Features

The Underappreciated Art of Firecracker Labels
by: -RoG-

...CONTINUED

KING OF PIRATES! UNLEASH THE BEAST! Now do you see why I love these things?

I wouldn't leave cookies out for this Santa. I'd bolt the door and sit by the fireplace
with a shotgun to make sure that crazy jolly bastard didn't enter my house.

I don't know what the "Rules of the Game" are, but
apparently they involve robots and lightning bolts.

An indian boy riding a pig. Sounds like a "party" to me!

Another one of my favorites. A pack of wolves with bloody mouths? Why?
BECAUSE THEY ATE SOME POOR WOMAN'S FINGERS! AWESOME!

See? Even the classic horror flicks and gangster flicks have a home on these labels.

Hot Giraffes? I've never been so turned on in my entire life. And I don't even know how the hell Kong turned the Empire State Building into a rocket that could fly over the Statue of Liberty but goddamn, somebody needs to put that in a movie!

None better than mad rat? I would disagree, but I don't want to make it even angrier.

WHOOPEE!

My friends, these two labels are the very definition of BADASS.

And let's not forget mighty Sheba... Queen of the Scuttlebomb!

More pirates... ya can't go wrong with pirates.

The black bat one is really nice looking, but what's up with the Geo'gia Cracker one?
That's not just some puny firecracker, that hillbilly is gonna get blown to bits!
And they say video games are a bad influence on kids?

Oh my fireworks have a rendezvous alright... a rendezvous in OUTER SPACE.

I'm sure the Thunder of Orion makes wonderful music too....

Can't leave you hanging without showing at least one crazed animal and a ninja.


Superman just might have to attack these sparklers with a super-lawsuit.
(thanks to Chris Wahlberg for submitting this picture)


When a thunder-goddess rides toward you on her golden chariot
with a flaming horse, you can pretty much kiss your ass goodbye.
(thanks to Ash for submitting this picture)

WANNA SEE MORE FIRECRACKER LABELS?
CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE TO PAGE 3!

 

Reader Comments

 

OLD COMMENTS:

Basement Monkey
Jul 4th, 2009, 05:07 AM
These are great I'm glad this page got updated thanks RoG
The face of trapped wind.
Jul 4th, 2009, 05:31 AM
That was a good read. I liked the Outta My Way package.
Made me think of The Punisher.
Oh, and what the hell is up with that Unicorn pack?
It looks like some weird dog-dragon hybrid.
That can't be good.
No sir.
Member
Jul 4th, 2009, 07:16 PM
What better name for a firecracker than Quick and Dead? That ought to tell you that you can bet your ass that you'll be blown to bits the very moment you light the fuse.
4 Eyes, No Brain.
Jul 5th, 2009, 04:39 PM
Cheers Rog for opening my eyes to a world where trademarks and liscensed characters mean diddly squat. A world where I can see King Kong flying over the Statue of Liberty, a world where cowboys make their horses dance on fireworks for shits and giggles. My eyes have been opened Rog, and I embrace it. Thank you.
Roid Rager
Jul 5th, 2009, 07:38 PM
"Golden shower? Now that is one Fourth of July celebration I recommend avoiding"- classic. I am still chuckling over than one.
Simpson's Trivia King
Jul 5th, 2009, 08:43 PM
I'm really amazed that someone like you Rog wouldn't point out how much the "out of my way" guy looks like Bruce Campbell
Pickled Patriarch
Jul 5th, 2009, 11:07 PM
Actually, I think PoGo is more on target in saying that he looks like The Punisher, what with that outfit 'n all.
pickled
Jul 6th, 2009, 03:06 AM
Man, I love these.
Crazed Techno-Biologist
Jul 6th, 2009, 04:40 AM
Yesh, moar =D but kinda one issue, i dont wanna be a dick about this... but enthused isnt a word. though if its in the pickledictionary, ill gladly add it to mine. anyways, yea i love these things! its weird though how so how much of it is unrelated to what it does. the only ones that actually look like the art are those lil snakes, the ones that whistle, and a few fountains shaped like the pictured image (ie, the Tanks and those lil volcanoes)
skank pronger
Jul 6th, 2009, 04:21 PM
That one on the second page with the giant gorilla riding the Empire State Building rocket? Maybe that rocket is actually the building transformer from Big!!!
LOVES the tubal ligation!
Jul 6th, 2009, 04:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dungeonbrownies View Post
Yesh, moar =D but kinda one issue, i dont wanna be a dick about this... but enthused isnt a word. though if its in the pickledictionary, ill gladly add it to mine. anyways, yea i love these things! its weird though how so how much of it is unrelated to what it does. the only ones that actually look like the art are those lil snakes, the ones that whistle, and a few fountains shaped like the pictured image (ie, the Tanks and those lil volcanoes)
en⋅thuse/ɛnˈθuz/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [en-thooz] Show IPA verb, -thused, -thus⋅ing.

