"The Pledge"
You shall speak it
or you shall perish!

Hello my slaves. You may have heard that "the pledge of allegiance" was recently declared unconstitutional. But do you pathetic mortals know the real reason behind this? It is because there was an error in the wording of it, not because some judge (whom I did not appoint) declared it so. Allow me to show you:

"And to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God."

Yes, a serious typographical error indeed. It should have read, "One planet under ZOD!" Now the person who wrote this is already dead, so I cannot punish him for his defiance. However, since I never allow any defiance to go unpunished, I will kill any living relatives of this foolish human. This naturally includes children, their pets, and the children of said pets. And let this be a lesson to anybody who dares to recite the pledge with the wrong words...

Anyone who is caught reciting the pledge incorrectly shall be destroyed.

Now, with that being said, I am most displeased with how your "news media" has been reporting this situation. They speak of separation of the church and state, but they do not even speak of me. Is this how your "media" functions? Do they always report such blatant inaccuracies? If that is the case, then perhaps this explains why your planet was so easy to conquer. Is there no one here who can challenge me!? The church and state are no longer, there is only ZOD!

The time has come for you all to learn the truth about what is going on. The truth is that the defiant "media" has been shielding your fragile minds from what will become your new daily routine. You WILL be required to recite what your "media" refers to as "the pledge of allegiance", only it will not be called that. I call it "The Pledge Of Eternal Loyalty To The Greatest And Most Powerful Ruler In The History Of The Universe, General Zod". Now, here is how it will be spoken:

I pledge allegiance to General Zod
because he now rules Planet Houston
And to Non and Ursa
who stand beside him to carry out his glorious rule
One planet
Under Zod
With slavery and injustice for all

This is how it should have been recited from the start. Not only will all "students" be required to say this when they arrive at "school", but so will all humans on earth immediately after they wake up from their mortal slumbers. Speaking of which, some of you haven't been kneeling during your sleep. If any of you are seen "sleeping" without kneeling, your existence shall be erased. Now, as I said, all humans will be required to say this "pledge" when they wake, before they eat, before they drive their automobiles, before they sleep, and of course... while they kneel. So in essence, there will no longer be discussion between humans. All verbal energies will be used for the pledge. You are to recite this pledge every waking moment of your existence.

And yes, I am aware that your primitive species requires a "flag" to pledge eternal loyalty to since I cannot stand before each and every one of you. So, I have created a new flag for the inhabitants of planet Houston to pledge to:

Your New Flag
[click for a larger, printable version so you can begin pledging now]

Magnificent isn't it? Dark, daunting, and awe inspiring... it has many of the qualities which I possess. From this day forth, you shall all make your "Pledge Of Eternal Loyalty To The Greatest And Most Powerful Ruler In The History Of The Universe, General Zod" as you kneel before this flag.

The "Constitution" is no more. Failure to recite this pledge every waking moment of your life is not deemed Unconstitutional. No, instead, it shall be considered unZodstitutional, and such an act of defiance will result in your immediate demise.

Zod Bless America.

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