Please don't feed PickleMan
Please don't feed PickleMan
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Look at you. You're absolutely worthless. All you ever do is complain about how life is so unfair to you. How you were never given a chance to enjoy it. How "the man" has been "holding you back" from "success" because you didn't go to "school" or learn how to "eat with utensils". Well my oppressed little simpleton, your luck is about to change.

You head on over to your favorite local truck stop to pick up some pork rinds, beef jerky, and the owner's special drink that he calls "mustard juice". It's basically mustard, sugar and water, but damned if you don't love the stuff. You quickly finish off your 3-course meal and an overwhelming sense of nausea overcomes you. You dash outside to use the public restroom. Sure, it ain't pretty, but in times like these, you can't afford to be picky. There's only one stall and the door is shut, but you can't hear anybody inside it, so you kick the door open and what do you find?


Yes indeed, it's Pat Sajak from "Wheel of Fortune" pleasuring himself to a photograph of RuPaul. You just happen to have a camera on-hand, and you quickly take a snapshot while trying not to laugh. Pat stands up and begs you to give him the photo because it could ruin his career. You agree, but on one condition... he let's you be a contestant on Wheel of Fortune! A brighter person would've just asked him for a cool million or so... but you, in all of your brilliance, want to be a guest on a TV gameshow. Way to set your goals high there, sport.

Anyway, Pat agrees and a few days later, you're a contestant on the Wheel of Fortune!


You spend far too much time staring at what you call "THE PRETTY LADY!" than paying attention to the actual game, fortunately for you, the other people in the game don't speak a word of English. Pat has basically set up this game so you can't possibly lose as long as you get just one thing right. He's obviously trying to make sure you win so that you don't get mad and tell people about that little stint in the truck stop restroom. Being an overconfident jackass that you are, you feel that there's no sense in trying to guess single letters... you're gonna guess the whole damned phrase without any clues at all!

You decide to guess:

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