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I HATE WRESTLING
by: Killing Joke

America is completely obsessed with professional wrestling these days and if you haven't figured out at this point, then it means you are living in cave or you are just damn lucky to live in an area that is 100% free of morons. But just like every other thing that America gets preoccupied with, it's the most completely stupid and pathetic thing one can be exposed to. It's like watching a soap opera minus ANY intelligence what so ever. I mean when you are five years old, I can actually understand the inane appeal of this so-called "sport." Because the bathroom humor and the child like script appeals to a person that hasn't formed a cognitive intellect yet. But grown men and women watching this swill? Now that's depressing I think I would rather shove hot coals up my nostril than watch these shows on a regular basis!

But alas, in my research for this article I was forced to watch a few episodes of these shows and all of a sudden something dawned upon me. (Well other than feeling my IQ slowly slip away from me during every minute while watching these shows) That professional wrestling is GAY! No, not so much in the figurative sense with the slang terminology of something being "stupid" or the literal sense which means "happy." But in the homosexual tense! Think about it. A bunch of greased up muscle bound men wearing tights (in rather outlandish and flamboyant colors), rolling around on a mat, trying to lay on top of each other. Of course when they are "fighting" almost every single move they use involves the use of the male genitalia in some way or another. I mean even their names are screaming out their homosexuality. I mean there is a wrestler called "Mr. Ass", COME ON!?!? Could it be any more obvious?! Hell, I'm waiting for Richard Simmons to join the WWF at any moment! Sure, there is nothing wrong with being gay; but it's time to face up to the truth you macho, tough talking wrestling fans. That you are all in some major denial here! Even the females in wrestling don't cover up the real truth very well. Either the women get beat up by other men, or they look like the nastiest looking transvestites on steroids. You wrestling fans need to see the light that your "sport" is not only completely pathetic, but is also heading you towards a different lifestyle!

You may ask, "Mr. Killing Joke, why do you hate wrestling so much? It's just entertainment!" My answer is simple I'm a man of a rather large frame, about 6'5, broad shoulders, and long brown hair. No big deal, right?! WRONG! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't get some slack jawed yokel coming up to me and mentioning something that involves me and wrestling. 95% of the time it's the "hey man, you look like the wrestler, the Big Show!" Or if it's not that comment, it will be something else about wrestling. Which I then normally groan and respond with a quick roll of the eyes and a brisk walk away from the individual. I just find it annoying that these complete strangers just feel compelled to walk up to me just to mention this completely pointless fact to me on an almost daily basis. I find it rather rude actually, I mean how would you like it if I walked up to you and said, "Wow! You know...you look like a child molester!" or "Hey, you look like a card carrying member of the Ku Klux Klan!!" Not very nice is it? Well, it's the same thing for me, I wish not to be related to a bunch of greased up men that have fans with the intellect of a shoelace.

Naked Wrestling. The Next Step.
"Guys, we've decided we need a boost in ratings. Would
you mind if we had you wrestling completely naked?"

So please, wrestling fans, keep your crappy sport to yourselves and don't try to think everyone likes it. You are terribly wrong on that quick assumption. Sure, I know denial is hard on you, and inner turmoil forces you into a confused state or maybe you are just too in-bred to care anymore. But please, just shut the hell up!

note: -RoG- misses the days when the WWF was actually fun to watch. The days of Andre The Giant, Jimmy Superfly Snuka, and The Iron Sheik. Those days have long since passed.


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