Features

The Underappreciated Art of Firecracker Labels
by: -RoG-

...CONTINUED


Look, it may not seem that great in modern times, but back in the day, an old man
riding a tiny bicycle while wearing a clown hat and a monocle was indeed "Party-Fun".


Way to shamelessly steal a picture of Kratos from God of War for your label.


"A bang that's out of this world."
That's what she said.


Few things in this world are as ominous as a patriotic yellow bear with
beady eyes approaching you while holding a stick of dynamite.


That might be the most unenthusiastic looking spider I've ever seen.


I know it's a firecracker label, but I could totally see this working as a movie poster.


Mark my words: When pterodactyls return from extinction to drop sticks of dynamite on us, we're all officially screwed.


Okay, so... whoever made this apparently wishes his daughter would stop dressing
like some kind of Nordic frost witch, and instead become a mindless, bubbly mall rat.


I giant monster that floats through space and devours entire worlds in a single bloody bite? Consider me a fan.


I guess this is how they placate horrible children who try to set off fireworks in actual frogs.


Almost looks like the notch in his back was used as a launching point for some fireworks in the past.
No wonder he looks pissed. And speaking of crabs...


When it comes to having a picnic, it's probably best to not have it in the middle of a lake filled with crabs.


Did you know that the original video for Michael Jackson's "Thriller" was supposed
to take place in a snowy setting complete with ice zombies? Neither did I.


They must be loud if they're capable of giving "ear ringing noise" to skeletons.


First, their eardrums are shot to hell, and now they're incarcerated? Man, it sucks to be a skeleton on the Fourth of July.


I'm pretty sure that's Eddie from Iron Maiden, but no worries...
I'm sure they secured the rights to use his visage alongside Chubby Checker's hit song.


Frankenstein's Monster may hate fire, but he'll gladly join in the festivities to light some fireworks.


Godzilla has finally met her match. Introducing... GOTZILLA!


And what Fourth of July celebration would be complete without a
wicked witch who has a swastika subtly displayed on her costume?

WANNA SEE MORE FIRECRACKER LABELS?
CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE TO PAGE 7!

 

Reader Comments

 

OLD COMMENTS:

Basement Monkey
Jul 4th, 2009, 05:07 AM
These are great I'm glad this page got updated thanks RoG
The face of trapped wind.
Jul 4th, 2009, 05:31 AM
That was a good read. I liked the Outta My Way package.
Made me think of The Punisher.
Oh, and what the hell is up with that Unicorn pack?
It looks like some weird dog-dragon hybrid.
That can't be good.
No sir.
Member
Jul 4th, 2009, 07:16 PM
What better name for a firecracker than Quick and Dead? That ought to tell you that you can bet your ass that you'll be blown to bits the very moment you light the fuse.
4 Eyes, No Brain.
Jul 5th, 2009, 04:39 PM
Cheers Rog for opening my eyes to a world where trademarks and liscensed characters mean diddly squat. A world where I can see King Kong flying over the Statue of Liberty, a world where cowboys make their horses dance on fireworks for shits and giggles. My eyes have been opened Rog, and I embrace it. Thank you.
Roid Rager
Jul 5th, 2009, 07:38 PM
"Golden shower? Now that is one Fourth of July celebration I recommend avoiding"- classic. I am still chuckling over than one.
Simpson's Trivia King
Jul 5th, 2009, 08:43 PM
I'm really amazed that someone like you Rog wouldn't point out how much the "out of my way" guy looks like Bruce Campbell
Pickled Patriarch
Jul 5th, 2009, 11:07 PM
Actually, I think PoGo is more on target in saying that he looks like The Punisher, what with that outfit 'n all.
pickled
Jul 6th, 2009, 03:06 AM
Man, I love these.
Crazed Techno-Biologist
Jul 6th, 2009, 04:40 AM
Yesh, moar =D but kinda one issue, i dont wanna be a dick about this... but enthused isnt a word. though if its in the pickledictionary, ill gladly add it to mine. anyways, yea i love these things! its weird though how so how much of it is unrelated to what it does. the only ones that actually look like the art are those lil snakes, the ones that whistle, and a few fountains shaped like the pictured image (ie, the Tanks and those lil volcanoes)
skank pronger
Jul 6th, 2009, 04:21 PM
That one on the second page with the giant gorilla riding the Empire State Building rocket? Maybe that rocket is actually the building transformer from Big!!!
LOVES the tubal ligation!
Jul 6th, 2009, 04:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dungeonbrownies View Post
Yesh, moar =D but kinda one issue, i dont wanna be a dick about this... but enthused isnt a word. though if its in the pickledictionary, ill gladly add it to mine. anyways, yea i love these things! its weird though how so how much of it is unrelated to what it does. the only ones that actually look like the art are those lil snakes, the ones that whistle, and a few fountains shaped like the pictured image (ie, the Tanks and those lil volcanoes)
en⋅thuse/ɛnˈθuz/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [en-thooz] Show IPA verb, -thused, -thus⋅ing.

