Features

The Underappreciated Art of Firecracker Labels
by: -RoG-

...CONTINUED

KING OF PIRATES! UNLEASH THE BEAST! Now do you see why I love these things?

I wouldn't leave cookies out for this Santa. I'd bolt the door and sit by the fireplace
with a shotgun to make sure that crazy jolly bastard didn't enter my house.

I don't know what the "Rules of the Game" are, but
apparently they involve robots and lightning bolts.

An indian boy riding a pig. Sounds like a "party" to me!

Another one of my favorites. A pack of wolves with bloody mouths? Why?
BECAUSE THEY ATE SOME POOR WOMAN'S FINGERS! AWESOME!

See? Even the classic horror flicks and gangster flicks have a home on these labels.

Hot Giraffes? I've never been so turned on in my entire life. And I don't even know how the hell Kong turned the Empire State Building into a rocket that could fly over the Statue of Liberty but goddamn, somebody needs to put that in a movie!

None better than mad rat? I would disagree, but I don't want to make it even angrier.

WHOOPEE!

My friends, these two labels are the very definition of BADASS.

And let's not forget mighty Sheba... Queen of the Scuttlebomb!

More pirates... ya can't go wrong with pirates.

The black bat one is really nice looking, but what's up with the Geo'gia Cracker one?
That's not just some puny firecracker, that hillbilly is gonna get blown to bits!
And they say video games are a bad influence on kids?

Oh my fireworks have a rendezvous alright... a rendezvous in OUTER SPACE.

I'm sure the Thunder of Orion makes wonderful music too....

Can't leave you hanging without showing at least one crazed animal and a ninja.


Superman just might have to attack these sparklers with a super-lawsuit.
(thanks to Chris Wahlberg for submitting this picture)


When a thunder-goddess rides toward you on her golden chariot
with a flaming horse, you can pretty much kiss your ass goodbye.
(thanks to Ash for submitting this picture)

WANNA SEE MORE FIRECRACKER LABELS?
CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE TO PAGE 3!

 

Reader Comments

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JoeyJoJoJr JoeyJoJoJr is offline
Basement Monkey
Jul 4th, 2009, 05:07 AM
These are great I'm glad this page got updated thanks RoG
PoGo PoGo is offline
Forum Virgin
Jul 4th, 2009, 05:31 AM
That was a good read. I liked the Outta My Way package.
Made me think of The Punisher.
Oh, and what the hell is up with that Unicorn pack?
It looks like some weird dog-dragon hybrid.
That can't be good.
No sir.
Julio Julio is offline
Riot Control
Jul 4th, 2009, 07:16 PM
What better name for a firecracker than Quick and Dead? That ought to tell you that you can bet your ass that you'll be blown to bits the very moment you light the fuse.
Danny 4 Eyes Danny 4 Eyes is offline
Forum Virgin
Jul 5th, 2009, 04:39 PM
Cheers Rog for opening my eyes to a world where trademarks and liscensed characters mean diddly squat. A world where I can see King Kong flying over the Statue of Liberty, a world where cowboys make their horses dance on fireworks for shits and giggles. My eyes have been opened Rog, and I embrace it. Thank you.
CaTlaloc CaTlaloc is offline
Roid Rager
Jul 5th, 2009, 07:38 PM
"Golden shower? Now that is one Fourth of July celebration I recommend avoiding"- classic. I am still chuckling over than one.
Bavles Bavles is offline
Simpson's Trivia King
Jul 5th, 2009, 08:43 PM
I'm really amazed that someone like you Rog wouldn't point out how much the "out of my way" guy looks like Bruce Campbell
Mockery Mockery is offline
Pickled Patriarch
Jul 5th, 2009, 11:07 PM
Actually, I think PoGo is more on target in saying that he looks like The Punisher, what with that outfit 'n all.
Nick Nick is offline
Apprentice Pickle
Jul 6th, 2009, 03:06 AM
Man, I love these.
Dungeonbrownies Dungeonbrownies is offline
Crazed Techno-Biologist
Jul 6th, 2009, 04:40 AM
Yesh, moar =D but kinda one issue, i dont wanna be a dick about this... but enthused isnt a word. though if its in the pickledictionary, ill gladly add it to mine. anyways, yea i love these things! its weird though how so how much of it is unrelated to what it does. the only ones that actually look like the art are those lil snakes, the ones that whistle, and a few fountains shaped like the pictured image (ie, the Tanks and those lil volcanoes)
Aries Aries is offline
skank pronger
Jul 6th, 2009, 04:21 PM
That one on the second page with the giant gorilla riding the Empire State Building rocket? Maybe that rocket is actually the building transformer from Big!!!
Dimnos Dimnos is offline
LOVES the IUD
Jul 6th, 2009, 04:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dungeonbrownies View Post
Yesh, moar =D but kinda one issue, i dont wanna be a dick about this... but enthused isnt a word. though if its in the pickledictionary, ill gladly add it to mine. anyways, yea i love these things! its weird though how so how much of it is unrelated to what it does. the only ones that actually look like the art are those lil snakes, the ones that whistle, and a few fountains shaped like the pictured image (ie, the Tanks and those lil volcanoes)
en⋅thuse  /ɛnˈθuz/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [en-thooz] Show IPA verb, -thused, -thus⋅ing.

