...CONTINUED
if you haven't read pages 1 & 2 of our
Halloween Candies yet, click here!
Hallo Mallo!
I really,
REALLY like the packaging on this these Hallo Mallow candies. So much so
that it was honestly hard to open the thing up. You kind of just want to
leave it stuffed with those marshmallows and use it as a pillow. But alas,
there's only one way to test these things out, so I opened 'em and quickly
discovered that they're exactly the same as the Oozing Eyeballs from page 1. The only difference
with the Hallo Mallows is that there's no flavor variety, all of them have
a strawberry filling, whereas you get raspberry, lemon and strawberry with
the Oozing Eyeballs. So if packaging is all you care about, you could do a
lot worse than the Hallo Mallow pumpkin pack, but if candy variety is what
you're looking for, I suggest checking elsewhere.
out of 5 bloody chainsaws
Giant Gummy Creatures!
While the
Hallo Mallo candy packages were hard to open, these Giant Gummy Creatures
from Flix Candy were even harder to bite into. Just look at them... they
look like big colorful rubber Halloween toys. Who in their right mind
would want to ruin them by taking big bites out of 'em? A gluttonous
bastard, that's who.
Ok, so the "Yikes
Spiders!", "Oh Rats!" and "Eeek Bats!" I can understand
as being associated with Halloween, but what about the "Got Gecko?"
one? I can think of many
other creatures that are scarier and more threatening than Geckos. Snakes,
scorpions, beetles, hell even bunny rabbits are scarier (you wouldn't
argue that last point with me if you had seen Night of the Lepus).
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that they included the Gecko as he's one of the
best looking ones of the bunch (and rumor has it, he can help save you a
lot of money on your car insurance), I just thought it was a bit odd that he
was included with this batch o' Halloweeny creatures. As far as the flavor
of these things go, they're not bad, but I've always felt that most large
gummy candies tend to taste a bit like plastic. Perhaps it's all in my
head, but everyone else that ever tries big gummy candies like these seems
to agree with me. Buy 'em for how good they look, not for the flavor.
If I had to
pick one, the bat
would have to be my favorite of the lot simply because it can actually
spread out its wings so far that they had to fold them up underneath its
body just so it would fit inside of the package. It's also the best
tasting one of the bunch, so that's another plus for ol' batsy.
out of 5 Phantasm Sentinel Spheres
The
Peanuts Candy Bracelets!
These are
just as good as your average candy necklace, but with the addition of
little Snoopy and Woodstock charms on the end of 'em. Just don't let the
Red Baron catch you off guard while you're chowin' down on these things.
It's nice they added some scenery from "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie
Brown" on the package, though I don't recall Charlie Brown
wearing a pirate hat in the story, he wore the ghost sheet with too many
holes in it. I definitely would've liked to see some more of
those characters on the candies themselves instead them being
just Snoopy 'n Woodstock. But I guess we can't expect much variety when it
comes to simple things like candy necklaces and bracelets... it's not like
you're buying 'em from Schwarzschild Jewelers or something. But hey, I'd
take these over that cubic zirconium shit any day, wouldn't you?
out of 5 Gremlins.
Ghost
Dots!
Sure they
look awesome, but I'll be honest, I've never liked how Dots tasted and the
new spectral colors haven't changed that at all. They should at least make
these things glow-in-the-dark so you can decorate your haunted house with
them, because you definitely don't wanna eat 'em. Actually, if a candy
could actually glow-in-the-dark, I imagine it would cause some kind of
cancer. The very existence Ghost Dots also makes us ask questions such as
"Who killed the Dots and made them ghosts in the first place?" or "If
Dots can die, then what is the life expectancy of the average Dot?" or
"Does eating a Dot cause it to become a ghost, or does it cause you to
become a ghost?" So many questions that will surely go unanswered
forever.
As if those
questions aren't enough, the flavor of the Dots is a mystery too as the
package practically laughs in our faces: "Which flavor? Which ghost?
IT'S A MYSTERY!" Yep, each of the Dots is a "mystery" flavor for you to uncover. The
real mystery for me was how I could possibly stomach eating any more of
these things.
Well at least the one thing they've got going for them is that they're
adorable as hell. I mean, just look at those Ghost Dots
on the package. They're... so... goddamned... happy.
All I can
say
is this:
They
seriously need to put out some Ghost Dots plush toys next Halloween.
I may not like the candies, but I'd be allllllll over that in a heartbeat.
out of 5 floating eyeballs
Gooey
Yummy Gummy Bugs!
If you
fantasize about eating beetles and grubs that basically cover the full
spectrum of a rainbow, then these new Gummy Bugs are probably right up
your alley. These bugs are extremely detailed and colorful, and believe it
or not, they actually smell and taste good. Believe me, I know how
unusual this is, because in my experience, the more artistic a gummy candy
looks, the worse it usually tastes. So these really do create a dilemma
for all us trick-or-treaters... do we preserve the artistry or do we
consume these tasty lil' buggers like there's no tomorrow? In my case, I
have two boxes of 'em, so I don't have to agonize over such difficult
choices and I suggest you do the same. Yes, you can have your cake (or
bug) and eat it too.
out of 5 Freddy gloves
Brach's
Autumn Mix!
Some people are just satisfied with regular ol' candy corn,
while others swear by the Indian candy corns that have just a little bit
o' cocoa flavoring mixed in with 'em. But for me, it simply doesn't get any better than the Mallowcreme Pumpkins as I'm sure you noticed
last year when I finished the
bag off before I even had a chance to take a photo of them for my review. But Brach's
Autumn Mix bag is a great classic for those who want a lil' of each
— especially the Indian candy corns which are a bit harder to find in
individual packages these days for some reason. Yes, I'd prefer a bag of
nothing but Mallowcreme Pumpkins over the mixed one, but at least I was
able to take a photo of this bag before finishing off its contents, so be thankful
for that.
out of 5 Frankensteins
Mad Lab
Beakers
With Shrunken Head Candy!
These were
one of the first new candies to catch my eye when I was checking out all
the Halloween goodies for sale at Target. What can I say, I'm simply a
sucker for cool packaging, and what could be cooler than a beaker
(complete with stopper) for the
mad scientist in you? I'll tell you what: a beaker filled with shrunken
heads and bones for you to eat! What's more, these things are actually
pretty damned delicious if you ask me. They're somewhere in between the
flavor of Sweet Tarts and candy necklaces, but even if you don't like how
the candy tastes, you still end up with a beaker when it's all said 'n
done. And honestly, you can't have enough beakers in your life. Just ask
Doctor Bunsen.
