if you haven't read pages 1-4 of our
Halloween Candies yet, click here!
Strawberry Swirl Skeleton Pop!
creators of Pop Rocks comes this new Strawberry Swirl Skeleton Pop which
plays on the idea that if you make something collectible, the
completionists out there will have no choice but to buy it. There are 7
body parts in total for you to collect in order to make a full skeleton.
I really like this idea and I hope they'll do this more in the future,
possibly with other creatures instead of just human skeletons.
The lollipop portion of each piece isn't much to write home about
is unfortunate since you actually have to eat it in order to be able to
connect that part of the skeleton to the rest of the body. Well either
that or you can just take a hammer to the lollipop portion. The skeleton
itself rocks... if you can find all the pieces, that is. Coming in at 20
inches, it's definitely not a cheap little skeleton, and at well over a
buck per piece, it can be a bit costly to complete the thing which you
could obviously get for much cheaper if you just wanted to buy a toy
skeleton. But the temptation to complete this thing has been too great,
and as soon as I find another arm and the correct leg, I will surely be a
god among men. Until then, I'm stuck with this:
Ok, so he's
not a perfect skeleton, what with his missing a left arm and having two
left legs 'n all... but damnit he still stands proud, you hear me? HE
out of 5 hearses
Jolly Rancher Creepy Pops!
tasted Jolly Ranchers before, then you've tasted these, but that doesn't
make 'em any less cool. Aside from the nice packaging (complete with
eyeballs in the logo which is always a plus) the pops themselves are named
"Eerie Apple", "Ghastly Grape", "Wacky Watermelon" and "Spooky Blue
Raspberry". They also come in several new shapes - a vampire, a pumpkin, a
skull and a ghost. Last year they released similar creepy pops but the
grape flavor wasn't included and they looked a bit goofier. Keep up the good work ranchers... and we'll
out of 5 Chucky doll heads
an extremely rich milk chocolate truffle in fancy foil pumpkin wrapping.
The outer shell is solid but the inside is very smooth. Really good stuff,
but definitely hard to eat more than one at a time. I also feel like I
should be wearing a tuxedo and a monocle when eating these. Truffles just
sound to distinguished to be consumed by a guy who was just wearing
plastic glasses that came with bone candies not long ago, don't they? Then
again, perhaps what they're trying to do with these Halloween truffles.
They want to tear down those social class barriers and bringing equality
to us all! Ok, that's clearly a complete load of crap since all they
wanted to do was make some tasty milk chocolate truffles, but these are
the things one tends to imagine in his head when he's been eating nothing
but sugar all week long.
out of 5 haunted houses
you're wondering why I'm reviewing the sun. Well it's because it had the
flaming audacity to destroy my Halloween candy. And not just any candy,
the reigning champion of all Halloween candies for the past two years in
my book. That's right, it melted my Count Wonkula Bloodberry Donutz!Last year I reviewed this
amazing bleeding donut candy and ate far too many of them than I'd like to
admit. But this year? It's almost mid-October and I still haven't enjoyed
one. They melted in the car thanks to that bastard sun up in the sky, and
not even my freezer could save them. My beautiful bloody donuts were
ruined. Indeed the damage was done, and as a result,
I will forever hate the sun.
out of 5 crazy Jacks (for the sun, and that's being extremely generous)
of 5 crazy Jacks (for the Bloodberry Donutz - they still rule.)
We all saw
the Snickers Pumpkins from last year as they came in the nice little
4-pack gift set. While those still exist this year, they've also put out
these new Snickers Creme Pumpkins. Other than appearing to be stretched
out vertically, they look basically the same, but the inside is what's
surprising. I figured these would be filled with marshmallow or something,
but they're not. They still have peanuts inside, but I swear they taste
almost exactly like Baby Ruth candy bars... which is perfectly fine
by me, because I dig Baby Ruths too. But what exactly does that have to do
with the "creme" in the name?
out of 5 witch hats
Lab Frog Dissection Kit!
Good god, this is one HUGE ass piece of gummy
candy! I'm pretty sure the weight of it alone could kill a person if you
threw it at them... if nothing else, it'd crack a few ribs. This is
definitely one of those things you don't expect to see when checking out
the latest Halloween candies. Plus, you gotta love how it plays on the
average person's nausea when it comes to dissecting frogs. Sure, the
Japanese scientists already figured a way around that with their new
translucent frog creations, but we does that matter to us
trick-or-treaters? We're here for the candy experience, not the real frog.
As part of Target's new Edgar & Ellen product line, the Mad Lab
Frog Dissection Kit comes with a scalpel and tweezers for you to get to
the guts of your specimen. At first, I thought there was no way the
plastic scalpel would have any chance at cutting this titan toad open, but
it's actually quite easy to just make a big vertical slash down the middle
of its back if you apply just a little pressure. Once you do that, you can
stick your tweezers into the opening and pull out its guts... which are
actually gummy flies. Sure, I would've preferred some gummy organs, but
having flies in it is pretty amusing too. Nothing about the gummy frog or
the flies are that memorable in the taste department, but come on... this
is one hell of a cool idea for a Halloween candy and I think
creativity like that goes a long way. Next year, I say they put out a
gummy Mad Lab Human Autopsy Kit™. (That trademark means they have to pay me $3.00 for every one they
sell since it was my idea. I worked out this logic in my head and I'm
pretty sure it's legally airtight. Yep.)
out of 5 maggots
As far as
flavor goes, they taste just like your average lollipops, but these
monsters are way, way, WAY better than average lollipops. I don't
know who the genius was, but somebody clearly is in touch with the minds
of kids and Halloween fanatics alike. Think about it... who wouldn't want
to own a severed monster head that you can torture by spinning around to
your heart's content? And just look at those faces! A pumpkin, a crazy
green/turquoise skull and the Frankenstein monster! You know something? I
wonder just how these guys feel about being spun around. Let's ask 'em,
Click the above image to
see a video about how
these 3 monsters feel about being spun around!
out of 5 black widow spiders
you have it! We
made it through another gigantic batch o' candy without keeling over! Huzzah! But don't
think you've escaped a sugary delivery into Death's arms just yet, for I'll still be on the lookout for more Halloween
candies up until October 31st once again, and if I find any more treats
worth writing about, I'll add another page to this article. If you see any new Halloween candies that I have yet to cover, be
sure to drop me a line and let me know!
Thanks again to Shannon for helping out this year! And don't forget a LOT of the candies from last year are still available
this season, so be sure to check out
I-Mockery's Ultimate Guide to the Halloween Candies of 2006 as
well so you don't miss out on anything!
for reading! Now if you'll excuse me, I have a sudden craving for insulin.
Have any questions or comments
about this piece?