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  #26  
ZeldaQueen ZeldaQueen is offline
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Old Jul 25th, 2009, 11:31 AM       
Yes sir, I am asking for 3 billion dollars from Mr. Hefner. He's been after me since I was a baby, along with a pedophile organization in L.A. When I was about 5 yrs old, he mysteriously appeared under my bed and he grabbed my arm and mentioned the Beatles names. I asked him in my head, since I’m a hat, everyone in the world hears my thoughts, it’s a good way to establish peace. So I thought and said “You’d better let go of my hand”. And so I braced myself against the wall and eventually he let go. I ran into my parents’ room and told them. My adopted mother replied that it was probably my adopted dad. But it wasn’t him. It has to be telepathy, there always has been.

He’s always made my life and my adopted family’s lives a mess. You realize he’s supposed to be the centaur of the Greek gods. And I’m really a reincarnation, I really am Venus Aphrodite Demilo the goddess. And Roger Dawson is Odysseus, everyone I know knows that. And Hugh Hefner was having an affair with my adopted mother and his wife Kimberly Hefner, who was this woman who lived around the corner from us. And at 15, he tried to pick up but I wasn’t a junkie or dope addict, you know being raised by a sheriff dad.

My uncles are Bill and Jeff Mcguffey, policemen from the ‘70’s and ‘80’s. On my adopted dad’s side, I come from the rich oil family of J. Paul Getty. We were known to be a part of the John Gotti Mafia and the head hit man had an affair with my adopted mother at the same time Mr. Hefner was seeing her. My first husband was taken care of, if you know what I mean. The hit man said “If he touches you one more time, I’m getting rid of him,” when I told him this in my head. Being the hat that I am, I can tell you whatever you can ask in telepathy. I know everything when it comes to learning.

The Gotti man had my husband eat his pussy because he’s a morphodite [hermaphrodite]. Don’t ask what a “morphodite” is. My adopted dad us what they are. So my ex isn’t here, in the upper story if you get my drift.
Moe Howard, my adopted dad, worked for the republic studio Hugh made with the pedophile organization. It’s hard work. My stuff keeps disappearing and my family is jealous, but it’s Hefner’s fault.

I'll work on Page 2 today.
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  #27  
Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
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Old Jul 25th, 2009, 05:14 PM       
Thanks! This is better than watching reruns of "Everybody Loves Raymond".
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  #28  
Zhukov Zhukov is offline
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Old Jul 26th, 2009, 01:18 PM       
What in god's wound does "I'm a hat" mean?
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  #29  
Tadao Tadao is offline
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Old Jul 26th, 2009, 01:35 PM       
I'm guessing she thinks she can use telepathy by placing her thought on someones head, so in that sense she would be a hat. Or something along those lines.
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  #30  
ZeldaQueen ZeldaQueen is offline
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Old Jul 26th, 2009, 03:27 PM       
Tadao, I think you're as close as anyone'll get. I've just finished pages 2-4:

That was the start of helping the pedophile organization in cahoots with him, by which I mean Hugh Hefner and the head of the pedophile organization’s family. Mr. Hefner and the hit man for the Gotti family can turn state evidence against the pedophile organization. I even told my adopted parents after my mom talked to me. She told me “they want me to molest you,” and I asked “Who is ‘They’? Are or will?” [um…I think that’s what she means…]

That’s what I’m talking about. Like I said, I was born the biggest hat in the world. For example, every president I favor seems to get the job.
I told my parents to let them take everything away, and when I was old enough to understand what was going on, I would get everything back from the pedophile organization: property, parcels, car lots, a gas station, and the Getty oil wells - just the mineral rights.
See, being a hat I’m supposed to eat. God made sure I’m even able to eat a morphodite’s pussy. To some, this is scary. But if you haven’t gotten molested, it’s not like everyone doesn’t want to touch you or even be a pedophile, even at age 13. A teenager has statutory rape every time they mess around with a fairy older man. If the man’s older than 17, that’s what it’s called.

It’s Don Hitler and the hit man for the Gottis every since they or Hugh picked up the one. I guess the whole world knows about Schraier, Sherman Mousilini Cole, otherwise known as Stalin. [Sorry, I honestly have no idea what she was saying here]

I know about when Mr. Hefner picked up this one chick who was a junkie and had once had an affair with my husband. Hefner had a daughter by her. Every guy I have been with, she has also been with. I don’t know the significance of this. It’s like a game, how much to hurt her or take her mind or make her not really there in the upper story. Doesn’t it seem like to be a playboy, they all do that [take drugs I presume]? Not me though, I’ll say it again. I am not a dope addict. I’ll admit that I did some experimenting in the past, like everyone else I’m not perfect. I respect the people who grew up without indulging in that sort of stuff. My compliments to their parents or whoever raised them. We need people like them running this world.

