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VIDEO STORE 9-11-01
by: -RoG-

Well, a million people have expressed their opinions about the recent acts of terrorism here in the United States. I'm not going to bore you with my opinions on the war itself today, because there are plenty of message boards out there for that (including our own) which I'm sure you've already been involved in. Instead, I want to talk to you about how I had to spend my evening during this national crisis at the video store where I work. And then I want to share with you something that I witnessed which was just as surreal as seeing the twin towers collapse before my very eyes. 

So let us begin...

My entire day was already gone as I was glued to my TV watching all of the chaos ensue, so it was damned near impossible for me to drag myself away from it to call into work. I was calling to see if they were actually going to be open tonight and whether or not I had to come in. You see, I THOUGHT the boss might have one tiny SHRED of intelligence in his body, but apparently he doesn't. He decided that keeping the video store open was a good idea!

A GOOD IDEA!?!? This is a day in which NOBODY in their right fucking mind would want to rent a movie. NOBODY. How can any movie compare to all of the chaos that was going on in real-life on our television sets right before our very eyes? No movie can, and I tried explaining that to my boss and the co-workers, but they were all too damned thick-skulled to listen to the constantly angry freak-boy. He could have been cool and said, "Go home and be with your friends and families or go donate some blood. Today we'll forget about work." He could have, but he didn't.

So fine, I didn't like it, but I was stuck working there for the remainder of the day. I figured I'd just watch the news on our TV all day long. Then I realized that we didn't get ANY stations on the TV... it only played movies from the VCR. DAMNIT!!! So we had to use this shitty AM radio that was so scratchy and hard to get any reception, it almost made me feel like I was buried under all of that rubble in New York.

I was already fuming about being basically cut-off from all of the news going on in the outside world. We didn't have many customers the entire night... but the fact is, we shouldn't of had ANY customers. And here's where it got REAL BAD...

Some idiot comes walking into the store and says "Hey! Did ya hear about New York?". Mind you it was already 9pm when this baboon walked into the video store. I don't think there was anybody that hadn't heard about what happened in New York by that time. But I shrugged that stupid statement off in hopes that this guy would go away so that I could fiddle with the AM radio some more and try to determine if I was listening to a World War or a commercial for Pepto Bismol.

And then he came up to the front desk...

Now brace yourself, because this fool single-handedly has made me lose any SLIVER of hope for mankind.

This clump of primordial ooze with a wallet was renting "DUDE WHERE'S MY CAR?". 

I repeat: "DUDE WHERE'S MY CAR?".

I stared at him in disbelief. This had to be a joke. But it wasn't. I was completely speechless. He paid the money and I handed the movie to him. "Thanks!" he said, and he walked out of the store with glee. Man, if you thought seeing those two towers collapse was surreal, imagine trying to comprehend how a person could decide, "Hey, you know what? It's high time I rent 'DUDE WHERE'S MY CAR?'!" on the day of one of the most devastating attacks in our nation's history. Probably the biggest news story we'll ever see in our entire lifetime. Incredible news stories and disaster footage developing throughout the day and this fuck rents none other than "DUDE WHERE'S MY CAR?".

If you know anybody that rented this movie on 9-11-01 (let alone any other day)... PUMMEL THEM.

I'm sorry folks, I give up. You're on your own. I'm turning in my "human" badge. I'm no longer a part of this race. I can't allow myself to be associated with the same species of jackass like that pathetic waste of a man. But before I go, how about we gather anybody else who rented a movie today. Let's gather them all up and put them in a really tall building and send an aircraft filled with tons of fuel crashing into it. Perhaps then the reality of the situation will strike them as a little bit more interesting than watching goddamned "Dude Where's My Car?".


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