by: -RoG-

Halloween III: Season of the Witch. Also known as "The Night Nobody Came Home" and "The Last Halloween". I have to say, it took a lot of guts to make this movie. John Carpenter had already changed the horror genre forever and people had themselves a new horror hero in the form of Michael Myers. So what does Tommy Lee Wallace do? He produces a new movie using the same "Halloween" title, yet abandons the Michael Myers storyline for something completely different. Fans weren't just upset about this decision... they downright hated it.

I'm sure that I'm in the minority here, but I absolutely love this movie. If you put aside the whole Michael Myers ordeal and look at it simply as an old horror movie, it's a total classic. The story is all about an old toymaker's conspiracy to kill lots 'n lots of kids on Halloween. As many of you know, killing children has always been one of those taboo subjects in films. Honestly, I don't think enough horror movies do it. So let's take a closer look at what, in my opinion, is highly underrated horror flick.

Oh and in case you were wondering... no that's not me throwing all Photoshop skills out the window. That graphic up there is actually the title graphic they used in the movie. Awesome.

It all starts off with an old guy Harry Grimbridge. He's running frantically with a Halloween pumpkin mask in his hands from some young guys in suits. One of them captures him in that same classic "Oh I won't run after you, I'll just walk slowly and somehow still manage to catch you" horror movie kind of way. Harry is being choked to death but he manages to remove the wedge from underneath the tire of a nearby parked car. The car then rolls right into the guy in the suit and crushes him as Harry runs off into the night.

Shortly after, Harry makes his way to a nearby gas station and the attendant is watching TV when a commercial comes on. The commercial is advertising Silver Shamrock Novelties' line of popular Halloween masks - A skull, a pumpkin, and a witch. "It's almost time, kids. The clock is ticking. Be in front of your TV sets for the Horrorthon, followed by the Big Giveaway. Don't miss it. And don't forget to wear your masks. The clock is ticking. It's almost time."

The commercial progresses into various shots of kids bobbing their heads to the infamous Silver Shamrock theme song while wearing each of the 3 masks. Now I warn you; the Silver Shamrock theme song will get in your head and will not leave. It will stay in there and you will soon wish you had never heard it. No matter what you listen to for the next month, that song will continue to pop back into your thoughts and drive you mad. Then again, I think that's pretty much what all children's music is meant to do. Even come Christmas time when all of those catchy holiday tunes are being overplayed on every radio station, you'll still be humming the Silver Shamrock theme.

Harry collapses to the ground with the mask still in hand and keeps mumbling something about, "They're going to kill us. All of us! All of us!" Well, the gas station attendant does what any good citizen would do; he douses Harry in gasoline and then sets him on fire. No, he takes Harry to the local hospital of course. Harry keeps talking about how "they" are gonna kill everyone, yet in classic style... he can't elaborate any further on just who "they" are or how they're going to "kill" us all. Unfortunately for Harry, it appears that one of those guys in the fancy suits followed him back to the hospital.

The man in the suit casually walks into Harry's room when nobody is around. He may be a small guy, but he still has that same eerie patience and calm that Michael Myers has when stalking a victim.

He also appears to have the same strength as you evidenced by the fact that he just crushed Harry's nose with his bare hands. It might not have the same basic plot as the other Halloween movies, but clearly the kills are up to par.

The nurse completely freaks out upon discovering Harry's mashed face and she points to the man in the suit who walks out of the hospital. Dr. Daniel Challis tries chasing after him, but as you already know, in the world of horror movies, walking is faster than running. The guy in the suit douses himself in gasoline and sets himself on fire. And no I'm not kidding this time. The car explodes shortly thereafter and the good doctor is left to wonder what in the hell just happened.

Later on, the daughter of Harry Grimbridge, Ellie, shows up to find out what happened. Well she tracks down the doctor at a local bar and they get to talking about how the last place Harry was known to be was in Santa Mira apparently trying to find out why they weren't taking orders for the masks the following year. Naturally, the doctor clears everything on his schedule (including his own family) and goes on a long drive out to Santa Mira with this young woman he just met.

