by: -RoG-

...CONTINUED

Gallerie Snoopy Pumpkin-Mobile Candies

Much like the Bat Fan candies from Flix, this Peanuts Snoopy pumpkin toy is nicely made, but there's not a lot to be said for the candy within. The candies are of the sour variety and leave a slight burning sensation in your throat. Pretty standard for sour candies, but there's no real flavor to them, so you're really just buying this for the Halloween toy. It's nice they at least give you a mix of smiling jack-o-lanterns and yellow dog bones, rather than some generic pellet-shaped candies though.

out of 5 Mad Scientists

ZomBee Bloody Bites Oozing Candy Blood Bags

So these come with a set of novelty vampire fangs that glow-in-the-dark. You can fill them with the candy ooze before putting them in your mouth if you want to make a hell of a mess too. Anyway, the thing that surprised me about the candy blood ooze was that it was watermelon flavored. I'm not a big watermelon fan as it is, but I think we can all agree that cherry is the official flavor of candy blood, right? What's worse, the watermelon has a bitter chemical taste that would make any vampire wince and fly off into the night. So yeah, unless you're hard up for a set of glow-in-the-dark fangs, I'd steer clear of these.

out of 5 Audrey II plants

Gallerie Spooktacular Lollipop

This is one of those classic oversized swirly lollipops that nobody should be able to finish in one sitting... unless of course you're Sam from Trick 'r Treat. Anyway, it has a nice bend of orange, purple, and green seasonal Halloween colors to it and the orange flavor is pretty decent. It'd a mild orange for sure, but that's probably a good thing when you're trying to consume a lollipop of this size. They also include two Halloween jokes on the back of the box. Are you ready?

• Question: What is a ghost's favorite dessert? Answer: BOOBERRY PIE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

• Question: What is a vampire's favorite holiday? Answer: FANGSGIVING! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Well, at least the lollipop doesn't leave a bad taste in your mouth.

out of 5 Jaws

Target Gummy Spider

This is one of those giant gummies that you can't help but admire simply because it packs so much weight. It's a piece of gummy art that you almost hate to destroy with your teeth. But don't think your teeth will have an easy time doing so, because this thing is thick, and you'll even have a tough time cutting through it with a knife. At least the package says it's "made giant for sharing". I guess even they realize that nobody should try to eat this mammoth on their own. The spider has two flavors - grape and apple - and both are represented by the purple and green colors. And even though it doesn't look like a Black Widow spider, I still love that they threw the notorious hourglass symbol on its back anyway. I'm also happy to report that the taste is very good for a gummy... it's a nice 'n strong grape & apple flavoring.

out of 5 tombstones

Target Gummy Bat

Taking up even more surface area than the aforementioned spider is the giant Gummy Bat. I like this one even more because not only is the design just as good, but it's blue raspberry and cherry, which has always been one of my favorite flavor combinations when done right. It's nice to see a company making gummies that actually taste really good instead of just being aesthetically pleasing. They're meant to be devoured, so that should always be the first consideration for confectioners. So yeah, if you can track this one done, it's absolutely worth trying.

out of 5 Grim Reapers

Gummy Witch Tongue

Gummy tongue candies are nothing new, but this is easily the largest one I've ever had. What's nice is that it's covered in warts (like all witch tongues naturally would be) and it comes in a resealable package. Again, this is a BIG tongue, so it's nice they give you a way to store it so you don't feel rushed to eat it all in one sitting. The gummy tongue itself is soft enough, and the blue raspberry flavor is good, but I would've liked it to be a lot sweeter. Still, it's hard to find an edible, huge, blue, wart-covered tongue, so beggars can't be choosers.

Wanna make out?

out of 5 hungry piranhas

Gallerie Gummy Tongue With Fangs

Now I've reviewed a variation of this candy in the past. It's a regular sized candy tongue that comes with a set of novelty orange vampire fangs. While it's not as impressive as the huge blue witch tongue, this gummy has a nice sour green apple flavor that tastes just right. Not too sour and just the right amount of sweet. Pretty good for a gummy.

My offer to make out still stands.

out of 5 Wolfman Jacks

Dr. Frank N. Stein's Blood Drips

These appear to be a strawberry alternative to the Extreme Creations cherry candy blood bags I reviewed back in 2010. Well, for starters, you can never go wrong with a classic "Dr. Frank N. Stein" name pun. I'll never tire of ultra-cheesy naming conventions like that. The blood bag also tells you it's "For candy infusion use only! For treatment of 'sweet tooth' and other types of confection infections." Good stuff.

