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New Cocktails

Are you looking for the ultimate trip? Well look no further! We have put together some of the best "cocktails" on earth! Hell, feel free to mix 'n match some of these cocktails & tell us how it goes!

 

Cocktail Name: "THE BEDROCK BASTARDIZER"

Ingredients: "Flinstones Chewable Vitamins" & "Didi-Seven"

How To Use: Take one of each character of the "Flinstones Vitamins" and grind into a fine powder. Mix with 5 tablespoons of "Didi-Seven" cleaner until 
a thick paste is created. Insert paste into rectum.

THE BUZZ: At first a seemingly very smooth buzz, but soon your anus will be on fire with the spirit of a true raver! You will dance like you have never danced before GUARANTEED!


Cocktail Name: "CRACK-0-MINTY POP ROX"

Ingredients: "Crack Cocaine" & "Coca Cola" & "Junior Mints"

How To Use: Put "Crack Cocaine" rocks into "Coca Cola" can and shake vigorously. Insert one "Junior Mint" into each nostril and inhale as much as possible so that the mints will be lodged well inside your nasal cavity. Now drink the shaken Crack/Cola mixture but DO NOT swallow. Hold your mouth closed tightly and hold your breath until you are just about ready to pass out. Just before you are about to pass out have a friend slap you on the back while you still keep your mouth closed tightly. The Crack/Cola mixture will be forced up into your nostrils and will shoot out the Junior Mints with amazing speed.

THE BUZZ: Everyone at the rave will see the two Crack/Coke/Snot-laced Junior Mints flying across the room and believe that they are being attacked by aliens. Everyone will fall to the ground and begin to cry and offer the aliens all of their drugs and neon accessories in exchange for the aliens sparing their lives. You can claim all of the drugs and accessories for yourself if you aren't unconscious or dead.


Cocktail Name: "THE NICORIFIC SHLAMARAMABINGO"

Ingredients: "NicoDerm CQ" & "Nasal Spray" & "Nail Polish"

How To Use: Take five (5) "NicoDerm CQ" patches and wrap them around your tongue. Open eyes wide and paint them with "Nail Polish" (any color of your choice!) until all you can see is the color of the nail polish. Don't worry if it stings and/or tingles, "That means it's working!" Now insert the "Nasal Spray" into your left ear and pump 30-60 times. If irritation occurs, simply switch ears. Repeat pumping until nail polish is blown out of eyes.

THE BUZZ: The potent dosage of nicotine will have an instant effect on you and you will feel a very strong buzz occurring. The colors of the nail polish that you will be seeing will also add to the trippy feeling. But to top it off, the nasal spray you are pumping into your ear(s) will counteract the nail polish once there is enough of it in your head. You will then pass out and when you wake up you will be completely blind. It's a really amazing feeling!


Cocktail Name: "ELMER'S HIGH"

Ingredients: "Elmer's Glue" & "Eye Drops"

How To Use: Fill each ear with "Elmer's Glue" until you can no longer hear the rave music being played. Put the eye drops in your eyes.

THE BUZZ: All the cruddy music will now be blocked out. Your head will start to feel better. And now that you have cleared your eyes out with the "eye drops", you can look around yourself and actually see things clearly for once. You'll realize how stupid everyone looks and how idiotic raves really are. There's no better high than laughing at a bunch of mindless idiots.


Cocktail Name: "MR. BRILLORAMA"

Ingredients: "Mr. Clean" & "Brillo Pads"

How To Use: Take the "Brillo Pads" and rub them all over your body as hard as you can until all your skin is gone and your muscles are completely exposed. Now take the bottle of "Mr. Clean" and pour it all over your body.

THE BUZZ: With all the drugs you've done over the years, your body was very dirty on the inside. So by removing the top layer of your skin you have exposed the "dirty" inner portion of your body. And what better way to make it all better than with "Mr. Clean"??? It may sting a bit at first, but trust us... you'll feel shiny and new when it's all said and done!


