Please don't feed PickleMan
Please don't feed PickleMan
About Us Store Advertising Contact New to I-Mockery? Register an account and join in the pickled fun! New to I-Mockery? Register an account and join in the pickled fun!


by: -RoG-

Most people I know tell me that I'm one of the angriest bastards they know. When they think of people who are going to cheer everybody up and make them feel great about life, they usually don't look to me. In fact, many of them think I'm too negative for my own good. I disagree. I don't think I'm negative enough for my own good. My new goal is to reach the ultimate, uncharted depths of negativity. Why? Because it will make my death the most awesome thing ever experienced by a single human being.

"Say What?"

Yeah yeah... bear with me and allow me to explain.

I want to be the most negative person the world has ever seen because that will ensure that I don't use up any of my serotonin. What is serotonin? "Serotonin is one of a group of chemical messengers known as neurotransmitters that carry out communication in the brain and body." Basically, the amount of Serotonin you have floatin' around up there in your brain can be directly related to how happy you are.

People who take drugs like "E" experience moments of bliss and happiness because the serotonin in their brain is released. But after the first time, they're always trying to catch that same "high". Too bad for them, they never can catch that same "high" again. They'll never have that much serotonin in their brain ever. It's a one time thing.

When you die, all your serotonin is released into your noggin and that's prolly why so many people who have "come back from death" have said how peaceful it was. Now think about this for a minute:

Why would you possibly want to waste that serotonin now when you can use it all up in the final moments of your life?

If you keep yourself angry, cynical, negative, etc. your entire life, you will have a virtual keg of serotonin stored up there in your brain! When your d-day comes along all that serotonin will be ready to go and your death will be the most pleasant thing you'll ever experience! AH HAH! Now you see where I'm coming from!

If you've done a lot of drugs like "E", welp, I'm sorry to tell ya... your death will SUCK. Hahahahahah! When you die, you won't have shit for serotonin in your head. Hell, your brain probably now has a huge COUNTRY MUSIC collection stored up there instead. And when you die, you're going to be bombarded with visions of square dancing and "achy breaky heart"! 

For those of you who haven't done any of that shit and you're just keeping that anger going strong... listen up. Don't listen to anybody who tells you it's unhealthy to be so angry all the time. The key is: Stay angry. Don't waste your serotonin. Save it all up. Save every last drop of it. If you want to have some "joy" in your life without wasting your serotonin, there's plenty of other things you can do. Eat a real Philly Cheesesteak. Kill your neighbor's dog. Whatever floats your boat. But if you're wise, you won't use up that serotonin o' yours!

If you do these things. If you save that serotonin. If you keep yourself perfectly angry, your death will simply kick ass. And if it doesn't, well... you'll be dead, so you won't be able to blame me anyway.

The Choice Is Yours.

Come talk about this piece in our forums!

Back To Visionary Darkness Main

[Minimocks] [Articles] [Games] [Mockeries] [Shorts] [Comics] [Blog] [Info] [Forum] [Advertise] [Home]

Copyright © 1999-2007 I-Mockery.com : All Rights Reserved : (E-mail)
No portion of I-Mockery may be reprinted in any form without prior consent
We reserve the right to swallow your soul... and spit out the chewy parts.