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Halloween Safety Second Edition: An Educational Film From 1985
by: -RoG-

...CONTINUED

Now that Jeremy's costume has been altered to ensure he receives an all hallow's beatdown, it's time to ruin Jessica's costume. The small eye holes on her costume apparently make it too hard for her to see as well, so what do they do? They remove the mask altogether and smear a bunch of red make-up all over her face instead. What's wrong with cutting the eye holes open a little bigger instead of trashing the mask entirely? This is now transitioning from a "Halloween Safety" film to a "How to defile perfectly good Halloween costumes" film. Seriously though, it's like they don't want anybody to buy masks in these things. Halloween masks are apparently the cause of more deaths than anything in the history of our world, so it sure is a good thing we have Mr. Pumpkin here to guide us.

On a side note, you gotta love Jessica's enthusiasm as she pulls back the curtains and unleashes a ferocious "GRRRR!!!" to unveil her scary Halloween face to the world.

Next, Mr. Pumpkin instructs us to always be careful when crossing the street, especially if we're wearing masks. We should lift up our masks and look both ways before crossing. Of course, if he had his way, we'd remove our masks completely, wear leg warmers and swim across the street in a puddle of our own tears. He then instills us with some more of his timeless wisdom: "When it's dark, you can't see what's there."

The group of kids soon makes their way up to Mr. Pumpkin's house where they're greeted by an older man who wants to take a photograph of them immediately. Don't worry kids, I'm sure he's not a registered sex offender or anything like that. According to Mr. Pumpkin, the photograph was taken to demonstrate how reflective tape on costumes can be seen easily by cars passing by. That's all fine 'n dandy, but the people in that house don't need to take photos of all the kids who come to their place, do they?

Well, at least one of the kids clearly realizes that having a stranger take her photo like that is pretty damned creepy.

Now we move onto the wonderful world of Halloween pranks. This is basically when Mr. Pumpkin complains about all the pranks that take place on Halloween. What this stuff has to do with Halloween safety is beyond me. First up, he complains about how some people use spray paint and ruin other people's things. We then see a shot of a bicycle seat that was spray painted and its owner, a boy who is heartbroken... HEARTBROKEN about it. This kid is a horror movie tale just waiting to happen. "There once was a boy who had his bike seat tagged by shitty graffiti artists on Halloween, and that's when the killing started..."

 

Next, we see a disappointed father and son staring at their brick wall which was recently egged. Look at the disappointment on the father as he shakes his head and his son just stands there helplessly. It's as if he's looking at his son and saying, "It's because you're weak and unpopular that this happened. If I gave birth to a cool kid, they wouldn't be throwing eggs at our home." Don't worry kid, daddy's just upset because the same thing happened to him when he was a young nerd too.

Mr. Pumpkin also adds his two cents: "It isn't fun to spoil other people's things and make them unhappy." Oh really? Then maybe you shouldn't have kids throw their masks away in exchange for wearing mommy's make-up all over their faces. Maybe you shouldn't make robots wear leg warmers. Why? Because that's a good way to spoil their fun and make them unhappy.

And now, we arrive at the inevitable discussion about people who like to smash pumpkins. A perpetrator runs up the steps and it looks as if he's about to stomp down on Mr. Pumpkin. Just when our dreams of seeing him crushed beneath the feet of a disgruntled youngster, the kid has a change of heart and decides to leave Mr. Pumpkin alone. OH COME ON! Didn't you hear what Mr. Pumpkin was saying earlier about how getting his insides scooped out tickles him!? If that tickles him, just IMAGINE how much getting smashed to bits would tickle him! COME ON KID! DO IT! DO IT! DOOOOOOO IT!!!!!!!!!

Unfortunately, the kid never smashes the pumpkin, so I suppose the safety lessons must continue. Now he dishes out some of the more typical bits of advice... don't go out alone, always bring an adult with you, don't go inside any stranger's homes, don't walk around in the dark without a flashlight, don't go swimming for at least a half-hour after gorging on Halloween candy, etc etc.

 

We're now treated to footage of the kids crossing the street as Mr. Pumpkin talks about how easy it is to see them for cars and that they wouldn't want an accident to spoil their Halloween fun. I think that may have been a subtle jab at drunk drivers.

Once the trick-or-treating fun is over, we're taken back to Corey's home where she and her father are inspecting all of the candies she collected before she eats them. She clearly lives in a strange neighborhood... just check out some of the treats she got. "Dogs and Pups puffy stickers"? Who the hell gives out that on Halloween? And, of course, she received some pills too. And then there's her lovely chocolate bar:

 

What the hell happened to that thing? It's like Jeff Goldblum turned into Brundlefly and vomited digestive enzymes all over some chocolate bars and then gave 'em out to all the trick-or-treaters. Seriously, I want to know what neighborhood she lives in so I can stay the hell away from there. Her dad had to throw away half of her so-called treats. Sorry Corey... Halloween is better in other towns, I promise.