As you know, the pedophile organization was making my adopted parents give me pills to make molesting easier. They were always listening, like that Sherman Mousilini Cole and the rest of the morphodites. Also, try Darren Elliot, Eric Clenne, Don Valasques - who is this skinny junkie who snorts cocaine and thinks he is Zeus of the Gods, he’s the biggest morphodite I know - and Laury Lawrence, who’s the head morphodite eater. I was raised by black women who always thought I ate a morphodite.

My hat tells me that I am a graduate from every school and every university that you can think of. My hat also knows the cures for every disease caused by God Almighty. There is only one God. All we can do is be who we are. He does not judge how a person acts or dresses or how a person looks. Love is everlasting, everyone should know this about our Father, the higher.
[Skipping page three as it is literally a word for word repeat of page two. Onward to page four! ->]
And I am a reincarnation and a hat, born to straight parents. To non-molested people, I am a blessing. Since I can totally remember being molested, I am the molested blessing.

I consider my hat my telepathy from God. I also carry the most beautiful angel Lucifer in me. I remember being the goddesses Venus, with Odysseus, the God of Wine, and Zeus, whom I have a different perspective on. He is built like a brick house and is a god that rules.
All I can say is look at that Don Valasques, to whom I know is not of sound mind [I think that’s what she’s saying here]. I know that Zeus is a version of Jesus. And the centaur is supposed to be Hugh Hefner. You see, at one point we were all horses. And the playboy was a horse in Hugh’s little gathering for the finest of half-horses.

And some are known to be rabbits. Some are jacks [jackrabbits] and some are hares and some are like Thumper, from the Walt Disney movie, Bambi. And if you are a horse, there are Shetlands and Clydesdales and what I know to be a Black Stallion.

Because my mother married a black man, I consider myself to be blacker than the Ace of Spades. I know that’s where the soul is to hear me, so I consider it best to stay black. But sir, I really am all nationalities. But I am asking @ 0 billion dollars [I think she might have been requesting 20 billion but hit the “2” key with the Shift] for the rude interrupting of my life and wanting me so badly. Please give it to my eldest son, as my youngest doesn’t have a pussy to be a morphodite and I wasn't going to shoot up or eat a pussy to be bi-sexual.

I'll see if I can read her handwritten post-script.
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"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing." "But," says Man, "The Babel fish proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't." "Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanished in a puff of logic.
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  #31  
ZeldaQueen ZeldaQueen is offline
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Old Jul 26th, 2009, 03:35 PM       
Post-Script

To the Law -
Mr. Hefner knows what’s going on, as does the Law. What I say is the truth. Mr. Hefner thinks he’ll do whatever it takes to get me and ruin my life. As for the playboy to say, “let’s burn her dirty things” [I think that’s what it says] and we know what sorts of things they’d be talking about are.

Knowing the Law Mr. or Mrs. Judge, you wouldn’t let them get away with what they expect me to do! So for Hugh Hefner’s stupidness, I’m asking for a mere 2 billion dollars. From the supposedly richest mother-f***er on God’s green Earth. And I thought Bill Gates was the richest mother. And he [not sure if the “he” is Hefner or Gates] also helped the pedophile organization to kidnap me and shoot me up with drugs so that I could also be a playboy. I guess he made it clear that all playboys shoot up. They also all do pornography, which, if I had not been hypnotized [not sure if that’s the word, but it seems to be], I could have been in a pornographic movie…

That's all of it I could read.
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"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing." "But," says Man, "The Babel fish proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't." "Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanished in a puff of logic.
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  #32  
Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
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Old Jul 26th, 2009, 05:21 PM       
Yay ZQ!
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  #33  
ZeldaQueen ZeldaQueen is offline
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Old Jul 26th, 2009, 05:51 PM       
*bows*
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"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing." "But," says Man, "The Babel fish proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't." "Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanished in a puff of logic.
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  #34  
kahljorn kahljorn is offline
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Old Jul 26th, 2009, 06:03 PM       
Good job :O

WHAT IF ALL THIS WERE TRUE?
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  #35  
ZeldaQueen ZeldaQueen is offline
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Old Jul 26th, 2009, 07:10 PM       
Quote:
WHAT IF ALL THIS WERE TRUE?
What do you mean "if"?
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"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing." "But," says Man, "The Babel fish proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't." "Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanished in a puff of logic.
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  #36  
Shrubfest Shrubfest is offline
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Old Jul 27th, 2009, 08:34 AM       
This is fucking legendary. Thankyou for this, ZQ.
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  #37  
lovely09 lovely09 is offline
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Old Jul 28th, 2009, 08:49 PM       
I was thinking of her basis why she said this reincarnation from venus.Is there any proofs available?I guess it has something to do with her experience like she told when she was five.
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  #38  
Tadao Tadao is offline
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Old Jul 28th, 2009, 09:09 PM       
For a spammer to read this and then comment is truley a sign of the times. We are in an economic disaster and will do anything for money.
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  #39  
MattJack MattJack is offline
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Old Jul 28th, 2009, 10:12 PM       
I'm the reincarnation of Scott Baio
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