Editorials

50 Awesome Tattoo Ideas
by: Protoclown

If you're like me, you probably think that tattoos are cool, but hesitate to get one yourself because you can't imagine anything that you'd actually want to have plastered on your body, and what seems like a cool or interesting idea now may just be a horrible embarrassment five or ten years down the road. That's why I've prepared this list of fifty awesome tattoo ideas that anyone should feel proud to have displayed on their flesh. Print this out, and the next time you find yourself drunkenly wandering outside a tattoo parlor, pull it out and you can rest assured that any one of these will make you proud. I can't take complete credit for all of these, because a few of them sprung from conversations I had with friends, where we were bouncing ideas back and forth. You guys know who you are, and I thank you for the contributions. Now, let's get on with the list.

· Closeup of Arnold Schwarzenegger smiling and holding a light bulb up next to his head. His eyes have been replaced with eggs cooked SUNNY SIDE UP!

· A gorilla doing a handstand with one hand on a rolling skateboard. With his other hand he is giving a "hang loose" gesture. The word "Maui" appears beneath him in a bananas-and-palm-trees tropical font. Must be absolutely photorealistic--not at all cartoony.

· A pair of shamed crickets dressed in tuxedos.

· Freddie Mercury, in tight white jeans and a wifebeater bearing a faded image of the Union Jack, firing a high-tech laser rifle into the air while wildly screaming. He is leaping over a toppling fruit cart spilling watermelons all over the ground beneath him.

· A "breakout" tattoo of an adorable beagle puppy, BURSTING THROUGH YOUR SKIN!!!

· A group of your friends' faces attached to naked little cherub bodies, all across your back.

· Calvin pissing on Calvin pissing on Calvin pissing on Calvin wrapped all around your arm or leg.

· A leprechaun holding a samurai sword with a menacing grin on his face.

· Pee Wee Herman sitting in a movie theater with a large tub of popcorn on his lap. He is reaching deep into the tub with one hand, his eyes are rolling back slightly, as if in pleasure, and his tongue is slightly sticking out of the corner of his mouth.

· A tattoo of the tattoo artist who is giving you the tattoo giving you that VERY SAME TATTOO!

· You, in a convertible, wearing sunglasses and driving off a cliff while flipping off the viewer, with the word "sassy" written under it in a cursive script.

· A "breakout" tattoo of a cow chewing cud, BURSTING THROUGH YOUR SKIN!!!

· Batman fighting Dick Cheney, who is holding an umbrella in a defensive stance and grimacing menacingly.

· Satan going through a bubble-filled car wash. He is looking right at you, smiling, and giving a thumbs-up gesture. His nipples are poking into his white t-shirt just a bit.

· Two children gleefully smiling and looking up at a rotisserie chicken floating on a string they are holding.

· The Gerber baby with a Hitler moustache.

· A "breakout" tattoo of Bob Ross poking outward with a paintbrush, BURSTING THROUGH YOUR SKIN!!!

· A Super Mario "magic mushroom" on your dick (if you have a dick).

· A nice fruit basket.

· Sylvester Stallone arm wrestling Bea Arthur over a milk crate. She is barely winning and he is openly sobbing.

· Hugh Heffner working feverishly on writing a script for a play.

· Your significant other crying, masturbating, and eating ice cream, ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!! (Note: their discovery of this tattoo on your person must be a surprise.)

· Your favorite financial spreadsheet.

· A holiday advent calendar on your back (note: must be willing to cut flaps into top layer of skin and stuff candy into them).

· A sad clown crying on a ski slope. He is holding cattle prods in his hands and instead of skis he has EXTREMELY LARGE HOT DOGS (in buns) strapped to his feet.

· A "breakout" tattoo of a tap-dancing guy with a tuxedo, top hat and cane, BURSTING THROUGH YOUR SKIN!!!

· Ben Franklin, shirtless in a rainstorm, with his hands on his hips, and he is sort of halfway between muscular and pudgy. A kite flies in the air above him, trailing a string that is attached to his nipple ring. He is looking skyward with an almost giddy anticipation.

