by: -RoG-

...CONTINUED

Zombie Blood Energy Potion

This was sent to me by another nice I-Mockery reader, and I was more than happy to chug down some green Zombie Blood. I don't think this stuff is available in stores, as I haven't seen it anywhere, but she purchased it from ThinkGeek. So the packaging is clearly good - green liquid in a shiny IV drip bag, complete with a biohazard warning. You can drink the potion chilled in a glass or straight from the pouch. Since all candies (liquid or otherwise) tend to come at room temperature, I opted to drink straight from the drip bag and prepare my taste buds for reanimation.

So you see the face that the zombie on the back of the package is making? That's a incredibly precise recreation of the exact same face I made. Good god, this may be the worst thing I've tasted in years. YEARS! To the person who sent it - it was a nice thought, but I feel like my taste buds would have been better served if I scraped my tongue along an city sewer grate. Avoid this bag as if it was an actual zombie out to destroy your face, for "the sweet nectar of the undead" is the last way I would choose to describe it. Stick with the cherry candy blood bags from last year if you need to get your drip bag fix.

out of 5 leaf piles

Strawberry Vampire's Blood Spray Candy

Back to a delicious form of liquid candy, I'm happy to report that Vampire's Blood Spray Candy has returned once again! This was easily one of my favorite treats last year, and it still looks fantastic when lit up. You really can't go wrong with the stuff, so find some tubes of the stuff and stock up on 'em, for you never know if they'll return again next year. I sure hope they do, but in case they don't, I'm going to fill a casket with them and bury it under my house for safe keeping.

out of 5 Audrey II plants

Monster Poppers Popping Candy

Haven't seen these since 2009, but I'm glad to see they're back for the 2011 Halloween season, because the packaging is still fantastic and you can't go wrong with monster-themed Pop Rocks. I still say they need to make 'em into a line of Madballs toys. I mean, they're already copying Pop Rocks, why not copy Madballs as well, right?

out of 5 Mad Scientists

Candy Stick And Gummy Snake

A bit generic, and you literally have to take a pair of scissors to the thing in order to open it. It's annoying enough when electronics are sealed in packaging like that, so there's no excuse for a cheap candy stick to be sealed up so much. That said, the gummy snake looks nice as it has wrapped itself around the candy stick. It appears to be a rattler too. Not exactly the tastiest gummy treat, considering the effort one has to put in just to get to it, and the candy stick has virtually no flavor either. Overall, it's a bland treat that requires way too much effort to open up. Not worth it.

out of 5 Jaws

Russell Stover Caramel Pumpkin

Yes. It's a milk chocolate pumpkin filled with caramel. How can you go wrong with that? You can't. It tastes delicious... simple as that. I will say that Russell Stover continues to bother me with their lack of effort in the realm of aesthetics. Sure, the packaging is nice, but I've yet to see them put a face or any kind of real design into their actual Halloween chocolates. Come on guys, you're a big chocolate company... I'm sure you can pull off a new mold for the Halloween treats. It's not gonna break your bank.

out of 5 tombstones

Monster Pooper

Much like the Tricky Kitty from last year, we have another Halloween toy that poops out candies in the form of this all new Monster Pooper. Unfortunately, I'll never get to see our little monster pal because they forgot to include the candy! Yep, the candy ingredients are listed on the back of the package, but there is no candy to be found anywhere inside the monster or anywhere else in the package. I checked the other ones at the grocery store where I bought it, and it was the same case with every one. Talk about a royal screw up.

On the plus side, it's still a cool little window up monster toy, and it came with a little tray that had the best sticker on it:

I was gonna give the Monster Pooper just one reaper, but the sticker makes me bump it up to two. I'm sure you understand.

out of 5 Grim Reapers

Russell Stover Caramelo

Oh come on! A Dia de los Muertos candy named Caramelo? He's got a sombrero and everything! How can they not make the chocolate look like that guy. I would take a bullet for a guy named Caramelo, but I wouldn't take a bullet for a piece of chocolate that barely resembles the human form. Damnit, Russell Stover! Bring Caramelo to life and put some details into his body! Oh well... at least he's just as delicious as their caramel pumpkin.

