You reach over to pull
down the window shade, and John Lithgow slaps your hand out of the way
and tells you about the benefits of sunlight. He also begins to reenact
his role of Roberta Muldoon in "The World According to Garp". It's
amusing enough to you for the first couple o' minutes, but after 2
hours, you're going bat shit. Plus Shatner won't stop putting his hand
on your thigh and winking at you. You don't dare to ask him why he's in
black & white, god knows what kind of multi-hour tale from hell that
could lead to.
Eventually, you come to
realize that there's only one sanctuary on this miserable flight...
THE BATHROOM! Yes indeed, the crapper, the lavatory, the john, ol'
stinky zone; it may not be heaven, but it's an escape from sitting
between those two creeps for another 5 hours! You get up out of your
seat and Shatner pinches you on the ass and winks at you on your way
down the aisle. God only knows what "mile high club" fantasies are going
through that sick bastard's mind.
You enter the lavatory
and the door locks instantly. You find this a bit odd, but quickly
dismiss it as you've got your ear pressed against it to make sure
Shatner isn't standing outside the door. Much to your surprise, you're
blasted with some twisted carnival music... but it's not coming from
outside the bathroom, it's coming from inside! You turn around and
you're face to face with...
FJORNOK - THE WIZARD MASTER!
You let out a loud gulp
like they do in those old cartoons where you see the lump of air travel
down their esophagus. It actually almost makes you vomit, but you
swallow it back down because Fjornok has begun to speak!
"GREETINGS PEASANT! YOU ARE IN THE PRESENCE OF FJORNOK - THE WIZARD
MASTER! I HAVE COME TODAY TO SHOW YOU YOUR FUTURE! YOU WILL GIVE ME A
QUARTER AND I WILL SHOW YOU YOUR FUTURE NOW!"
You start to argue with
him, but he threatens to destroy you, and by the looks of things, he
means it. So rather than risk your life, or worse, having to go back
outside and sit next to the two creeps... you give Fjornok a quarter.
The carnival music stops and everything goes dark and quiet. "Hello?"
you say nervously. All of a sudden Fjornok bursts into a wild frenzy
while chanting all sorts of bizarre words in a foreign tongue!
You're absolutely
terrified as he continues to chant and convulse like a rabid animal, and
just when you're 100% sure he's gonna kill you, Fjornok spits out 4
cards that all land face down on the ground. And once again, the "Wizard
Master" himself speaks:
"CHOOSE YOUR CARD! WHICHEVER ONE YOU CHOOSE WILL BE YOUR FUTURE!"
