"Dude!" you say, as we
all knew you would sooner or later because you're an idiot, "Fine Young
Cannibals, no question at all."
"She drives me crazy!" howls the security guy, drawing the kind of
attention you'd expect when a fully-grown armed security professional
sings like a slim hipped Italian castrate.
"Solid" you agree slavishly. "And your remember that video? Was that
full of thinly veiled references to the works of Samuel Beckett or
what?!"
"Rock on! What else would you expect from a band that took it's name
from sixties cult classic "All The Fine Young Cannibals" starring
Hollywood IT couple Natalie and Robert Wagner!" He squeals.
"OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD," you moan like Saint Theresa experiencing
the ecstasy "Wasn't GEORGE HAMILTON in that movie?!?"
"You bet your well sculpted back seat he was! Say, do you think Robert
killed Natalie?"
"Oh, man" You yell, "Know what's hysterical, when you sing "She Drives
me Crazy" but you sing it "She Drives MISS DAISY! Like in the Oscar
winning Jessica Tandy tour de force?! Do you think she and Hoake… what?
Why do you think Roger killed-"
"Absolutely!" says still unnamed security guard guy. "Lord knows I would
have!"
"Hanh?"
"I mean, she was too beautiful to let live, right? A woman that
beautiful, we'll, you kind of have to kill her and make it look like a
boating accident, am I right? Or am I right?"
"Uhm… Getting a little uncomfortable now."
"Never mind that!" He bellows, slinging you over his shoulder into a
fireman's carry. "A cool guy like you shouldn't ever oughta miss his
flight!"
With that he trots off down the concourse at a brisk pace making fire
engine noises and yelling "MAKE WAY, NON TERRORIST COMING THROUGH!"
Amazingly you make it just in time to board your flight, and everything
is hunky dory until you realize you're seated in a middle seat, which is
bad enough. And your seatmates are John Lithgow and a very young,
sweaty, black and white William Shatner.
