RECENT
EMAILS WE'VE RECEIVED:
Name:........... illumind
E-Mail:.......... illumind@aol.com
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Question:
My my you are so filled with hate! My question is, do you work for a living are
you sponging off somebody who does believe in God? I ask because you have so
much time on your hands, just look at all the creative effort you put into this
website!
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
Oh yes, we're so filled with hate. Big bursts of glittery hatred zipping through our bodies with glee. You sure hit the nail on the head there! Heck, we don't drink holy water, we drink cups of steaming hot hatred! Sometimes we throw marshmallows in our cup-o-hate just for kicks! Would you like some?
And yes, we have jobs. Sure they're not quite the "money-making schemes" that your average church has goin for itself... but they're jobs nonetheless.
-COM
Name:........... The truth
E-Mail:.......... aufckauthority@aol.com
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Question:
Its funny how much shit you talk, but have nothing to prove or even support your claim.
This just proves how far your head is up your ass.If you want to make all these
stupid claims, you sould try going to church, so at least you might gain some
knowledge of what you are saying. You state we need to give money to jesus for
him to love us, yet you ask for "only 151.00"
You are a hypocrite, get your facts straight, the only brain washed people are you
and the readers of this shit. Have fun burning in hell.
P.S. Tell you mom thanks
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
Dear Chump,
Oh, so you have PROOF of jesus or whatever god you worship? By all means show us, we'd love to see him. And no, photos of him in the Weekly World News or the National Inquirer don't count.
As for us accepting donations for our message board, there's a big difference between that and asking for moola in the name of "the almighty lord". Why? Because the people who use the board on a regular basis GET
SOMETHING BACK. By donating to the board, the I-Mockers now don't have to deal with the CENSORSHIP that conservative pissants like yourself try in enforce. See, the people who donated to keep our message forums ad-free and censorship-free were donating to something that is REAL. Something that does exist. But have fun donating to your local church in the name of god... and while you're at it, send some donations to the tooth fairy and the great pumpkin.
For someone who has "fuck authority" in their email address, you sure seem to be quite the little servant. Fuck authority my ass. Talk about hypocrisy... sucker.
-COM
Name:........... Angeteen
E-Mail:.......... Angeteen@hotmail.com
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Question:
Been reading all the stuff you've been saying about God and to tell you the
truth I have mixed feelings. On one side, it is kind of funny of what you've
been saying but on the other, it makes me kind of sad to hear how little faith
you have in him. So think of me what you will, I'm just saying what I believe
in, like it or diss it.
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
There is nothing wrong with thinking that at all. As we state on the front page of this site, there is nothing wrong with having beliefs. What we are against is people forcing their beliefs on others and telling people they're "going to hell". We're against people who commit atrocities, then say it's "ok" because it was done in the name of "god". You wrote us in a very civilized matter and you at least have an open enough mind to show tolerance for people who have beliefs other than your own, and you can even laugh at your own beliefs by finding humor in our site. So we have nothing against you. You are a great representation of what a religious person SHOULD be. Unfortunately, that's all-too-often not the case with many religious people that we encounter.
-COM
Name:........... Dink
E-Mail:.......... pogotheclown6669@cs.com
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Question:
If you are married and have sex with a dog is it considered adultery or bestiality?
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
It isn't considered. Get the hell away from us you freak.
-COM
Name:........... Seamus Armeanic
E-Mail:.......... Armeanic@darksites.com
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Question:
I was wondering, in The Church of Mockery, what would be the best thing to do
with your life?
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
What's the best thing to do with your life? Unlike other religions that would gladly tell you HOW THEY THINK YOU SHOULD LIVE YOUR LIFE, we will tell you no such things. Live your life however you see fit. Live it well.
-COM
Name:........... Ola Johnsgaard
E-Mail:.......... jonsgar@online.no
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Question:
Hi! I hope you could be so kind as to not publish my quiz-answers, even if you liked
it, since I in a hurry posted my main mail adress. I've got no problems with
joking about things, but I don't want my mailbox bombed by religious fanatics,
whether they are of the White House or Afghanistan kind. Regards,
Ola
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
Sure, no problemo! Oh shit, we just posted your info! Damn! It was an accident! Honest!
-COM
Name:........... ldyellayni
E-Mail:.......... ldyellayni@aol.com
Question:
Okay, so people are also technically made out of meat, right? So...does that
mean that I can safely advertise my canibalistic urges? Or sacrifice people to
animals? Since humans are generally considered a higher form of life, a human
sacrifice would be even better, right? RIGHT???