Use enthused in a Sentence

–verb (used without object) 1.to be or become enthusiastic; show enthusiasm: All the neighbors enthused over the new baby.
–verb (used with object) 2.to cause to become enthusiastic.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/enthused

If dictionary.com isnt good enough for you here is the Merriam-Websters page on it.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/enthused
OH GOD
Jul 6th, 2009, 05:48 PM
edit: n/m didn't see dimnos' post FOR SOME REASON ;(
☆☆☆☆☆
Jul 6th, 2009, 05:50 PM
You know what isn't a word?

isnt
Forum Virgin
Jul 7th, 2009, 01:14 AM
Holy crap, the Great White firecrackers had me laughing uncontrollably. That's so hilariously wrong.
Doctor Caliente
Jul 7th, 2009, 01:41 PM
The Golliwog and Dixie Boy firecrackers are an NAACP lawsuit in the making if I've ever seen one. Good thing those were manufactured in China.
Crazed Techno-Biologist
Jul 8th, 2009, 06:36 AM
Quote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dungeonbrownies View Post
Yesh, moar =D but kinda one issue, i dont wanna be a dick about this... but enthused isnt a word. though if its in the pickledictionary, ill gladly add it to mine. anyways, yea i love these things! its weird though how so how much of it is unrelated to what it does. the only ones that actually look like the art are those lil snakes, the ones that whistle, and a few fountains shaped like the pictured image (ie, the Tanks and those lil volcanoes)
en⋅thuse  /ɛnˈθuz/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [en-thooz] Show IPA verb, -thused, -thus⋅ing.

Use enthused in a Sentence

–verb (used without object) 1.to be or become enthusiastic; show enthusiasm: All the neighbors enthused over the new baby.
–verb (used with object) 2.to cause to become enthusiastic.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/enthused

If dictionary.com isnt good enough for you here is the Merriam-Websters page on it.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/enthused
Lol, k ill accept its use, but I just remember being told to never use it in Elements of Style because it wasnt a "real word." Im guessing i should quit studying from outdated texts =P
after enough bourbon ...
Jul 10th, 2009, 02:37 PM
I'm totally enthused over this update, -Rog-!

(Golden Shower? That totally belongs on engrish.com!)
Member
Jul 26th, 2009, 08:17 AM
timebomb has a massive package
Forum Virgin
Aug 31st, 2009, 07:35 AM
That is one odd looking unicorn.
Forum Virgin
Sep 4th, 2009, 07:42 PM
Just saw that "golden shower" one in a sweetbay this july. I would have NEVER expected to find one, but you can find any worth-crap fireworks in those pre-selected kits.
Bawbaruh
Jul 4th, 2011, 03:34 PM
The Warm Greeting ones absolutely mystify me.
The face of trapped wind.
Jul 5th, 2011, 01:54 AM
the warm greetings package scares me to the marrow. I do really enjoy the pissed eagle brand though. it makes me think of malt liquor for some weird reason. I think its the font.
The Glum Cunt
Jul 5th, 2011, 02:11 AM
I thoroughly enjoyed the neighbor hater one. We used to light a lot of shit on fire in our backyard and when our visiting friends would worry about the neighbors, we'd inform them that the neighbors were illegal immigrants so they aren't gonna call the cops.
OH GOD
Jul 5th, 2011, 04:59 AM
oh my god grumpy osama is my favourite
Cat Scratch Fever!
Jul 6th, 2011, 03:49 PM
Bought me a package of mortar rounds this year with two launchers appropriately labeled Zeus. The artwork on the launchers was too amazing for me to pass up so I got them. I'm a huge fan of those and Roman Candles, my all time favorite.

My wife saw the golden showers pic with me and said that would definitely belong in an adult novelty store though she and I would question the sanity of whoever decided to buy that.
Member
Jul 9th, 2011, 07:40 AM
The Mercurial Bee not only shoots flaming balls like those blondes and Uranus do, but it also reports. That is one serious warning right there.
Evil Penguin Queen
Jul 25th, 2011, 10:04 PM
The artwork on the box of the Party Snappers on page 2 looks suspiciously like Arale Norimaki from Akira Toriyama's Dr. Slump riding a pig. (Dr. Slump was the series that made him famous, then he made Dragon Ball, and then...)
Sublimed4
Sep 3rd, 2011, 03:53 PM
Nice labels! There are some funny ones and some with just great art. I came across some labels at an estate sale and don't know how to determine if they are originals or reprints. Any help would be much appreciated. The pic might be upside down but I haven't figured out how to rotate it. Hope the link works!
Forum Virgin
Jul 5th, 2012, 10:53 AM
That Danger Forward box is just a rip-off of an old Warhammer 40k cover, so... yeah, it already is a 360 game!
Forum Virgin
Jul 8th, 2012, 04:01 AM
Bah-ha! The 2nd 'Ladyfingers' label refers to the products as 'supercharged ladycrackers.' My god, ladies back in the day must have gotten excited easily!
Pickled Patriarch
Jul 4th, 2013, 05:14 PM
Just updated the article with a new sixth page chock full o' artwork! Enjoy!
soon to be internet icon
Jul 4th, 2013, 06:20 PM
These are all great, but the old timey ones are the best.
soon to be internet icon
Jul 4th, 2013, 06:24 PM
I wish I had a picture of the huge "Devil's Delight" firework, this was six in one. It was one of the best I had seen.
Member
Jul 5th, 2013, 02:39 AM
Seriously, WTF is up with "Attitude Adjustment"? It seems like many firework companies don't even try anymore and just use photoshop or stolen artwork.
Forum Virgin
Jul 6th, 2013, 12:12 PM
What better way to celebrate our independence from England than to depend on them for firecrackers. Astra must not have gotten the memo.

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