Not to be a bastard, but I doubt you'll get to that guy in time,
Lois, no matter how educated your feet are. On average, Lois gained
some sort of superpower twice a month, this being one of the more
The story of how Lois met Superman is far from untold, and I'm
pretty sure this isn't how it happened. And giving away kisses for
charity is very noble, but surely there are better ways for Superman
to do good than this. But then again, the Lois Lane comics were
basically Archie with Betty and Victoria pulled out and replaced
with Lois and Lana. And Archie himself... well, you get the idea.
Here's a good example. Throw in the guy with the crown (Jimmy would
be a good substitute) and you've got an Archie comic right there.
And I must say, that's an impressive steak Superman has scored. I
don't know if the butcher has a secret stash for his superhero
customers or if Supes personally yanked it out of a hippo, but damn
that's some meat.
You know, about five years ago, Philips tried to market a turquoise
plastic helmet with big pink antennas sticking out of it which could
be programmed with your interests. Then, you would be able to walk
around with it on your head to try to find someone, who was also
wearing a helmet of course, with similar interests. If you passed
that special someone on the street, the helmet would start making
noises and flash, and you could simply go and have sex or get
married right away, because how could the helmet possibly fail? This
is absolutely positively true, by the way. So did Nostradamus
himself write this issue and post it to DC Comics like Doc Brown did
in Back to the Future Part II? You tell me... you tell me.
Lana has an even more impressive piece of machinery. I mean, being
able to figure out what she wants it to with so little information?
That's what I call a thinking computer!
That doesn't make any kind of sense.
Well, some people shut off their cellphones to get away from the
outside world, some people do drugs or bury themselves in work. But
sometimes, the only thing that works is becoming the leader of a
I'm sure you have your reasons, Lois. I know a lot of contemporary
rappers would like that thing.
Superman, just get out of there. Those hoes be crazy, as Black Lois
would put it. No woman is worth that kind of trouble.
Not that Superman is much better. That guy is juggling more girls
than Luke Perry ever did in 90210. Gotta wonder who took that
picture, though. Did Superman just walk up to a guy with his camera
and ask "Could you please take a picture of me and the lady in front
of these fine buildings?"
Holy Christmas pudding! They're not robots! It's not a dream! You
know what? I bet it's still a hoax.
What is it with Superman and girls with initials L.L.? And what's
with the mermaid? There's actually a cover where Superman has
children with her, which I guess makes Superman a furry. Well, maybe
Sometimes, two people just aren't meant for each other. Maybe you
should just see other people. With the initials L.L., of course.
You can just picture Superman walking up that corridor, steaming
with anger, not caring what's gonna happen.
You're such a chauvnist, Superman.
They should've gotten out of that relationship long ago. Long long
Long long long ago.
The door swings both ways, though. Wow, I never knew Lex was such a
And finally, another randomly crazy cover. Why is Pat Boone and Lois
writing a song about Superman? Why must Superman use all his
superpowers to prevent it from becoming a hit, even though it's a
great tune? We'll never know, unless we go to eBay and use all our
money on old comic books.