Use enthused in a Sentence

–verb (used without object) 1.to be or become enthusiastic; show enthusiasm: All the neighbors enthused over the new baby.
–verb (used with object) 2.to cause to become enthusiastic.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/enthused

If dictionary.com isnt good enough for you here is the Merriam-Websters page on it.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/enthused
executioneer executioneer is online now
Dexter Reilly
Jul 6th, 2009, 05:48 PM
edit: n/m didn't see dimnos' post FOR SOME REASON ;(
Tadao Tadao is offline
Bone Daddy
Jul 6th, 2009, 05:50 PM
You know what isn't a word?

isnt
PolarisSLBM PolarisSLBM is offline
Forum Virgin
Jul 7th, 2009, 01:14 AM
Holy crap, the Great White firecrackers had me laughing uncontrollably. That's so hilariously wrong.
Cruxader Cruxader is offline
Doctor Caliente
Jul 7th, 2009, 01:41 PM
The Golliwog and Dixie Boy firecrackers are an NAACP lawsuit in the making if I've ever seen one. Good thing those were manufactured in China.
Dungeonbrownies Dungeonbrownies is offline
Crazed Techno-Biologist
Jul 8th, 2009, 06:36 AM
Quote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dungeonbrownies View Post
Yesh, moar =D but kinda one issue, i dont wanna be a dick about this... but enthused isnt a word. though if its in the pickledictionary, ill gladly add it to mine. anyways, yea i love these things! its weird though how so how much of it is unrelated to what it does. the only ones that actually look like the art are those lil snakes, the ones that whistle, and a few fountains shaped like the pictured image (ie, the Tanks and those lil volcanoes)
en⋅thuse  /ɛnˈθuz/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [en-thooz] Show IPA verb, -thused, -thus⋅ing.

Use enthused in a Sentence

–verb (used without object) 1.to be or become enthusiastic; show enthusiasm: All the neighbors enthused over the new baby.
–verb (used with object) 2.to cause to become enthusiastic.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/enthused

If dictionary.com isnt good enough for you here is the Merriam-Websters page on it.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/enthused
Lol, k ill accept its use, but I just remember being told to never use it in Elements of Style because it wasnt a "real word." Im guessing i should quit studying from outdated texts =P
Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
after enough bourbon ...
Jul 10th, 2009, 02:37 PM
I'm totally enthused over this update, -Rog-!

(Golden Shower? That totally belongs on engrish.com!)
testtube testtube is offline
Member
Jul 26th, 2009, 08:17 AM
timebomb has a massive package
mister buch mister buch is offline
Forum Virgin
Aug 31st, 2009, 07:35 AM
That is one odd looking unicorn.
rabid-penguin rabid-penguin is offline
Forum Virgin
Sep 4th, 2009, 07:42 PM
Just saw that "golden shower" one in a sweetbay this july. I would have NEVER expected to find one, but you can find any worth-crap fireworks in those pre-selected kits.
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