Features

Freddy's 10 Best Kills!
by: -RoG-

As many of you already know, I'm a huge Nightmare on Elm Street fan. For those of you who didn't read my piece about the "Freddy's Nightmares Pilot Episode" along with the sequel "Sister's Keeper", you should definitely check them out if you're not familiar with the TV series or Freddy's background. For as long as I can remember people were always talking about a movie where Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees would battle to the death. Well, the years passed and there was no sign of it, so most fans were beginning to lose hope. Amazingly enough, 20 long years since the killings began, the "Nightmare on Elm Street" and "Friday the 13th" films will finally come together in "Freddy vs. Jason" on August 15th, 2003. And after watching the trailer for it, I have to say it looks really promising. This is way bigger than Godzilla vs. Kong, Alien vs. Predator, or even Oprah vs. a box of Krispy Kreme donuts. To me, this is by far the most important big-name showdown in entertainment history.

That being said, I'd like to pay my respects to Freddy Krueger, my all-time favorite of the big horror movie maniacs. Nobody kills with the style and humor like he does, so let's take a look at what are, in my opinion, his 10 best kills.

Kill #10: Wanna Suck Face?
(from "A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master")

Where's your inhaler?

Poor Sheila. Don't you know that all work and no play makes you... dead? This little asthmatic bookworm is hard at work on a test when Freddy steps in and decides to give her a pop quiz on swapping spit. He grabs her face and starts sucking away like a mad vacuum, and as you can see there's not much left of her when once he's finished. Insert your typical Freddy quip, "You flunk", and Sheila wakes up with a killer asthma attack.

Kill #9: Don't Sit Too Close To The TV!
(from "A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors")

Yep, I think I see the problem with the T.V. now.

This gal had big dreams of becoming an actress... unfortunately for her, she also had dreams about Freddy. She tries to stay awake by burning herself with cigarettes, but a talk show interview with Zsa Zsa Gabor proves to be too much for her to tolerate. She dozes off and that's all Freddy needs. He makes the T.V. go out and she walks up to see what's wrong. Freddy's inside it, that's what's wrong you idiot! He pops out of the T.V. and picks her up, cackles "Welcome to Prime Time, bitch!", and proceeds to ram her face first into the T.V. Then Laurence Fishburne walks into the room to find her corpse hanging from the set. I guess the oracle didn't warn you about that one, eh Morpheus?

Kill #8: More Powerful Than A Loco-Madman!
(from "A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child")

I hope he recycles the paper. :(

Here's a good one, it's easily among of the more creative and humorous Freddy kills. Mark is your stereotypical skater/punk with a love for comic books. At one point he's going through his comics and notices a new "Nightmare" comic that he hadn't seen in his collection before. He opens it up and gets sucked inside where Freddy teases Mark by showing him old girlfriend Greta (who was recently killed by Freddy too). This makes Mark furious and he uses his "dream powers" to become his own creation - an angry, gun-toting comic book hero. He blasts away at Freddy as paper confetti (instead of blood) flies everywhere from his wounds. I guess two can play that game, because Freddy pops back up and has transformed into SUPER FREDDY! "Faster than a bastard-maniac, more powerful than a loco-madman, it's Super Freddy!" You gotta love his way with words. He then slices Mark apart and the color ink drains from his lifeless body.

Kill #7: Go Johnny, Go Go Go!
(from "A Nightmare on Elm Street")

This one is for 21 Jump Street! WAAAY TOO MUCH BLOOD! :)

My, my, my... our Johnny Depp sure has come a long way since he first started out in the business eh? Well, we still remember Teen Magazine and 21 Jump Street, Johnny, so it's time for your punishment. He's sitting on his bed with his headphones on while watching T.V. You'd think that'd be enough entertainment to keep him awake, but he still manages to doze off. Freddy then bursts through the mattress and pulls Johnny down into it. A few seconds pass and then a ridiculous amount of blood spews out from the hole in the bed. And when I say ridiculous, I mean ridiculous. There's just no way that Johnny's little body contains that much blood. Way over the top and a great way to start off the series. The amount of blood that comes out of that bed almost rivals the blood in Dead Alive. I guess that's why I love this scene so much.

Kill #6: Joey, Did You Wet The Bed Again?
(from "A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master")

Hope you have a snorkel, kid!

Joey is probably the horniest character in the entire elm street series. In part 3 he almost got killed after he fell for Freddy who was posing as a seductive nurse. This time, he falls asleep only to find that the bikini girl from the poster on his wall is now swimming inside his water bed. Minus the bikini... naturally. Joey gets all excited, but she quickly swims away and Freddy pops up instead. "How's this for a wet dream??" he laughs as he drags Joey underwater and cuts him up. In the morning when his mom comes in to wake him up, she finds that her son drowned inside the water bed. So the lesson here: Don't be a sleepy perv or Freddy will find a way to kill you... or at least ruin your waterbed.

Kill #5: Let's Get High!
(from "A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors")

Awww, he loves her and wants to share his happy drugs!