Cocktail Name: "HELL'S HIGH"

Ingredients: "Heroin" & "Clorox Bleach" & "Alka-Seltzer"

How To Use: Take heroin needle and stick it directly into your belly button. Inject as much heroin as possible directly into your stomach. Now take the "Clorox Bleach" and swallow approximately 1 quart. (2 quarts for adults). Finally, swallow 20 "Alka-Seltzer" tablets. Yes, 20 sounds like a lot, but if you want to get the best possible "high", you need to take AT THE VERY LEAST, 20 tablets.

THE BUZZ: Having the "heroin" and "Clorox" in your stomach is already enough to get you pretty high, but the 20 Alka Seltzer tablets is what puts it over the edge. By swallowing this many tablets, you will soon explode and all of your "love" will be splattered all over everyone at the rave. Some people will be lucky enough to be splashed in the eyes with your heroin & Clorox, and then they will get to experience an all new high of their own! And all of this will be thanks to you! Peace and love man! Love is all about sharing the experience with your fellow ravers!


Cocktail Name: "THE HANDGUN HIGH"

Ingredients: "A Hand Gun" & "A Bullet" & "E (extasy)"

How To Use: Take a bullet and lace it with "E" (extasy). Load this bullet into your hand gun. Put the barrel of the gun DIRECTLY up to your forehead and pull the trigger.

THE BUZZ: You will experience a faster high than ever before. The speed at which the bullet travels increases the speed at which the "E" will enter your system. And it won't waste any time traveling through your bloodstream, this E is headed STRAIGHT FOR YOUR BRAIN! And boy oh boy... when that "E" enters your cranium, you won't know what hit ya! Enjoy!


Cocktail Name: "THE BIRTH BLAST"

Ingredients: "A Utility Knife" & "Barbed Wire" & "Glowstick Juice" &
                       "A Plastic Baby Doll"

How To Use: Fill the plastic baby doll up with the glowing-green glowstick juice. Have a friend sedate you with one of the aforementioned cocktails. While you're high as a kite, have your friend carve open a hole in your stomach. Tell your friend to place the "glowing raver baby" inside your stomach. Now tell your friend to sew your stomach back together with the barbed wire. Now you can practice giving birth to a new raver baby that's just as high and stupid as you are! Remember take deep breaths as you try to push it out.

THE BUZZ: You will get to experience what it's like to give birth to a "natural raver" (ie: a raver who has "glowstick juice" for blood), who could ask for anything more?


Cocktail Name: "THE BAG-0-RAMA"

Ingredients: "Vicks Vaporub" & "A Plastic Bag"

How To Use: Smear Vics Vaporub on the inside of a plastic bag. Wrap plastic bag around your head TIGHTLY. Take big, deep breaths. Inhale the Vicks as much as you can! No matter what, DON'T STOP!

THE BUZZ: You'll think you're not able to breathe, but ignore that, that's part of the high! With the plastic bag tightly around your head, the vapors from Vicks vaporub will not be able to go anywhere but into your system! Enjoy!


Cocktail Name: "THE DISCO INFERNO"

Ingredients: "Gasoline" & "Vaseline"

How To Use: This one is a real winner in the Pakistani rave scene, Iíve seen it personally! All you need is to get some Gasoline, some Vaseline, and mix it all together. Then rub it anywhere (or everywhere) on your body, and wait for the fun to begin!

THE BUZZ: Quite possibly best buzz youíll ever get! We guarantee you'll be doing moves on the dance floor that no one has seen on this side of Vietnam! Donít mind the slight burning sensation, itís only a sign that you are getting higher! Youíll be running around and screaming with delight! Itíll almost seem like you are on fire!


Any of these cocktails would kill you, or at the very least, make living very uncomfortable.
These cocktails are for humorous purposes only.
So in other words: if you actually do any of these drug cocktails, you are an idiot.

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