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I-Mockery's Ultimate Guide To The Halloween Candies Of 2013!
by: -RoG-

...CONTINUED

Tic Tac Bewitching Blend

Man... everybody is getting into the Halloween candy market these days! If you had me predict which candy brands I would expect release a Halloween variety, Tic Tacs would definitely be near the bottom of the list; and yet here they are. The Bewitching Blend features orange and apple mints, and they have a very mild taste that works perfectly together. Between the little witch, spooky fonts, spider webs on the label and the green & orange color mix of the candies, this is an extremely nice Halloween presentation for such a small package. Welcome to the Halloween club, Tic Tacs! Please come back in 2014!

out of 5 haunted houses

Twinkle Candy Corn Pops

This is my first time tasting the Twinkle brand of candies. The candy corn lollipop certainly looks nice, as they clearly took the time to make sure it looks like the genuine article. Unfortunately, the pop itself is only mediocre at best. The candy corn flavoring is very mild, and as a result, I was just left wishing I was eating the real thing instead. It's not bad or anything, I just wish it had a strong taste that stood out as much as the lollipop itself.

out of 5 brains in jars of formaldehyde

ZomBee Halloween Kabobs

If there's one thing we need to see more in the world of Halloween candies, it's gotta be kabobs. Thankfully, the fine folks at ZomBee (aka: Bee International) have taken it upon themselves to give us a special marshmallow Halloween kabob featuring a purple vampire bat, a smiling jack-o-lantern, a bug-eyed green spider, and its cobweb. It looks great and you really do feel kinda bad eating such artwork, but kabobs are meant to be devoured, not admired, so eat it we must! Fortunately, eating it proves to be worth it, because the marshmallows are nice 'n soft and they're covered in crystallized sugar to make 'em a little tastier. Good stuff!

out of 5 hearses

Flix Light Up Bat Fan Candies

It's always a mixed bag with candies like this. The packaging is absolutely fantastic - you get a wonderfully designed light-up jack-o-lantern or skull with a spinning vampire bat fan on its head. They spin really well and look great when lit up, so they'd easily make great novelty items for any kid. Problem is, when so much is put into the packaging, the candy that is found within is usually nothing to write home about, and that's definitely the case here. There's just not much flavor to them at all. They're extremely hard, bland little candy discs that say Flix on them. Not exactly a Halloweeny candy.

Still, if you're looking for a light-up novelty handheld Halloween fan, these will certainly do the trick.

out of 5 Counts (ah-ah-ah!)

Gummy Creepy Crawlers

In addition to the bugs, I like that these look like little grubs or maggots instead of the typical gummy worms that are just repackaged for Halloween every year. The colors are certainly nice, and you're also hit with an extremely fruity smell as soon as you open the bag. Again, I'm not the biggest gummy candy fan, but these are pretty good for gummies. The fruit flavoring will please the palate and they're all nice 'n soft. Please the palate? Did I actually just say that? Snap out of it Rog... you're reviewing Halloween candies, not a five-star restaurant for chrissakes!

out of 5 leaf piles

Jelly Belly Candy Corn Jelly Beans

YES! Now this is what I want when a company tries to replicate the flavor of candy corn. This is practically right up there with the Candy Corn Oreo Cookies in my book. Jelly Belly has captured the genuine flavor of candy corn and put it into their wonderfully orange and yellow speckled jelly beans. If you're a fan of candy corn like I am, I simply cannot recommend these enough. Totally worth it.

out of 5 Chucky dolls

Russell Stover Big Bite Caramel Apple With Peanuts

There are just too many delicious Halloween candies this season, and the Russell Stover caramel apple is no exception. This thing is loaded... and I mean LOADED with peanuts. Believe it or not, what you see in the above photo isn't even all the peanuts, because there was still a hefty handful of them in the bottom of the package after I removed it. It tastes amazing too, because there's a very subtle apple flavoring to the caramel that's damn near perfect, so with the chocolate and abundance of peanuts, it's a Halloween treat you do not want to miss out on. Having finally tried these, I clearly need to make a trip back to the store and pick up some more before they're gone for the year.

out of 5 black widow spiders

Herr's Candy Corn Flavor-Coated Pretzels

These obviously dance on the thin line between candy and snack foods, but since they're candy corn flavored, I figured they deserved some coverage. So you all know by now that I'm a fan of candy corn, and I know it's one of those candies that will always have people divided into separate love/hate camps. That said, even I had to approach these with trepidation, because I just wasn't sure if it would work. Candy Corn coated pretzels? It's a weird concept.