 

In the tradition of all safety films, we now get a recap of everything we learned in the film:

-Carve your pumpkin carefully.
-Make sure you can see.
-Make sure people can see you.
-Remember all your safety rules.
-Take off your mask when crossing the street.
-Trick-or-treat in your own neighborhood.
-Don't keep any treats that don't look right.

I think we learned that the second-to-last rule doesn't always apply. Look what happened to Corey. She got screwed out of a lot of Halloween treats all because she went trick-or-treating in her neighborhood which is apparently inhabited by sadists.

As Mr. Pumpkin says goodbye for Halloween, it looks like a real ghost decided to stop by and blow out his candle. It's probably the spirit of some kid who followed all of Mr. Pumpkin's safety rules and still ended up getting murdered on Halloween. I think we've all learned a valuable lesson here today: Don't take advice from animated pumpkins.

Click below to watch parts 1 and 2 of the "Halloween Safety (Second Edition)" 1985 educational film!


part 1


part 2

Have any questions or comments about this piece?
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS IN THE READER COMMENTS SECTION BELOW!

 

If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:


Halloween Safety: An Educational Film From 1977 By Centron!

Reader Comments

I hate this hacker crap!
Sep 1st, 2009, 11:08 AM
Halloween has come to I-Mockery and it's brought talking jack-o-lanterns.

I love September.
SKATASTIC
Sep 1st, 2009, 01:26 PM
I love the :O pumpkin face right before the oncoming doom.
The best...around
Sep 1st, 2009, 06:12 PM
The guts scooping animated gif cracked me up. There's nothing like seeing Halloween footage and images from the 70s and 80s. Something about it seemed much more sinister and dangerous than it is now.
I am Johnny Luchador
Sep 1st, 2009, 07:04 PM
actually I have to say ROG, I made that robot costume 2 years back, and it seriously was a pain in the ass to move about, that and being 6'3 in a giant cardboard tinfoil robot costume. Doors were a complete nitemare, children ran in terror, drinks and tables were knocked over. However, it was the most bitchin Costume around!
Member
Sep 1st, 2009, 07:19 PM
I was listening to Altered Images "See Those Eyes" this morning as I read the article. Makes amusing background music for the animated GIFs.
Forum Virgin
Sep 1st, 2009, 07:52 PM
This brings back memories. I remember watching this in class back when I was like in 1st grade.
taco loving zombie
Sep 1st, 2009, 08:28 PM
this one cracked me up great article
Forum Virgin
Sep 2nd, 2009, 12:13 AM
what the hell was all over that candy bar?

and that is definitely not what i imagine pumpkins sounding like.
Forum Virgin
Sep 2nd, 2009, 12:52 AM
Dude this is classic i-Mockery. I have been waiting for an article like this for a long time!
grants but one wish
Sep 2nd, 2009, 05:21 AM
at least they dident end up dressed like a klan member going to a rave like last year
Forum Virgin
Sep 2nd, 2009, 11:27 AM
That was some really great funky-disco at the beginning.
Forum Virgin
Sep 2nd, 2009, 08:27 PM
not as funny as the first one but still pretty funny
The Claw of Justice
Sep 3rd, 2009, 12:42 AM
I love these old safety videos. Someone should take the creepier clips and put them in a slasher movie.

"This Halloween...Safety tape won't save you."
Member
Sep 3rd, 2009, 12:57 AM
What? There's no Incredibly Serious Cat?
Pickled Patriarch
Sep 3rd, 2009, 01:37 AM
I know Julio, I missed that cat too. I guess the old saying about sequels never being quite as good as the originals apply to educational films as well. After all, the original didn't have a condescending animated talking pumpkin...
Guilty grey formaldehyde
Sep 3rd, 2009, 11:13 AM
Hilarious. I thought it was a bit sad that Corey and her father were so formal and awkward around each other like they barely knew each other: "have you ever seen the inside of a pumpkin before?" I get the feeling he isn't around much anymore.

Also, the introduction with the floating masks could be the start for a great music video for The Cure.
Forum Virgin
Sep 4th, 2009, 03:16 AM
Holy &$*#, I so remember watching this... I love how the pumpkin is a creepy voyeuristic perv... Happy Halloween!
An Arizona Horror Company
Sep 6th, 2009, 08:04 PM
Damn. Nobody ever gave me pills when I went trick or treating. I feel so deprived.
Pickled Patriarch
Sep 7th, 2009, 01:38 AM
Well there's always this year, Desert_Screams. And if they don't just hand the pills out to you, offer to raid their medicine cabinets. And while you're in there, go for the Flintstones vitamins. Or better yet, see if they have an old pack of Monster vitamins!
after enough bourbon ...
Sep 7th, 2009, 10:10 AM
Are you sure those "pills" weren't just orange-flavored tic tacs?
pickled
Sep 10th, 2009, 02:55 PM
That pumpkin is a jerk.
Presidential Procurer
Sep 23rd, 2009, 07:16 PM
All the kids dressin' like witches and ghost-es.
I put a nasty-ass bitch in hypnosis
Forum Virgin
Dec 15th, 2009, 06:48 PM
LOL! OMG! I remember when they showed us this video in 2nd Grade. So old!

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