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Thinking quickly, you
stomp the CD, not just once but over and over.
"No, Man!" Francis shrieks like an endangered Japanese schoolgirl, "Are
you insane?! You can't stop a transdimensional WHAM CD by stomping it!"
"Bullshit." You reply gamely, think that if you're destined to be the
cool, insane guy there's no way you're going to die so early in the
story. After all, there are two victims already; whoever painted the
urinal cakes with his eyeball and the fat fatty you just killed.
"Oh, hey, I'm not dead!" Says Theodore. "My mom packed butterfly
bandages and morphine.
Heck, there's nothing
you can't cure with butterfly bandages and morphine!
Why this one time when
my Paw and I was camping? And a rabid beaver tore my head clean off! He
musta thought it was a tree stump on account 'a how fat I am! But we had
a stuff sack full of butterfly bandages and-"
"Stuff your own sack, Chunky! If you ever want to get closer to Beaver
than that we'd better get on the stick!"
"What are you talkin' about?" said Mongoose, supplying a short paragraph
to set the stage for an expository transition.
"Yes" Says Francis examining the dusty yet still quite gay remains of
the Wham CD "And how did you know that 'stomping' this CD would not have
made it only more powerful since that's generally the way things go in
this sort of scenario?"
"Simple, Franny;" You snarl, getting more into character by the moment.
"This ain't that scenario. Demonic Watermelons, possessed homo music,
powerful mojo to be sure. But just distractions, a smoke screen to stop
us from… meeting the girls!"
"Say! You listen him! He right!" pipes up Chin-myu Sik,
a short, skinny Asian
kid in a baseball cap who just showed up with a tall, gawky, stoner
named Dizzy Steve to round out your quotient of stereotypes and provide
more cannon fodder for the inevitable slaughter to come. "Story not go
nowhere 'till we meet a cabin full of poorly written girls to pair off
with! Otherwise who we gonna discover all dead and shit? Each other?
That gay!"
"Dude." Says Dizzy Steve
"Dude is right, Dizzy Steve" you say grimly, "Dude is right. "Diggity.
Let's lock and load."
There's a long pause and then Mongoose says "Diggity? Lock and Load?
Lock and Load what? Those are your catch phrases? We won't make it till
snack time with those catch phrases."
You decide to:
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