I do have to say that Herr's did a fantastic job on the festive packaging. It's so insanely bright and happy and even the font looks fun; it might even be my favorite packaging this season. Big kudos to them for making the pretzels shaped like pumpkins too. That's really going the extra mile when they didn't have to.

So how do they taste? On the plus side, they're not nearly as scary or weird as I thought they would be. On the minus side (at least in my eyes), you can't taste ANY candy corn in these. The pretzels are coated in white chocolate, and they use orange and yellow sprinkles to mimic the look of candy corn. But make no mistake about it, these taste nothing like candy corn at all. Oddly enough, they don't taste like pretzels either. With the thick white chocolate coating, they just end up tasting like mild vanilla cookies. The flavor isn't bad or anything, but it's far from what I was expecting they'd be shooting for. If you call something candy corn flavor-coated, then make it exactly that, otherwise it's false advertising in my book.

out of 5 puzzle boxes

Oh but there's more!
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Reader Comments

Member
Oct 30th, 2013, 09:33 AM
Pearsons doesn't use real chocolate anymore. Their confections are made with cocoa flavoring. It's really bad.
Member
Oct 30th, 2013, 09:40 AM
Awesome review as always, I look forward to this article every Halloween season. I can't believe you've been doing this for 9 years now and you still don't weigh 400 pounds. By the way, your withdraw meltdown on the mellowcreme pumpkins gave me flashbacks to "I Will Beat Pac-Man", which is a huge bonus.
Forum Virgin
Oct 30th, 2013, 12:52 PM
Rog, if you take another look at the "Ausome Klik Candy Dispensers" the mummy's facial expression and colorization is eerily similar to the new (not orinial) "Fruity Mummy Yummy" Monster Cereal.



And yes Rog, I posted this on facebook. In fact, I'll post your own link right here. Perhaps for the lost souls who don't know what an url is. http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/halloween-candy2013/ Ahh... Redundancy in its finest!
Comic Artist in Training
Oct 30th, 2013, 05:04 PM
I'll have to respectfully disagree on the Starburst candy corns. I liked them, and my co-workers like them when I brought them to the steakhouse to share.
Im one good looking Troll
Oct 30th, 2013, 11:51 PM
I wonder if Rog's cuboard is loaded with Candies right now it could last till 2 months or maybe 3 if he overlook some of the smaller candie packages.

As for Ground Goblin and Goblin Zombie I rather go for Ground Goblin flavor as much as I like Zombies in Movies,Games and such but Goblins is also part of Halloween.
Forgetable Cyborg
Oct 31st, 2013, 12:57 AM
I think we are all overlooking the true hero of this piece. As hinted at the beginning of the article, that hero is: Rog's pancreas! That little guy is a real trooper!
Forum Virgin
Nov 2nd, 2013, 05:35 PM
I wondered if Rog approved of the Halloween aesthetic of the KitKat, Scaries, scAero and Coffin Crisp packaging, but I guess now we'll never know. Because of spooky Halloween-related reasons.
Cranberry Everything
Nov 3rd, 2013, 08:31 PM
I don't think the Starburst candy corn are that bad, they're just very strong in flavor. Eating an entire piece at once is like getting a fruity punch in the mouth.

I love that you tracked down the Vampire Hair one.
Pickled Patriarch
Nov 3rd, 2013, 09:32 PM
Thanks for reading and sharing the article everyone!

MasterD - He does have some similar traits to Fruity Yummy Mummy. I'd be more suspicious if his wrappings were fruit colored though hehe.

That Other Guy - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqDBB0no6dQ

Cheez - I do like the aesthetics of the Halloween KitKats, absolutely. I just didn't review them since I've covered them in the past and it wasn't like they put out a new flavor or anything hehe.

dextire - Oh you know as soon as I heard about it I was determined to find the Vampire Hair! Oddly enough, I found it in an idependent candy shop when I was back visiting Richmond earlier in the summer. Go figure.

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