Please don't feed PickleMan
Please don't feed PickleMan
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It's a quiet evening in the town of Walla Walla, Washington. The crickets are chirping, the fireflies are making their butts glow with a sexual ferocity you'll never understand, and the alien mothership just landed in that big field over there. Everything is as tranquil as you could possibly want it to be and... wait... WHAT!? AN ALIEN MOTHERSHIP!?


Holy bittersweet jehova! Aliens have landed on planet earth, and by the looks of that bloodcurdling mothership, they have NOT come in peace! After all, when was the last time you saw something that looked like a red devil with a mouth full of fire that didn't want to kill everything in sight? Yeah yeah, "my mother in law"... we're all laughing very hard. Well, while you're being a comedian, these dastardly aliens are planning to overthrow the planet, so what say you save the jokes for the next open mic night in your parents' basement and go warn everybody in town about the alien invasion!

You run to the center of the town and start to hammer on that fat-assed big town bell. Why does every town have a big bell, anyway? I guess it's for times like these so you can get everybody's attention and let them know they're all about to die.

The bell didn't go to hell though. It's currently vacationing in purgatory.

All of the townsfolk come to see what all the ruckus is about, including everybody's favorite guy, Mayor Monocle. He's actually a shitty mayor, but everybody likes him because he really looks like that guy from the Monopoly board games, what with his top hat and monocle.

"What is the meaning of this ringing of our bell!? Have you no honor, sir? Have you gone mad!?" shouts Mayor Monocle in between bites of a giant rack of lamb that he was carrying in his coat pocket.

You try to explain to him that an ominous alien craft has just landed in town and you believe they are here to kill everyone.

"Say, aren't you that guy who used to live in Roswell, New Mexico, who had that failed store 'Alien Crap' and everybody laughed at all of your extra-terrestrial cover-up conspiracy theories?" asks one of the annoyed townsfolk.

"What say you, sir? WHAT... SAY... YOU!" the mayor yammers in an overly pompous tone.

It is true that you did live in Roswell and you did run a UFO conspiracy theory gift shop and research center. And it is true that even the people in Roswell thought you were a few solar systems shy of a galaxy. But damnit, this IS the real thing! We ARE being invaded! You had better convince them quickly before it's too late!

You decide to:

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