A list of
people that are going to hell, compiled by GOD himself. |
|
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Name:
Mary-Kate and Ashley
Reason: "Just look at
them! First they were the annoying babies on 'Full House'
with Bob Saget. Now the next probable step in their career
is becoming porn stars." |
 |
Name:
George "Dubya" Bush
Reason: "Excessive stupidity. Single-handedly lowering the human race's overall intelligence
average." |
 |
Name:
Britney Spears
Reason: "Being an ugly, talentless
whore." |
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Name:
Metallica
Reason: "For showing us that there truly are no limits to how greedy someone can
be." |
 |
Name:
George Lucas
Reason: "He
started off nicely, but then he gave life to the demon spawn Jar Jar
Binks." |
 |
Name:
Andy Dick
Reason: "For being a wiry, unfunny fuck." |
 |
Name:
Garfield
Reason: "Because you can only laugh at a stupid
lasagna-eating cat so many times." |
 |
Name:
Nike's Child Labor Slaves
Reason: "Because hell would be a
much better place for them compared to a life working for
Nike." |
 |
Name:
Michael Eisner
Reason: "Disney. Just...Disney." |
 |
Name:
Aquaman
Reason: "For being the most USELESS hero ever." |
 |
Name:
The Pope
Reason: "Because the irony of it all would be
just beautiful." |
 |
Name:
Emmanuel Lewis (Webster)
Reason: "He wasn't nearly as amusing as Gary Coleman, and he didn't even have a great catch phrase!" |
 |
Name:
Aunt Jemima
Reason: "Fuckin' sellout!" |
 |
Name:
Lara Croft
Reason: "For giving teens (and sick old men) something REALLY pathetic to jerk-off to." |
 |
Name:
Michael Jackson
Reason: "The wonders of plastic surgery have made him look like something that came straight outta hell, so I might as well send him back." |
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Name:
Dale Earnhardt
Reason: "Because nobody who drives a car in circles for a living deserves that much
attention." |
 |
Name:
Tim Burton
Reason: "For taking a good career and flushing it down the toilet with garbage like the remake of 'Planet of the Apes'." |
 |
Name:
Liv Tyler
Reason: "Just because daddy's a famous rock star, doesn't mean you're a good fucking actress, missy." |
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Name:
The Gorton's Fisherman
Reason: "Oh, if only you knew the shit he's pulled during his lifetime!
That man is pure
evil!" |
 |
Name:
Richard Simmons
Reason: "He's been secretly making people fatter all these years!" |
 |
Name:
Robert Smith (The Cure)
Reason: "Because
he's been whining his entire fucking life... Well, I'm
gonna give you something to whine about Robert, right
after I burn the lipstick and eye-shadow off of your
face!" |