While the packaging is certainly way better than Extreme Creations version, the candy itself leaves much to be desired. It's just a very mild strawberry that doesn't do much for me, and considering you have to squeeze the dickens out of the bag just to get a drop out of it, it's a pretty weak payoff.

Overall, it's alright but as far as candy blood goes, there's still no topping the insanely tasty Wonka Sweet Tarts Squeeze Blood from back in 2009. They really need to make that stuff available all year round.

out of 5 zombies

Ausome Klik Candy Dispensers

Wow, I haven't seen these since all the way back in 2006! Back then, they had a skeleton and pumpkin one, now a mummy has been added to the family as well. He's got a unique body design too, what with all the hieroglyphics, gauze, blood, and really sharp toenails. Who knew that mummies were in serious need of a pedicure? Well anyway, I'm just glad to see they're still being made, cuz they were a great alternative to Pez candy dispensers. The only problem is, the candy has changed since 2006. They used to be like Razzles where they would start off as a candy and then become bubble gum. Now they're just candies that don't taste quite as good as Smarties. So yeah, the container is awesome as ever and I'm glad to see them return with a new character, but I wish they kept the candies the way they used to be. Well, you can always just buy some Smarties and stick 'em in the container.

out of 5 vampire bats

Reese's Peanut Butter Pumpkin

I feel like I've seen this large one before, and I've definitely reviewed Reese's smaller pumpkin counterparts as early as back in 2005, but I couldn't pass a chance to eat a huge peanut butter pumpkin. This isn't a candy mind you, it's a meal. But damn if it isn't a delicious one, but you don't need me to tell you that. If you've had Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, then you know how the pumpkin tastes. The only difference is that this is like eating six peanut butter cups at once.

out of 5 sheet ghosts

Ground Goblin & Ground Zombie Licorice Laces

Holy crap! This is definitely the biggest candy surprise of the 2013 season for me. Target is selling these huge candy packs made to look like ground beef. You get one pound of green apple flavored "Ground Goblin", or one pound of strawberry flavored "Ground Zombie". ONE POUND! Now while I prefer the actual taste of Sour Punch straws to these, there's no denying that the sheer amount of candy you're getting here is incredible.

But if you think that's impressive, just wait 'til you see the next and final candy on my list this year...

out of 5 zombie hands

Ground Gremlin Candy Meat

No, your eyes are not deceiving you... that's TWO POUNDS of candy meat for you to devour. Ground Gremlin meat! Twenty-four servings worth! If you took Gizmo or Stripe and ground them up, I imagine this is pretty damn close to how much beef you'd end up with. Absolutely amazing! It's the exact same stuff the strawberry zombie meat is made from, and produced by the same company. It would've been nice if they could've gotten the licensing rights to make it an official Gremlins movie candy, but I can see how the rights holders wouldn't want to have people eating their precious creations. But hey, we can all still have fun pretending. This is worth buying for the sheer spectacle of it alone. I'd tell you to frame it and hang it on the wall, but it's so damn heavy that no hangers could hold it. Guess you're just gonna have to eat it. Maybe you can pour water on it and it'll turn into four pounds of Gremlin meat? Have at it!

out of 5 Mummies

So that does it for my Ultimate Guide to the Halloween Candies of 2013. I think there were less truly bizarre candies this season, but overall there were a lot tastier ones, and that's always a good thing. Wanna know what else is a good thing? Me getting my stomach pumped in the immediate future. As always, I must remind you that many of the candies I reviewed last year and other previous years are back in stores again for this season, so be sure to keep an eye out for them as well. If you happen to spot any candies that I haven't covered yet, drop me a line and let me know so I can try to track 'em down before Halloween rolls around next year. Now if you'll excuse me, since I've finished testing and reviewing all these candies, Sam has moved on to inspecting my Halloween decorations to make sure they're up to code.

By the way, I can't even begin to tell you how much work goes into putting this article together every year, so I'd reallly appreciate it if you would please share my big candy review on your favorite social networks with all your pals. You can find the link to the first page of candies below. And speaking of below, be sure to drop a comment down there to lemme know what you thought of all the candies I reviewed and if there were any ones I missed out on this season. Thanks for reading my big review; now get out there, eat a ton of candies, and have a keen Halloween!

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