of packages. Whenever anybody here receives a package, the security guards keep it in a back room and they leave a little slip taped on your mailbox for it. You bring this slip to them and then you sign for the package. Seems perfectly reasonable right? WRONG.

It would help if they checked the people's ID's or something before they let them sign for it! That's right, they don't check ID's. They just accept whatever signature you give them and then the package is yours. There's way too many people here for them to know everybody's name by heart, so I know they're full of it. 

Stolen packages... Homicidal Maniacs being let in on a daily basis... what's next? Why don't they start cleaning the floors and not putting out "slippery when wet" signs so we can all break our fucking necks. Or how about they start handing out copies of the keys to our apartments to anybody. It'll be an "open community" where we can all go in each other's apartments and take what we want and kill who we please. Sounds great to me.

Again, I just wanted to thank the apartment security guards of the world for doing such a great job. Keep up the great work, assholes...

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