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You’re still short on
people to work for you during your party. Being the quick-witted escaped
convict that you are, you figure that perhaps an evil elf would make a
good bartender. He already looks the part of a creepy little monster, so
you won’t need to spend any money buying him a costume. Hopefully, he
won’t mind the meager payment of candy and soda that you offer him.
“I’ll tell you what, you adorable little monstrosity, how would you like
to come work at my Monster Party? I could always use a good bartender,
and you seem like you’ve dealt with a lot of deadly chemicals in this
tree factory of yours. So what do you think: You show me the way out of
this sylvan nightmare, and I give you a job where you don’t have to
supervise some guy spanking it.”
The elf narrows his beady little eyes as he considers your offer.
Finally, he speaks up:
“Hmm, that is a tempting offer. It’s so hard for an elf to get anywhere
in today’s society without a college education. Sure, I got to be
manager of this tree, but look at the freaks I’ve got working under me!
Half of these ‘elves’ are just dwarves left over from the Wizard of Oz,
and rest are just migrant workers! I seriously need to think about a
career change.”
"I chose this over college!?"
“Excellent,” you tell
the fuming elf. “Unfortunately, all the money I have is going toward
decorations and stuff, so I can only pay you in candy and soda.”
“Well that’s just fine. Candy and soda are like diamonds and oil for us
elves. Why, I could retire early off the money I’d make from selling a
single packet of pop-rocks and some Coke.”
“Wow, really?”
“No, not really!! I’m looking for cold hard cash, and not fun-sized
Snickers, you pile of stupid! Still, I suppose I shouldn’t be so picky
about my starting salary. After all, the closest I’ve ever been to being
an actual bartender is making Molotov cocktails to throw at those ogres
they’ve got working at the Oreo cave. Ok, I agree to your terms.”
Now you’ve got yourself a bartender. Plus, he even let you and the other
convicts have some of the spare clothes that didn’t fit the other
workers. Now, you and your bouncers don’t need costumes either! W00t!!!
With that, he leads you to the tree factory’s delivery entrance. It
dumps you back within the city limits. Now, all you need are some
hapless boobs to serve as the cleanup crew.
Fortunately, there is no shortage of places to go to find people willing
to clean whatever foulness you and your guests can expel. The question
is:
WHO WOULD MAKE THE
BEST CLEANER?
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