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I-Mockery's Ultimate Guide to the Halloween Candies of 2007! Halloween Candy!
by: -RoG-

if you haven't read page 1 of our
Halloween Candies yet, click here!

Lightning Pumpkins!
Egads! Pumpkins born from Lightning!

I'm sure you remember me covering the "Lightning Santas" for Christmas last year, but they're back in Halloween form this time around and the tong is supposedly "new and improved". Yeah, well let's not jump to conclusions there so quickly, bucko. The idea behind these candies is that when you pick them up, they'll light up thanks to a little LED light built into the tong.

I'm crushing your head! I'm crushing your head!

Sure enough, they deliver on their promise, because those pumpkins light up like flamin' jack-o-lanterns on All Hallows' Eve alright! But are the tongs really "new and improved" as they say? Well from what I can tell, the light is just as powerful as ever but the real problem is that the tongs are now much shorter than they used to be. As a result, you have to actually crush the candy in the tongs before a connection is made so that they can light up. With the longer tongs from last year, you didn't have to crush the candies at all to get 'em to light up. It's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things since they still look cool and taste great, but improved tongs? I think not.

out of 5 jack-o-lanterns

Gummi Ghouls!
Don't eat them, you Gummi Fools!

Here's another Halloweeny score from the local dollar store. Gummi Ghouls come in a variety of shapes, with the skull & crossbones being my favorite because they gave him a pirate hat. What's nice about them is that each piece is separate so you can put 'em back together like puzzle pieces if you so desire. And trust me, you will desire, because you don't want to eat these things. If these are "made with real fruit juice" as the package claims, then all praise the Great Pumpkin for artificial flavors, because these "real" flavors taste like plastic. Maybe they meant that these candies were made with the real fruit juice from those real fake decorative plastic fruits that people keep in bowls for some reason? We may never know.... and you know what? I'm ok with that.

out of 5 Audrey II's

Graveyard Goodies Party Pack!

You've probably never heard of the "Graveyard Goodies" brand before. Don't feel bad, neither did I until recently, and it's probably because they're about as generic as you can get. Still, for a generic brand o' Halloween candies, they definitely put forth a decent effort on the packaging of their candies. While the cut-out on the front of the box could've been a better, spookier shape instead of the drunken Tetris block shape that they went with, the individual boxes are pretty nice. They could've just put them in typical boxes, but they took the time to add little paper tab extensions to the boxes just so you could see more of the design. I particularly appreciated the extra tab for the skull box which enabled you to see its smiling jaw. Sure, all of the artwork looks like it came from one of those lame clip-art sites, but at least they tried.

What, no necklace?

The candies aren't anything new. In fact, the pumpkins are exactly the same shape as the ones that came in the Pumpkin Decoder featured on page 1 of this article, but I'm happy to report they don't taste the same. Instead, these taste exactly like candy necklaces... only difference is you're not left with that sad, soggy piece of string when you're done eating the candies this time.

out of 5 leaf piles

Tongue Tattoo Scream Pops!
Jason, Frankenstein's Monster, The Mummy... yeah, they're all pals.

I'm pretty sure everybody has seen lollipops like these before. You lick 'em and a second later, the cool faces on the pops are hideously deformed, as if somebody doused them with sulfuric acid. Well there's something you may not know about them, and that's that if you're careful, you can temporarily tattoo your tongue with any one of these five faces. Behold!


That's right, if you press down on your tongue carefully, you can leave a pretty decent imprint right on your tongue. Ok, so the Jason one didn't really come out too well, but I suspect that's because my hands were already shaking from my Halloween candy sugar-rush and not because the pops were designed poorly. Oh and in case you were wondering, the "gruesome grape" flavor is pretty damned good too. Definitely worth picking up a bag of these even if it's just for the tongue-staining novelty.

out of 5 tombstones

Box Of Boogers!
Freshly picked just for you!

I know I reviewed these last year, but they deserve to be reviewed again because the candy geniuses at Flix have made a big improvement to their Box Of Boogers this year. And what is the improvement exactly? It's quite simple: now they actually look like big juicy boogers! I couldn't pick a finer specimen from my own nose if I tried, and I guarantee it wouldn't taste nearly as good as these do. Just look at the ones from last year and you'll instantly see the difference. Much to Flix's chagrin, the boogers from last year came out looking like little puffed marshmallow blobs, but this year they came out as originally intended while still keeping a great tangy Snottermelon, Sour Green Boogy and Lemon Loogy flavors that aren't too overwhelming like some sour candies tend to be. Listen to Chef Ghoulicious and eat your boogers kids! They'll make you grow strong and healthy!

out of 5 zombie hands

Scooby-Doo Lollipops!
Scooby snacks sure look tastier than they used to, eh?

Anybody who grew up watching Scooby-Doo can certainly appreciate these lollipops. Scooby himself, the Scooby-Doo logo tag and a fingerprint clue round out the shape selection. As usual, I went straight for the blue one, but it was unfortunately a much weaker blue raspberry flavor than you'd expect. Still, now that I just ate a fingerprint, I can now finally scratch off "eating crime scene evidence" off my list of things to in my life. While the fingerprint didn't leave much of an impression, the wild cherry and sour apple flavors were definitely keepers that I'd take over a Scooby snack any day.

out of 5 Edgar Allen Poe's.

Candy Corn Flavored Hershey's Kisses!
Hershey's Kisses and Candy Corn working together? What kind of madness is this!?

It still amazes me to this day that there is such an overwhelming divide amongst people when it comes to candy corn. Out of all the sweets out there, candy corn probably creates the most prominent dichotomy... people either love 'em to death or they want to see them removed from the face of the earth forever. There simply is no in between. Well, for those of you who like candy corn, you're in luck this year, because Hershey's has released a limited edition "Candy Corn" flavor for their kisses. When I first saw them, I couldn't imagine that they'd taste very good, but honestly, I've grown to like 'em! It's basically white chocolate with just a hint of candy corn flavoring, but the candy corn flavoring is nothing so strong that it overpowers the general white chocolate taste. We generally only get to enjoy candy corn once every year, so why not enjoy it with some more variety. Still no sign of the candy corn taffy from last year yet, but this is definitely a fine substitute to hold me over until I do.

out of 5 Counts (ah-ah-ah!)

Mummified Fingers Candy Suckers!
Mmmmm Mmmmm Mmmmmummy

Found these things shoved behind some other candies at target and didn't know what to expect. Considering how the quality of most of the stuff they carry is top notch, these Mummified Fingers really seem to be just slapped together. Not much flavor to 'em at all really, but at least the multi-colored nail polish doesn't come off as soon as you start eating the fingers. And speaking of the nail polish, I honestly never knew mummies were so stylish. Maybe they're buried with it, maybe it's Maybelline?

out of 5 Jaws

Oh but there's more!

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