BEGIN
FORWARDED LETTER:
Why Go To Church?
A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of the newspaper
and complained that it made no sense to go to church every
Sunday. "I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that
time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the
life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So I think
I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."
This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor"
column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:
I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife
has cooked some 32,000 meals. But for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals.
But I do know this: They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given
me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise,
if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!"
When you are DOWN to nothing.... God is UP to something!
Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives
the impossible!
Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!
END
FORWARDED LETTER.
In the time that I've been alive so far, I've taken roughly 15,000-20,000 shits. I cannot recall the consistency of any of these shits, or the pain or ease with which any of them came out. Nor can I remember the distinct smell of any particular one. You see, they all pretty much smelled like shit, and as such, I don't really fucking CARE to remember them.
Most of the church sermons I've been to have also smelled like shit, come to think of it. Especially the part where they pass around the collection plate and talk about how much the money is needed and all the good it's going to do. They should stick a roll of toilet paper in the plate too, so that after you handle the thing you can wipe yourself clean of all the shit you've just soiled yourself with. Or maybe even a bidet...I think I'm onto something here...
Anyway, where was I. Oh yes, 3,000 sermons and all that. Well, in the time that I've been alive I estimate that I've jerked off somewhere in the neighborhood of 3,500,000 times.
So you could say that in my lifetime I've already had 1,000 times more "religious experiences" than you've had.
And all in the comfort of my own home! Well, except for when I'm at
work... or at a friend's house... or the bus... but you get the point.
-Protoclown
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