According to Taryn, a former junkie, she's "Beautiful... and BAD!" in her dreams. She puts up a noble effort against Freddy with her switchblades. She even stabs him in the ARMPIT at one point. I dunno, maybe that's a vital point that I wasn't told about, but if Freddy was coming after me, I'd start stabbing him in the eyes or in the crotch. For some reason, I think those two spots would do a little more damage than the armpits. Freddy decides to try a different approach to his attack.

ARM MOUTHS - LIVE IN CONCERT!
"DOO BEE DOO BEE DOO..."

The old tracks in her arms form little mouths and you can just tell they're craving the sweet nectar that only Freddy's drugs can provide. So he fills her up with the drugs and she's kaput. Man, I wish I had a little mouth on my arm. I would talk to it all day. :(

Update: I just received an interesting email from a reader named Nathan...

"I have been a fan of your site for a long time, and I have to say that it is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. But I thought I might send you a bit of information about your puzzlement as regards Taryn's strategy against Freddy in your latest article. Actually, right in the armpit is an ideal place to put a knife, as it is one of the few places that affords a way to the lungs and the heart that isn't protected by the rib cage. Just thought id let you know, you seem like the kinda guy that would appreciate information about fatal knife wounds."

Indeed I do appreciate that information, Nathan. But in all honesty, I still say stabbing Freddy in the crotch would get the job done nicely too. The crotch is one of the other few places that affords a way to the heart. I mean, if I was stabbed in the crotch, I know I'd have a fucking heart attack.

Kill #4: D&D Dorks Can't Even Fight In Their Dreams!
(from "A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors")

I'LL BE BACK AFTER I FIND THE NEAREST MANA POOL!

Our nerdy friend here has been confined to a wheelchair for quite a while, but in his dreams he can walk. That is, until Freddy slices up his legs. But the lil' nerfherder has some fight left in him yet... he gets "angry" (if you could call it that) and turns into "THE WIZARD MASTER!" He zaps Freddy with some green tree elf lightning or something stupid like that. Freddy then picks him up without any effort whatsoever and says, "I don't believe in fairy tales, kid." and proceeds to stab dorkboy in the heart with his patented glove. Freddy cheated though, he didn't roll his 27-and-a-half-sided dice. It wasn't his turn to attack! Somebody report him to the game master quick!

Kill #3: Vacancy In The Roach Motel!
(from "A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master")

YOU CAN CHECK IN, BUT YOU CAN'T CHECK OUT!

Debbie sure is in good shape. She works out all the time... pumping iron, the works. But is she buff enough to handle Freddy? Nope. He pushes down on the weights while she's doing a bench press, eventually snapping both of her arms at the elbows. "No pain, no gain!" he chuckles. As if that wasn't insult enough to her physique, she runs down the corridor only to land face first in a bunch of slimy goop. Her face soon falls off and she has now been transformed into a friggin' cockroach! Freddy looks in on Debbie and then crushes the roach motel which she was trapped in. Well, if he ever wants to give up his work in the killer maniac business, he'd probably do pretty well working for Orkin.

Kill #2: Now He's Playing With Power!
(from "A Nightmare on Elm Street 6: Freddy's Dead")

Man, he can do a lot of stomach crunches!
GREAT GRAPHICS!

Suddenly, my NES Power Glove doesn't look as cool. :(

Spencer, played by Breckin Meyer, enjoys drugs and doing whatever he can to not be like his overbearing father. Freddy invites Spencer to "take a trip" while he's high, and he gets sucked right into the television. Now he's in a video game (with great graphics!) fighting against both his father and Freddy. His dad beats him up with a tennis racquet for a while but Spencer finds a power-up in a nearby tree and does away with him. So, Freddy busts out his very own custom POWER GLOVE and really starts laying into Spencer. In the end, Freddy kills off Spencer and even beats his personal high score. Not to be cocky, but I still think I could kick Freddy's ass in Pac Man.

Kill #1: Rick, You Little Meatball!
(from "A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master")

I said HOLD the human-head-meatballs damnit!
Hungry anybody?

MMMM! SOUL FOOD!

Freddy meets up with Alice in her restaurant and informs her that, "if the food don't kill ya, the service will!" Freddy ordered what I'm sure Pizza Hut will soon be picking up on... a pizza with human-head-meatballs! Gotta love it when Fred digs his claw into Rick and eats him. It's funny, it's nasty, it's everything that an Elm Street movie should be.

So there you have it... what I consider to be Freddy Krueger's 10 best kills. It's gonna be great watching him face off against Jason, another maniac with an impressive hit list. I just hope that Jason remembers one thing before he goes up against ol' Freddy...

BUT WHO THAT POSSE IS, WE MAY NEVER KNOW! :o

the end.

***BONUS PAGE!***
CLICK HERE TO SEE LOADS OF CRAZY
NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
FREDDY MERCHANDISE FROM YESTERYEAR!