Use enthused in a Sentence

–verb (used without object) 1.to be or become enthusiastic; show enthusiasm: All the neighbors enthused over the new baby.
–verb (used with object) 2.to cause to become enthusiastic.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/enthused

If dictionary.com isnt good enough for you here is the Merriam-Websters page on it.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/enthused
OH GOD
Jul 6th, 2009, 05:48 PM
edit: n/m didn't see dimnos' post FOR SOME REASON ;(
☆☆☆☆☆
Jul 6th, 2009, 05:50 PM
You know what isn't a word?

isnt
Forum Virgin
Jul 7th, 2009, 01:14 AM
Holy crap, the Great White firecrackers had me laughing uncontrollably. That's so hilariously wrong.
Doctor Caliente
Jul 7th, 2009, 01:41 PM
The Golliwog and Dixie Boy firecrackers are an NAACP lawsuit in the making if I've ever seen one. Good thing those were manufactured in China.
Crazed Techno-Biologist
Jul 8th, 2009, 06:36 AM
Quote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dungeonbrownies View Post
Yesh, moar =D but kinda one issue, i dont wanna be a dick about this... but enthused isnt a word. though if its in the pickledictionary, ill gladly add it to mine. anyways, yea i love these things! its weird though how so how much of it is unrelated to what it does. the only ones that actually look like the art are those lil snakes, the ones that whistle, and a few fountains shaped like the pictured image (ie, the Tanks and those lil volcanoes)
en⋅thuse  /ɛnˈθuz/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [en-thooz] Show IPA verb, -thused, -thus⋅ing.

Use enthused in a Sentence

–verb (used without object) 1.to be or become enthusiastic; show enthusiasm: All the neighbors enthused over the new baby.
–verb (used with object) 2.to cause to become enthusiastic.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/enthused

If dictionary.com isnt good enough for you here is the Merriam-Websters page on it.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/enthused
Lol, k ill accept its use, but I just remember being told to never use it in Elements of Style because it wasnt a "real word." Im guessing i should quit studying from outdated texts =P
after enough bourbon ...
Jul 10th, 2009, 02:37 PM
I'm totally enthused over this update, -Rog-!

(Golden Shower? That totally belongs on engrish.com!)
Member
Jul 26th, 2009, 08:17 AM
timebomb has a massive package
Forum Virgin
Aug 31st, 2009, 07:35 AM
That is one odd looking unicorn.
Forum Virgin
Sep 4th, 2009, 07:42 PM
Just saw that "golden shower" one in a sweetbay this july. I would have NEVER expected to find one, but you can find any worth-crap fireworks in those pre-selected kits.
Bawbaruh
Jul 4th, 2011, 03:34 PM
The Warm Greeting ones absolutely mystify me.
The face of trapped wind.
Jul 5th, 2011, 01:54 AM
the warm greetings package scares me to the marrow. I do really enjoy the pissed eagle brand though. it makes me think of malt liquor for some weird reason. I think its the font.
The Glum Cunt
Jul 5th, 2011, 02:11 AM
I thoroughly enjoyed the neighbor hater one. We used to light a lot of shit on fire in our backyard and when our visiting friends would worry about the neighbors, we'd inform them that the neighbors were illegal immigrants so they aren't gonna call the cops.
OH GOD
Jul 5th, 2011, 04:59 AM
oh my god grumpy osama is my favourite
Cat Scratch Fever!
Jul 6th, 2011, 03:49 PM
Bought me a package of mortar rounds this year with two launchers appropriately labeled Zeus. The artwork on the launchers was too amazing for me to pass up so I got them. I'm a huge fan of those and Roman Candles, my all time favorite.

My wife saw the golden showers pic with me and said that would definitely belong in an adult novelty store though she and I would question the sanity of whoever decided to buy that.
Member
Jul 9th, 2011, 07:40 AM
The Mercurial Bee not only shoots flaming balls like those blondes and Uranus do, but it also reports. That is one serious warning right there.
Evil Penguin Queen
Jul 25th, 2011, 10:04 PM
The artwork on the box of the Party Snappers on page 2 looks suspiciously like Arale Norimaki from Akira Toriyama's Dr. Slump riding a pig. (Dr. Slump was the series that made him famous, then he made Dragon Ball, and then...)
Sublimed4
Sep 3rd, 2011, 03:53 PM
Nice labels! There are some funny ones and some with just great art. I came across some labels at an estate sale and don't know how to determine if they are originals or reprints. Any help would be much appreciated. The pic might be upside down but I haven't figured out how to rotate it. Hope the link works!
Forum Virgin
Jul 5th, 2012, 10:53 AM
That Danger Forward box is just a rip-off of an old Warhammer 40k cover, so... yeah, it already is a 360 game!
Forum Virgin
Jul 8th, 2012, 04:01 AM
Bah-ha! The 2nd 'Ladyfingers' label refers to the products as 'supercharged ladycrackers.' My god, ladies back in the day must have gotten excited easily!
Pickled Patriarch
Jul 4th, 2013, 05:14 PM
Just updated the article with a new sixth page chock full o' artwork! Enjoy!
soon to be internet icon
Jul 4th, 2013, 06:20 PM
These are all great, but the old timey ones are the best.
soon to be internet icon
Jul 4th, 2013, 06:24 PM
I wish I had a picture of the huge "Devil's Delight" firework, this was six in one. It was one of the best I had seen.
Member
Jul 5th, 2013, 02:39 AM
Seriously, WTF is up with "Attitude Adjustment"? It seems like many firework companies don't even try anymore and just use photoshop or stolen artwork.
Forum Virgin
Jul 6th, 2013, 12:12 PM
What better way to celebrate our independence from England than to depend on them for firecrackers. Astra must not have gotten the memo.

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