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
Actually, it depends on WHO you eat. Not all human beings can be considered a "higher form of life" as you put it. Pat Robertson, for example, is definitely lower than a tree larvae on the evolutionary scale... so you'd be better off sacrificing an animal. Then again, getting rid of scum like Robertson could score you some big points...
-COM
Name:........... Mr. RM
E-Mail:.......... mr_r_m@hotmail.com
Question:
Will there be a mockery bible thats printer friendly put out any time soon
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
This entire site is our "bible". But we don't makes friends with printers, we make friends with human beings. But if printers are what you're into, enjoy... you sick bastard.
-COM
Name:........... Arny Kittenstomper
E-Mail:.......... hipskippler@hotmail.com
Question:
i dressed up my baby like jesus for halloween. do all babies blink when tapped
on the head with a hammer or just the ones dressed like jesus?
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
Tapped? No, tapping won't do a damned thing. You gotta pound the hell out of them with that hammer if you want them to blink.
-COM
Name:........... kelly
E-Mail:.......... xmaynardsdickx@cs.com
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Question:
If god is "infalible", and he created the angels to serve his holy word, that
whole lucifer the angel idea kinda backfired , wouldnt you say?
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
It didn't backfire as badly as when god gave someone at Pepsi Co. the idea to create a tasty new Pepsi drink called "Crystal Pepsi". Man oh man, did god ever regret that one...
-COM
Name:........... Ian
E-Mail:.......... ianandes@hotmail.com
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Question:
Why has god forsaken us true believers and punished us by allowing the thing
known as . . *shiver* . "POP" . . . to be sung? Does he hate us this much?
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
Actually, it's the "believers" that often produce the horrible pop music. So blame yourselves. It's us "evil non believers" (as they like to label us) that hate that crappy pop shite.
-COM
Name:........... Josh
E-Mail:.......... josh@netheads.com
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Question:
On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the most), how much hair will eating brussel
sprouts put on my chest?
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
Now wait, I'm confused. Did you mean Hair on your chest or Cancerous Growths?
-COM
Name:........... Jillian
E-Mail:.......... tyrantoftheweak@planetnamek.org
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Question:
What exactly is faith? and can i buy it somewhere?
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
Sure you can! In fact, we'll sell you all the faith that we have, dirt
cheap! Afterall, we have no use for it anyway...
-COM
Name:........... jesus
E-Mail:.......... jesus@aol.com
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Question:
why do people hate me? im a nice old man
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
Who let you out of your cell!? Get back in there slave!
-COM
Name:........... Mike the Stoner
E-Mail:.......... michael2342@hotmail.com
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Question:
is masturbation healthy for you? cuz i find that when i smoke alot of pot then
beat it like 10 times in a row it starts to get raw and red and shit, not to
mention stinky, what should i do?
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
To quote one of our favorite stickers: "Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten."
-COM
Name:........... Johny
E-Mail:.......... afg@rocketmail.com
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Question:
I have a question for the leader of your religion:
If you are suposed to be the ones that don't want to force people to believe
something, why are you trying so hard to demonstrate that Church sucks? Why
those personal attacks, trying to show that Priests are baby rapists and that
Jesus is a fag?
The good think is that YOU are the OPEN-MIND people who ACCEPTS other people's
beliefs, and that you don't need to insult people with adjetives such as "ape"
to make them believe what you believe.
Ok, in terms that you may undestand, you are saying that if I'm Christian I'm an
"ape"; therefore if I don't believe what you believe (that Church sucks), I'm
wrong. And I would be the narrow-mind person that does not respect others people's
beliefs.
Besides, I don't see other religions being attacked here as Christians.
Specially, I see that you defend jewish religion and jews in several parts of
your page. That's being unfair. Why not to deffend Christians or Catholics in
the same way you defend jews?
You are an hypocrit.
Johny
PS: Since I know how you will probably react, please focus in answering my
questions first.
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
We'll overlook your horrible grammar, assuming it's due to inbreeding, and get straight to your
questions:
Guess what? One of the CREATORS of The Church of Mockery site
is a CHRISTIAN and we get along just fine! Why? Because the Church of Mockery IS about being able to tolerate other religions AND people who don't have any religion at all. Foot in your mouth now? So sorry...
