It's October 29th and you still don't have a Halloween costume yet! Your mom has been laying unconscious for the past 2 days in a huge puddle of her own vomit due to a heroin overdose, so she has been unable to take you to the store to buy a new costume. But you simply MUST get your costume today because tomorrow is "dress-up in your costume day" at school, and then the day after that is Halloween! Your costume last year was PATHETIC, so you really need to make up for it this year. Just look at yourself for crissakes:

Your Halloween Costume Last Year

You're already unpopular as it is, so to show up at school without a kickass costume this year will only get you mocked that much more. And you can't go "Trick or Treating" without a costume because you won't get candy and it's just not fun without a costume anyway.

(sidenote: To any of you fuckers that try to go "Trick or Treating" without a real costume because you think you're "too cool" to wear one... I've got a message for you: You are the lamest assholes on the PLANET. Die Scumbags Die.)

You would get your dad to bring you, but he works 24 hours a day and always seems to be "in a meeting with his secretary"... whatever that means. So you've got to revive your mom from her overdose somehow. It's the only chance you've got at getting a ride to the store to buy that new Halloween costume. If you can't wake her ass up, you might as well fill out one of those "Personals" ads that you see in the back of most newspapers. Why? Cuz you're gonna be one lonely son of a bitch this Halloween. The time to wake mom from her drug-induced slumber is now!

You decide to:

• Hold some smelling salt under mom's nose to revive her.
  
• Tell mom that the "putrid scrotum of death" will come down from the sky to kill her today if she doesn't take you to get your costume.
  
• Set mom's leg on fire in hopes that it will wake her up.