Of course! The solution
was staring you in your tiny little face all along! The jug of Miracle
Grow that you dipped your penis and your breasts in between your third
and seventh sex change operations, respectively! Of course, it didn't
work out so well for those parts in the end, but that's nothing a lot of
lotion and a little sandpaper couldn't cure. But despite the horrible,
mutilating risks involved, it still might just be your best bet at
getting back to normal size!
The problem now
involves getting into the jug of Miracle Grow, because you're so
small that you'd have to climb up into the jug, and it's too smooth on
the sides to climb without gear, and let's face it, there's no climbing
gear in your size. You look around the room, sizing up the situation and
piecing together a plan of attack.
Let's see, you could:
Swing
from that plant vine and into the jug.
Use a ruler as a
diving board and launch yourself into the jug.
Pole vault with a
pencil into the jug.
Construct your own
climbing gear out of paper clips, staples and twine.
BUT HOLY SHIT JUST
AS YOU'RE GETTING READY TO MAKE YOUR CHOICE A HUGE GUST OF WIND COMES
INTO THE ROOM, LIFTING YOU RIGHT UP INTO THE AIR AND DIRECTLY INTO THE
JUG OF MIRACLE GROW, COMPLETELY ROBBING YOU OF YOUR DECISION! WHAT ARE
THE ODDS OF THAT?????
You shatter the jug into a million tiny pieces as you quickly grow back
to normal size, stretching your clothes but somehow not utterly
destroying them, much like the Incredible Hulk manages to do every time
he changes, only this is easily ten times more ridiculous.
Now that you're large again (I'm sorry, 'metabolically challenged'),
it's time to get down to brass tacks and analyze that blood! You put it
under the microscope because that makes a lot more sense than putting a
damned sugar cube in it. And oh my god! It's worse than you thought!
The aliens have little
Pac-Men in their blood! You're not exactly sure what this means, but
you're pretty sure it's bad. It must mean that they're an evil,
destructive race, bent on devouring everything in their path! But you
can't be sure until you've actually had somebody who hasn't failed every
science class they've ever taken look at it! As luck would have it,
there are exactly four renowned men of science who live nearby!
You decide to take the blood sample and your findings to:
