| Zod
on Eye Lasers
People
of the planet Houston, I am addressing you today to inform you about something that is very dear to my heart. That
something is "Eye Lasers". I pity you humans. Not
just because you are mentally inferior to me, but you can't
even enjoy the finer things in life like Eye Lasers.
On the
planet Krypton, Eye Lasers were nowhere to be found.
However, on this planet Houston which you inhabit, we have
super powers thanks to your sun. Here on planet Houston, you
little humans are completely powerless. You are easily amused by
petty things such as "magic tricks". So when all
of you saw my Eye Lasers in action, you instantly knew that
I was your rightful leader.
Eye lasers
have many uses. Not only are they a very useful weapon in
battle, but they can be a very handy tool for many of the
things in everyday life. I recently invited Ursa and Non
over to my home for a barbecue in my backyard. I told Ursa
to bring some "chips" and Non to bring some
carbonated beverages. Ursa was successful and brought a bag
of "Nacho Cheese flavored Doritos" which I found
quite pleasant. Non got confused and brought us a large
truck instead (we're still working on Non's intellectual
development).
I had the
pre-cut slices of cow ready to be prepared for consumption
when all of a sudden I realized I didn't have a
"barbecue grill"! How was I to have a classic
summer barbecue without a grill? Now this would have ruined
the day for most of you humans. You would have cancelled the
barbecue altogether and then wept all evening over your
pathetic failure.
I, being superior to all of you, simply laid the slices of
cow down on the ground, squinted my eyes, and took aim. A
mere five seconds later, the cow slices were cooked to
perfection, all thanks to my Eye Lasers! It was indeed
the greatest barbecue ever. If you disagree, I will kill
you.
So as you
can see, Eye Lasers can be quite beneficial to anyone. Too
bad for you puny humans, you'll never experience what that
is like.
That is why I am your ruler. I am here to show you
what true power is. Never forget that as you continue
on with the lives I have allowed you to have.
KNEEL
BEFORE ZOD!
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