· A series of images across your fat, fat belly, of you making multiple trips up to the buffet line at the Golden Corral.

· A pair of closed eyes on your eyelids.

· A tableau consisting of an evilly grinning doctor giving an abortion, a group of people throwing the Ten Commandments out of a courthouse, two men holding hands while kissing, and the smoking World Trade Center towers in the background. Above them all is a sky filled with clouds, a proudly flapping American flag, and a giant eagle's face, looking down on all this and shedding a single tear.

· Lionel Richie singing and dancing on the ceiling.

· A "breakout" tattoo of a human fetus, BURSTING THROUGH YOUR SKIN!! Bonus points if you are male, or it is in an area where fetuses don't go, like your shoulder or thigh.

· God, as a bearded old man clad in robes riding a motorcycle. Baby Jesus is riding in a sidecar, smoking a cigar and firing a machine gun.

· An aged, fat Elvis Presley, sitting on a couch in a wifebeater shirt with a tub of ice cream sitting on his massive beer gut. Underneath in a rocktastic font are the words "ELVIS LIVES".

· A golden necklace hanging from a large golden chain, and other various bits of bling.

· The wrinkly face of Emperor Palpatine grimacing on the side of your neck--no, seriously--I saw a guy who actually had this and it was the worst tattoo I've ever seen.

· Small wheels on the side of your feet.

· Not just your picture from your high school senior yearbook, but the entire page it appears on.

· Popeye the sailor on your bicep, admiring your bicep.

· A "breakout" tattoo of Richard Simmons smiling big, holding up jazz hands with sparkles flying off of them, BURSTING THROUGH YOUR SKIN IN YOUR "TRAMP STAMP" AREA!

· Vincent Price, in a young boy's body but with an old man's head, sitting on a park bench wearing one of those totally gay children's sailor suits and happily licking a lollipop. His feet don't touch the ground and his eyes are glowing red.

· A bowtie around your neck.

· Your best friend's mom in a sexy pose.

· General Zod's face, mouth wide open, as if yelling, tattooed around your genitals, so that your junk is coming out of his mouth. Then the next time you're about to have sex with someone new, you can convince them to give you head by dropping trou and telling them to “kneel before Zod”.

· Your computer desktop.

· A nerdy cartoon turtle wearing glasses tap-dancing on a field of corpses.

· Conan the Barbarian, swinging his sword wildly through the air, riding one of those little horsey rides that they have for kids outside of grocery stores.

· A pair of sunglasses on your face.

· The famous marine flag-raising at Iwo Jima, only instead of marines raising the flag it's Ronald McDonald, Hulk Hogan, Ronald Reagan, and Dale Earnhardt. On the American flag the stars have been replaced with $ signs.

· A close-up of Patrick Stewart's face, winking at you and giving a friendly smile, in your tramp stamp area. Rumor has it that Mr. Stewart himself has this very tattoo.

I have deliberately not included any images in this piece because I doubt they could live up to my imagination, and I don't want to be responsible for anyone's monitor exploding into tiny shards from overloading on the sheer amount of awesome this webpage would then generate. However, if any of you artist types out there would like to try your hand at any of these designs (keeping in mind that we do try to keep this site safe for work), by all means, I invite you to post any of your interpretations in the thread below! (use the [img] [/img] tag to post them)

If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:


The Geek Hierarchy

Reader Comments

Forum Virgin
Jun 24th, 2008, 05:48 AM
...now i will have to avoid tattoo parlors...

also wouldn't Santa Claus with his pants dropped sitting on a chimney, reading a newspaper, with the words "i got your presents right here" make a decent tattoo?
Smooth Operator
Jun 24th, 2008, 06:38 AM
The Zod idea made me chuckle, mostly because I've already nick-named my junk zod.
grants but one wish
Jun 24th, 2008, 09:04 AM
im going to get all of them... IN THE SAME PLACE!
Sapper Whacker
Jun 24th, 2008, 09:59 AM
lol greenimp that would just make one huge black square. I have a music bar with the treble clef going around my bicep, with the chords to a Beatles song tattooed on top of them
40 pound box of rape?
Jun 24th, 2008, 10:17 AM
My friend got the Heartagram tattooed on the inside of his right wrist. I was like "Dude, you know you're a trademark of Bam now, right?"
なにをみてんだよ
Jun 24th, 2008, 11:24 AM
With so many good ideas, you should get one of them Proto. However, if it's the Mario mushroom or Zod, no pictures please.

