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WAL-MART: LORDS OF THE UNDERWORLD
by: Killing Joke

Smiling sedate faces greet you at the door, a sterile blue/white background, brainwashing music plays in the background, and the evil icon glares at you from all angles. As you walk down corridors upon corridor of the exact same thing, the mindless over-weight drones stare at you while you pass by them. No, this isn't an excerpt from Orwell's book 1984, nor is this a scene from the movie THX-1138. This is a far scarier vision, and what makes it so frightening is that this one is REAL. What is this horrifying being? It's WAL-MART! 

This place is pure evil; it ranks right up there with Disney and Microsoft as being the all time lords of the underworld. But Wal-Mart takes it one step farther than all of those other companies by actually being a swarming seething pit of Satanism. This place is so evil that Anton LaVey should have been the president of the company! Sure they have nice cheap stuff, but at what cost?! 

Few people know this fact, because they simply blinded by the super low prices and super duper happy people (who are actually demons in disguise) that surround them to reassure them that they are in a place of good repute. Even those who know the truth, suppress it, because they wish to save money. Of course by this denial, they end up siding with the devil!

I figured this interesting fact out when I was shopping for some work-clothes at there and I accidentally went into the storeroom. Where to my amazement, they where right in the middle of a Satanic black mass! There was that gigantic annoying happy face (with an inverted pentagram inside of it) was glaring down upon its unholy worshipers with a giant bonfire burning brightly. Where these followers were dancing pagan dances while gleefully slaughtering little children and kittens with the greatest of ease and then consuming the vital organs for their own carnal delight. I was so horrified by this sight, I ran out of there immediately screaming with terror!

After I saw this event, I realized that they have subliminal tactics to try to win over new converts and create mass murderers with their commercials. You know the jingle, "Put on a happy face! We're slashing our prices all over the place... so put on a happy face!" But if you listen closely you hear what they REALLY saying, "Put on a evil face! We're slashing people all over the place! So put on an evil face!" After you hear this song a million times, you'll end up minion of true evil; you'll be brainwashed! It's like watching the movie science fiction thriller, They Live, except this is a reality and NOT a movie. 

If you keep frequenting this place, your hair will start growing in the back of your head (while the front stays short), you will start to avoid showering, and your stomach still start to expand greatly. One would believe you are becoming a redneck, but in reality, it's the slow process of turning into one of the demons of Wal-Mart. After awhile, you'll be listening to Garth Brooks (who is actually Satan himself) and watching wrestling non-stop! So you I-Mockers beware! Now you have been told the truth, so avoid this place if you can. Run, hide, and fear this place as much as you can! Because if this place keeps growing it will truly be the end of the world as we know it!

Wal-Mart. YEEEEEEEEEEEE HAWWWWWWWW!!

note: -RoG- would like to add to this article that there are WAY TOO MANY trucks with camouflage parked outside of Wal-Mart every time he has been there. Camouflage doesn't really work in a parking lot. You can clearly see the trucks.


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