"Halloween"
KNEEL BEFORE ME!

You humans are certainly a peculiar species. You wish to have what you call "fun" by "celebrating" all sorts of nonsensical things. I was outraged recently when a group of your offspring came to my door. First off, these ungrateful little humans did not even kneel before me. They were all dressed in ridiculous attire, and when I asked them why they were dressed like so, they said "It's Halloween silly! Trick or Treat!" They actually had the NERVE to DEMAND a "trick or treat" from me!?

It is I, General Zod... your ruler, who should be demanding from them! Not the other way around. When I told them I would be giving them no tricks or treats they became even more despicable. Things soon got intolerable when one of them who was dressed up like the skeletal remains of a human said, "What a dumb costume you have mister! Give us our candy!"

A picture taken just seconds before Zod crushed the skeleton boy's head 

Naturally, I crushed the boy's head and all of the other children went running off into the night screaming for their legal guardians to save them. They even left their bags behind them. Puzzled by such peculiar children, I looked inside their bags and was horrified. There were dozens of colorful "treats" in these bags. But one of the treats in particular caught my eye.

I DEFY YOU "EVERLASTING GOBSTOPPERS"!

"Everlasting Gobstoppers". Do you humans actually think that you could make something which was truly "EVERLASTING"? If these candies are representative of your "everlasting" technologies I SCOFF at them! And I SCOFF AT EVERY ONE OF YOU!

I  was able to devour these "Everlasting Gobstoppers" within mere seconds. I crushed them in between my teeth, and I could hear their screams with every mighty bite. Your "Everlasting Gobstopper" technology has failed you. They cannot stop me. I have defeated them. I ate them and the boxes in which they were contained. And neither proved to be "everlasting".

You were all very foolish to try to create something that I could not destroy. I am your ruler and I am the only thing on this planet that is truly EVERLASTING! 

And furthermore, from this day forth, "Halloween" will be celebrated with a new rule. You will no longer have your children celebrate "witches" and "ghosts" and other similarly absurd concepts. From now on, your children will all dress up just like their ruler, General Zod. Halloween will be a celebration of my greatness! If the children fail to make a worthy tribute to me... they will be killed along with their guardians. And I do not like the name "Halloween", so I have decided to change that as well to make it more suitable for all... ZOD-O-WEEN. Much better.

So now I will leave you with your failed Everlasting Gobstopper technology to look at the greatest "pumpkin carving" ever made. Only I did not have to use crude tools to carve my pumpkin like you mortals do. I simply used my eye lasers...

HAPPY ZOD-O-WEEN YOU PATHETIC MORTALS!

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