http://gojira-otaku.livejournal.com/
Commarade General
Jun 24th, 2008, 11:40 AM
Quote:
God, as a bearded old man clad in robes riding a motorcycle. Baby Jesus is riding in a sidecar, smoking a cigar and firing a machine gun.
I hate tatoos, but that would be awesome as one. Or as a painting... hell, even as a window in a church or as postage stamp.
Freelance Product Tester
Jun 24th, 2008, 12:38 PM
Before I clicked on it, I thought it was going to be by Max Burbank. Do you blame me?
High Priest of Burbank
Jun 24th, 2008, 01:08 PM
I agree with BurntToShreds; this piece is very out of the typical for Mr. Proto. It sounds more like a piece by My Lord and Savior Max Burbank. It was a phenomenal read, though, and I would very much like to have the one of God and Jesus on the motorcycle.
Pickled Patriarch
Jun 24th, 2008, 01:31 PM
Heheh yeah, when he first sent me the article I had to do a double check to make sure it was him since it's usually Max who sends in big lists of 50 things like that. I'd say more, but I have an appointment to get a tat of Richard Simmons BURSTING THROUGH MY SKIN.
High Priest of Burbank
Jun 24th, 2008, 01:39 PM
So... who'll be first to bring this graphic to a tattoo shop and get it around their arm?



My friends heads on nude cherubs probably coming soon.
The Goddamned Batman
Jun 24th, 2008, 01:41 PM
I've done list pieces like this before (like my list of reasons why the Transformers movie would suck), but you're right, this particular one is pretty atypical for me. I like to do something different and branch out every once in a while though.

I definitely get why people might have expected this to be a Burbank piece just seeing it linked on the front page though. And I won't deny that Max is one of my biggest influences when it comes to comedy writing.
High Priest of Burbank
Jun 24th, 2008, 02:11 PM
It doesn't meet all the criteria, so let's just say this is inspired by Proto.

High Priest of Burbank
Jun 24th, 2008, 02:12 PM

(Forgot to add it in last comment...)
Guilty grey formaldehyde
Jun 24th, 2008, 02:17 PM
Boo! for the Pee Wee jab...Paul Reubens is a comic genius, even if he isn't a Puritan.
The Goddamned Batman
Jun 24th, 2008, 02:49 PM
Lighten up, man. I'm a fan of Paul Reubens.
Leo Getz
Jun 24th, 2008, 03:48 PM

Here we go.
SKATASTIC
Jun 24th, 2008, 04:03 PM
It's totally missing the tattoo of Charlie Sheens face covering your entire face.
Guilty grey formaldehyde
Jun 24th, 2008, 04:20 PM
Protoclown, my boo! was directed in a general way at all pee wee jabs/jokes, not at you personally. I consider you a comic genius as well.
skank pronger
Jun 24th, 2008, 05:08 PM
A friend of mine has a large tattoo on his arm of a buff-looking Satan with an erection. No, I'm not kidding.
Riot Control
Jun 24th, 2008, 05:18 PM
I think that having both Jesus and Satan on a convertible with girls on the back seat while they all drink a beer and rock witt celestial (hellish) fervor will be just plain badass.
Fake Shemp
Jun 24th, 2008, 08:45 PM
Always thought a tattoo of a massive handlebar mustache on the face would be 7 shades of awesome
An Arizona Horror Company
Jun 24th, 2008, 09:54 PM
The Vincent Price one actually sounds pretty cool.
High Priest of Burbank
Jun 24th, 2008, 11:41 PM
The Richard Simmons one may be the gayest thing I've ever seen, except for two guys doing it.