Hey... it could happen.

They arrive in Santa Mira and discover that the whole town has a heavy Irish theme to many of the shops. Shamrock Savings bank, the Dublin Inn, and of course the pride and joy of the town - Silver Shamrock Novelties. The good doctor and Ellie decide that it'd be better off if they develop a plan before just barging into Silver Shamrock asking what happened to her father. So they rent a room and what follows is pure hilarity. It's like they ripped a page right out of the daytime drama show handbook...

Dr Challis: Maybe I ought to get another room.

Ellie: That would look sort of suspicious, wouldn't it?

Dr Challis: What I mean is, if it'd make you more comfortable... I can sleep in the car - it'd be a lot better than this floor, anyway.
 
Ellie: (looks towards him with hungry eyes) But where do you want to sleep, Dr. Challis?

Dr Challis: (deep pause) That's a dumb question, Miss Grimbridge.

And then they begin to suck face. Man... I really want that to happen to me just to see what it's like.

RoG: I can sleep in the car - it'd be a lot better than this floor, anyway.
 
Woman I just met: But where do you want to sleep, RoG?

RoG: Did you not hear me? I just said I want to sleep in the car, you friggin' slut!

Hey, you have your fantasy and I have mine...

Well 6pm rolls around and I'm sorry to report that the town of Santa Mira doesn't have much of a nightlife. In fact, there are loudspeakers all over the town telling everybody to confine their activities to inside their homes because it's now curfew. A 6pm curfew? Yeah, I wouldn't make any road trip plans to check this place out.

The most exciting person in the whole place is the town drunk, Starker. He's the only one breaking curfew and begins to rant to the doctor about how Conal Cochran, the owner of Silver Shamrock Novelties, wouldn't give him a job. Starker says Cochran only hired people from out of town and goes on to say how he's gonna get himself "a case and a half of molotov cocktails and burn that son of a bitch right down!" I'm really liking this Starker guy. He's a man with a plan. Sadly, that plan is about to have a huge setback.

Starker returns to his shack in the middle of a junkyard and makes a nice cheese-whiz sandwich for himself. Not only is he a man with a plan, but he clearly appreciates the finer things in life. His tasty treat is interrupted by two of those creepy guys in the suits. They make him get on his knees and and first glance, it looks like they're about to rape him. Don't worry, it's nothing like that. They just want to tear his head off.

Where do they find these creepy guys in the suits anyway?

Back at the motel, a lady who's in town to pick up some more masks to sell notices that the Silver Shamrock "quality inspection seal" has fallen off one of the masks. When she flips the seal over she notices a small computer chip embedded in its back. Being the electrical engineer that she is, she starts poking at it with a hairpin and...

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP!

She is blasted straight in the face from the seal with a powerful laser beam and it's quite clear that she's dead. If the fact that her entire mouth has been destroyed didn't clue you in on her being dead, perhaps the fact that there are now bugs climbing out of the gaping hole will. This isn't your typical laser beam that burns holes in a person's face. No, this laser beam burns a hole in your face and then makes insects magically appear inside said hole. John Carpenter had a thing for bugs back in the 80's though as you can see in his movie "Prince of Darkness".

Conal Cochran shows up shortly after and when he asks what happens, someone mumbles something about a "misfire". He explains to the other motel guests that this woman simply had an accident and will receive the best medical treatment available. According to Cochran, the Silver Shamrock factory has it's own advanced medical facility inside it! No wonder people are getting suspicious... I can't think of too many novelty factories that have their advanced medical facilities.

WILL THE SILVER SHAMROCK FACTORY BECOME THE
NEW SET FOR A TWISTED SPIN-OFF OF "E.R." ?
WILL THE CREEPY GUYS IN SUITS ATTACK MORE
DRUNKS WHO ENJOY CHEESE-WHIZ SANDWICHES?
Click onward to page 2 and find out!