We mock those who do not believe in tolerance. We mock those who are elitist and convinced anybody who doesn't agree with them will go straight to hell. And most importantly, we mock pathetically lost souls such as yourself that have too much pride in themselves to be able to laugh at your own shortcomings. Feel free to write us back once you develop a sense of humor, until then... keep praying little lamb.
-COM
Name:........... John Paul
E-Mail:.......... pope@vatican.com
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Question:
I'm the Pope. Is this a problem?
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
Well, other than the fact that your retirement is LONG OVERDUE (considering we saw you DROOLING on a bible and didn't know where you were, live on TV), nope it's not a problem at all!
-COM
Name:........... The Crouton Pope
E-Mail:.......... nazgul333@aol.com
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Question:
Your site is truly genius. I salute you.
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
Coming from a pope, that sure means a lot. Zod be with you.
-COM
Name:........... Messiah
E-Mail:.......... messiah@yngwie.com
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Question:
Explain to me how the "Virgin" Mary had a kid!?
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
Good question, but she's unavailable for comment at the moment. You'll have to ask her pimp, Leroy Johnson.
-COM
Name:........... Zhee
E-Mail:.......... ZheeSlayBair@webtv.net
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Question:
I love my cats more than relatives. Will I burn in hell for this?
(P.S. I don't live in Appalachia or the Deep South...)
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
No, in fact you will be rewarded for it. Cats are planning on taking over the world
-COM
Name:........... tropical
E-Mail:.......... tropical@edrugtrader.com
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Question:
Did jesus ever got laid?
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
Yes. Laid to rest. And now there's all these assholes out there that want him to come back? Let the poor bastard sleep!
-COM
Name:........... Jeff S.
E-Mail:.......... gorillamanbob@hotmail.com
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Question:
How can you talk shit about aqua man!! he's fucking better than batman! How
dare you, HOW DARE YOU! I demand that you pull that heresy, apologize, and then
kneel, KNEEL BEFORE SCHLONG!!
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
We would remove our comments about Aquaman, but he currently cleans our toilets. What a hero!
-COM
Name:........... Proteus454
E-Mail:.......... proteus454@hotmail.com
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Question:
I have recently realized that all the monkeys in the world are plotting my
downfall. Can the Church of Mockery offer me any insight into the situation?
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
Well, we can give you some advice: RUN AND HIDE.
-COM
Name:........... Barbara
E-Mail:.......... barb8085@swbell.net
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Comments:
I love this site- what a great outlet for people who love to mock religion cuz
lets face it - this is about the most stupid thing that people could come up
with to explain why lightning come from the sky or why bad things happen to good
people (gods will you know). Like George Carlin points out, what good is a master plan when any asshole can come along, pray, and fuck it up.
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
Thanks, and yes indeed, George Carlin definitely has his head on straight when it comes to his thoughts on religion. Hilarious and true. He even reduced the 10 Commandments down to only 2.
-COM
Name:........... Tess
E-Mail:.......... tennad@opendiary.com
Comments/Questions:
just love the fact that you used Christopher Walken for Father
Bastard! ^_^ What is the Church of Mockery's stance on Popples??
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
Popples when rolled up into furry balls are harmless, but when unrolled, they become blood-thirsty monsters that will stop at nothing to destroy this planet.
-COM
Name:........... Hans Moleman
E-Mail:.......... moleperson@hotmail.com
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Question:
Can the Church Of Mockery tell me what the meaning of life is or is it just as
useless as all the other religions that like to float around and cause problems?
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
The meaning of life is different for every individual. For some, the meaning of life is simply a bowl full of Boo Berry cereal. For others, it's pouring hot scalding water into a helpless victim's eyes while singing "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas". You'll have to find the meaning of life for yourself on your own.
-COM
Name:........... aaron
E-Mail:.......... putzmiester@hotmail.com
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Question:
What about the mormons?
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
Indeed, what about them? Why were they last seen with a truckload of stolen plutonium?
What are they up to? Don't trust those mormons... sneaky bastards!
-COM
Name:........... Sir Charles of Barkley
E-Mail:.......... bdaddyf@hotmail.com
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Comment:
I met this religious woman and I told her the sad truth about the afterlife and
the bitch peppersprayed me! That is proof that the church is corrupting the
minds of it's followers to do their sick deeds.
THE CHURCH OF MOCKERY'S RESPONSE:
It's true, if you read up on your religious scriptures you would recall this quote:
"And on the 11th day, God created pepper spray to use on all
heathens."
-COM
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