Which I've totally never seen.
Forum Virgin
Jun 25th, 2008, 12:07 AM
I thought the leprechaun one sounded pretty cool... with some celtic written under it. Faith and begora or something.
Leo Getz
Jun 25th, 2008, 12:13 AM
Leo Getz
Jun 25th, 2008, 12:28 AM
Leo Getz
Jun 25th, 2008, 12:28 AM
Ok, that one sux.
Leo Getz
Jun 25th, 2008, 12:39 AM

This is my own version of a "breakout" tattoo. This one also kinda sucks, but it was my own idea.

With no inspiration, comes a crappy creation.
Leo Getz
Jun 25th, 2008, 01:04 AM
Man, you know there's nothing on YouTube when...
It's THAT big!
It said somewhere on the list "your computer desktop".
Imperial Stormtrooper
Jun 25th, 2008, 06:59 AM
Man i need to find a way to get my buddies to adorn themselves with one of the above tattoos... maybe after a heavy bout of drinking and some bribes..
Flying Finn
Jun 25th, 2008, 11:08 AM
Hey Creepy-critters,
Heartagram is not a Bam logo...it be the Invention of HIM singer Ville Valo.
So your friend is now an official HIM trademark carrier.
Congrats.
OH GOD
Jun 26th, 2008, 01:38 AM
either way it's fucking stupid, so who cares
Is a thin donkey
Jun 26th, 2008, 01:39 AM
50 different kinds of awesome, Proto. I'm especially fond of the bizzaro Iwo Jima one.
High Priest of Burbank
Jun 26th, 2008, 01:22 PM
I figured you guys would like to see my friend's variation on one of these.

pickled
Jun 29th, 2008, 01:19 PM
This list is godly, indeed.
Will chop you good.
Jun 30th, 2008, 04:09 AM
Quote:
Satan going through a bubble-filled car wash. He is looking right at you, smiling, and giving a thumbs-up gesture. His nipples are poking into his white t-shirt just a bit.
My neighbors are going to call the police because of my 2 A.M. maniacal laughter.

Thanks, Proto.
4 Eyes, No Brain.
Jun 30th, 2008, 05:44 PM
I love Ferrits idea of handlebar mustache. That would run the full spectrum of awesomeness.
Leo Getz
Jul 3rd, 2008, 12:00 AM
A suggestion:
Chuck Norris blowing gunsmoke from the tip of his right index finger.
GoldMember
Jul 4th, 2008, 10:40 PM
Awesome article as usual :D
my baby's mama
Jul 9th, 2008, 02:51 PM
proto thought my frog tat was a leprechaun holding a sword.

I'M AN INSPIRATION
The Goddamned Batman
Jul 10th, 2008, 01:21 AM
OMG YOU'RE A CHICAGO SONG
Senior Member
Apr 3rd, 2009, 08:02 PM
What about tattoo the Zig-Zag man with a tattoo on his bicep of a pot leaf smoking a bong, the bong has 'Taz' on it smoking a joint, and Taz is wearing a tye-died shirt with Fat Albert smoking a blunt. The Zig_Zag man has the words "Kannibis "Kannibal"(spelled just like that)using a typeface that looks like dog poop, or "balloon art". Oh, and it has to be on your fat stomach in day glow colors.
new chick on the block
Feb 16th, 2010, 02:53 PM
In response to this one: "Your significant other crying, masturbating, and eating ice cream, ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!! (Note: their discovery of this tattoo on your person must be a surprise.)"

Hahahahahahaha!! I was actually watching something on TLC the other night about some chick that couldn't stop masturbating AND she was addicted to food...So she'd do ALL 3 OF THOSE THINGS at once!! I almost felt bad for laughing at the time, because how pathetically sad would it be to have zero control like that? But also, at the same time...It's kind of a hilarious visual & a rather badass tat possibility.
sadomasochist
Nov 23rd, 2010, 03:53 PM
i am seriously considering the vicent price on a little boys body with an old man head

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