out of 5 hungry piranhas

It's Alive! "I Scream Sundae"

Another entry in the "It's Alive!" Halloween candies is this "I Scream Sundae". Sorry, but I find it to be the weakest effort of the bunch. Sure, the bananas look nice 'n all, but there's barely any element of horror here. Just one tiny finger on top of it? That's it? They could've easily made the ice cream scoops look like eyeballs or made the bananas look like bones. To top it off, you don't get the cherry ketchup packet that the other varieties come with, which is the only thing that makes any of them taste decent. No thanks.

out of 5 Wolfman Jacks

Skittles Twist 'N Pour Pumpkin & Ghost

I first had these Twist 'n Pour candies way back in 2006, when they were filled with Chiclet-sized pieces of Hubba Bubba bubble gum. I have no problem with them switching over to Skittles, which are always tasty, but the quality of the containers has gone down a bit. Sure, they look identical to the ones from 2006, but they don't twist well at all, because the grooves in the plastic don't seem to match up. The pumpkin one in particular was really bad, because it wouldn't twist open and a bunch of the Skittles ending up spilling on the floor when I had to force it open. They still look great, Skittles are good, and if you can get them to open properly, it looks like they're puking out candies... but the containers are definitely in need of some serious quality assurance testing this season.

out of 5 zombies

Blue Bewwy Monster Goo

Apparently, somebody took at look at Go-Gurt and thought, "Say, those should be turned into Halloween candies instead!" Well, I'm all about Blueberry flavored candies (or "Blue Bewwy" as they call it), so I was excited to try them, but I should've looked closer at the package, for it reads SUGAR FREE! I'm sorry, but that's definitely one thing you do not want to see in a Halloween candy. Sure enough, it tastes like sour chemical awfulness, and I can't recommend this Monster Goo to anybody.

out of 5 vampire bats

Freak Street Marshmallow Heart

Another one! Just like the giant marshmallow skull from last year, there's now a giant marshmallow heart to go along with it! Once again, notice the quarter I included in the photo to see the actual scale of this marshmallowy monstrosity. Weighing in at a whopping one pound, this bright red heart with blue arteries contains enough sugar-coated marshmallowy goodness to destroy your actual heart in just one sitting. I sincerely hope that we see new giant marshmallow body parts every year until we can eventually reconstruct a life-sized human being made entirely of marshmallows. Why? Because, it's nice to have things to look forward to, that's why.

out of 5 sheet ghosts

It's Alive! "Creepy Crawly Sandwich"

The final entry this year comes in the form of a Creepy Crawly Sandwich from the "It's Alive!" product line, and this one is probably my favorite of them all. First off, it comes in a resealable plastic container, just like any sandwich you'd buy at a convenience store, but it also looks convincingly like a real sandwich. I almost want to take it to my local 7-Eleven and put it with their sandwiches to see if it freaks anybody out. Sure, it has pickles, tomato slices, and a spider on it that are clearly visible, but the best part is the little surprise you get when you remove the sandwich from the package.

GRUBS! Tiny little grubs are peeking out from every corner of the sandwich! I can honestly think of no finer way to wrap up this year's Halloween candy collection that with a sandwich that has baby grubs staring out at you.

out of 5 jack-o-lanterns

So that does it for my Ultimate Guide to the Halloween Candies of 2011. As you can see, there's plenty of new stuff on the shelves this season, and we still have plenty of classic favorites as well. Overall, a solid improvement over the candies from 2010 if you ask me. The only thing I really missed was the Juicy Oozers Gummy Skulls (I did eventually find some my local dollar store, but they were leftovers from last season and had sadly long since expired). As always, I must remind you that many of the candies I reviewed last year and other previous years are back in stores again for this season, so be sure to keep an eye out for them as well. If you happen to spot any candies that I haven't covered yet, drop me a line and let me know so I can try to track 'em down before Halloween rolls around next year. Now if you'll excuse me, with all this sugar in my body, I feel the need to run outside and see if it gives me the power to lift a car over my head or not. Of course, that's assuming my heart doesn't explode before I make it out the door.

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