Have any questions or comments about this piece?
Email -RoG-

 

If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:

Jason Voorhees' 10 Best Kills!
Jason Voorhees' 10 Best Kills!

and

Michael Myers' 10 Best Kills!
Michael Myers' 10 Best Kills!

Reader Comments

Pickled Patriarch
Oct 23rd, 2009, 05:52 PM
Since I've had a lot of requests for follow-up articles, I'm currently working on another "Best Kills" list for another horror icon. In the meantime, I went ahead and updated my old article about Freddy Krueger's 10 Best Kills and put it into the new site template so you guys can finally talk about it on here! One, Two... Freddy's coming for you...
Dead Fuck
Oct 23rd, 2009, 06:10 PM
I would love to see your 10 favorite kills of Chucky.
With More Yes Than Ever
Oct 23rd, 2009, 08:24 PM
This is awesome! My fav is definitely the roach motel one, it still makes me squirm.
Forum Virgin
Oct 23rd, 2009, 08:41 PM
(@ Ex Leper) Chucky would be awesome.
aint nobody
Oct 23rd, 2009, 09:17 PM
10 best kills in a Cronenberg movie would be nice
Forum Virgin
Oct 24th, 2009, 03:41 PM
I'm going to have to dig up the pictures of my Freddy costume from when I was like, 12. If my memory's not TOO bad, it looked pretty good.
Drunk Yamo
Oct 24th, 2009, 06:11 PM
I would just take the part out about the "upcoming" Freddy vs. Jason, and consider it updated.
Drunk Yamo
Oct 24th, 2009, 06:12 PM
Top ten Leprechaun kills!!!
sadomasochist
Oct 24th, 2009, 06:23 PM
one of chucky's ten best kills should be from the third one where he pops out and gives the guy a heartattack
Pickled Patriarch
Oct 24th, 2009, 07:12 PM
I appreciate the enthusiasm guys, but try to keep the comments in this article on topic about Freddy's kills rather than requests for a list about Chucky heheh. You can always email me with your requests for other pieces to do. Fact is, I already decided a long time ago what horror icon I was going to cover next for a "10 best kills" list, and you'll find out who it is early next week. So for now, let's hear about your favorite Freddy kills and what made them so memorable for you!

Toast Points, if you find those pictures, please do post them in this thread as I'd love to see 'em! Here's a photo as me when I dressed as Freddy for Halloween back in 2007:

pickled
Oct 24th, 2009, 10:09 PM
Three, Four, better lock your door.....
Forum Virgin
Oct 25th, 2009, 01:27 AM
Personally one of my favorite Freddy kills is the Puppet kill from part 3. Also can't go wrong with Tina's iconic floating kill in part 1 either. Anyway... I was wondering if there was any good looking prosthesis that could convey a Freddy appearance cause I am interested in doing it, but would also like the use of my mouth to taught the nose breathers I run into.
Sloth, PhD
Oct 25th, 2009, 02:15 AM
I have to say, the Depp kill has always been my favorite. Just so over-the-top.
Drunk Yamo
Oct 25th, 2009, 02:57 AM
Sorry, didn't mean to be out of line. My favorite Freddy kill - Tina. The first kill. Who ever would have thought they would see something like that? I mean, it wasn't just a cutaway and suddenly she's on the ceiling. You saw her lifted from the bed, to the ceiling, spun around and sliced the hell open.

Runner up - Nancy. He used John Saxon against her. Nobody can resist the Saxon.
An Arizona Horror Company
Oct 25th, 2009, 09:28 PM
The Wizard Master's death was great. Kinda feels like a deleted scene from The 40 Year Old Virgin, but it's a great up-yours to what was probably a good chunk of the film's core audience.
I am Johnny Luchador
Oct 26th, 2009, 06:54 PM
I agree with DrewP, the puppet kill was the only one that ever really made my skin crawl, just the thought of being dangled by your tendo....okay I gotta stop still messes with my head.
Forum Virgin
Nov 1st, 2009, 03:08 AM
Am I the only one that noticed the #1 kill was not a kill. Rick was already dead at that point. Dont get me wrong I love that scene but it wasnt really a kill.
Forum Virgin
Oct 26th, 2010, 03:11 PM
I got to agree, Freddy is the best, I know because I was also a big fanatic of him when I was a kid even when my mom forbade me to watch the movies. Still seeing him on Mtv, on merchandise and commercials I knew he was a bad ass. I did catch the first on black and white TV in my room, it was the one with UHF dial and antennaes. The movie was of course cut down but I had to see more, me and my cousin snuck into the theater to see Dream Warriors and I became a freak for Freddy. I just watched all parts 1 to 6 straight through only to eat, drink and piss, I feel like my eyes are going to fall out of my damn head! Going to watch "New Nightmare" and "Freddy Vs. Jason" also. Still my favorite kill is #6, that is the most awesome, cool, kill scene in any horror movie. A hot naked blonde chick trapped in a sea through water bed beckoning and then Freddy cock blocks by turning him into shredded beef. Cool!

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