Where would we be without it? Well, we'd be in the same place that
we're in now actually. Still, hatemail is always a wonderfully
to read. On this page we proudly put on display some of the most
"brilliant" slandering our readers have come up with. We also
proudly display some of the more bizarre emails we've received.
Naturally, after each message you'll find our personal response to
the disgruntled and/or insane individual. Enjoy! And don't forget,
if you have something you'd like to tell us, then by all means use
our contact form!
have you seen all these sad wannabes today? with their hand-mem-down
jeans and chains and hoodies?walkin' around with a SHITknot tee
on? honestly it's a disgrace to the real metalheads
The fact alone that you have even looked at these infidels takes
extreme metal points away from you. You should never leave your
house again, for your metal fortitude is weak and flaccid. You dare
you even even try to contact me and mention those words to me. Just
for that, your metal penance will be to stay in your room, put on
"Screaming for Vengeance" by Judas Priest and start cutting off your
fingers one by one with a rusty spoon. Only then will SOME of your
metalness returns. Godspeed!
Have you not read the Saxon works of Tolkein?
You are not a true metalhead! You fail!
Oh sure, I read
that... BACK IN KINDERGARTEN! Jeez, you must be REALLY behind. Tell
ya what, let's see if you can make it through a copy of Vlorn
Bjerrgård Xobtänz' infamous anthology on Intestinal Bouleversement
via Ore Intromissum. Then we shall start to talk about who is and
who isn't METAL ok? Talk to you in a few years, junior.
Name:............ Thomas Richard Bowen
i think its ok to make fun of metal for some things because it is
kind of goofy at times but your doing this to be mean to metal fans
and not just doing it for a laugh and for that FUCK OFF
How do you know why we're really doing this? Have you ever met
us? How do you know that we're not actually metal fans ourselves?
Have you seen our CD collections? It's pretty obvious that you don't
know shit. So, Thomas Richard Bowen, allow us to extend a hearty "WAHHHH!"
to your oversensitive sheltered ass. It's not too often that we an
apparent fan of metal with such a lack of cojoñes.
"You're just being mean!" Christ, could you sound any whinier? Tell
ya what, while you're sitting in your rocking chair with your herbal
tea, knit each of us a sweater and then maybe we can be as sensitive
as you someday.
The joke is on you. Metal lives on. And whatever the hell you like
trendy shit that you won't even care for when everyone tells you
not cool to like it anymore.
Whoah, "Metal", so is that like... your name? I've never
received an email from an entire genre of music before, just fans of
the genre. So metal, what do you think of all of these idiotic fans
that blindly defend you without even considering that there are
indeed some ridiculously stupid things in their scene whether they
like it or not? Oh wait, you're not "Metal", the genre... you're
"Jackass", one of the millions of "non-trendy" people who will
defend their scene to the death before they even try to take a step
back and laugh at some of the absurdities found within it.
Name:............ i dont have a "christian" name
i killed 37 people with a pencil eraser once
How very "Metal" of you. Did you kill them with sunlight
through a magnifying glass too? I've got news for you: those weren't
people. They're called ants. You know, those tiny little creatures
that are way higher up on the evolutionary scale than yourself.
Name:............ Morbid Sunrise
you pussy eating posers!!
Don't you know that eating pussy is the most metal thing one can
do? In the garage demos of Bulgarian band, Hazmar Fallicus, who is
the most KVLT (which stands for the word "cult" in case you're not
metal enough to know that) band in the world, they write "Net-see
sOme Envor Yarn log, trit vargian lang, mushing vo wick," which
obviously explains all of this... but you aren't metal enough to
understand it, poseur.
It's sad how many Americans don't even know what REAL METAL even is.
sure as hell aint the radio rock shit.
Indeed, and you know what else isn't "REAL METAL"? A loser
with an email address like "firstname.lastname@example.org".
Yeah, that's definitely not "REAL METAL".
I'm gonna break you into little cubes..
Little cubes? What the fuck, do you want to put me in a soda
and drink me!? Hey pal, I've got something that you can drink:
*points towards crotch*. Refreshing and thirst quenching on
those hot summer days when a sad little metalhead can't take the
ardvarks have no place in death metal.
You mean aardvarks? I suppose you're right. Maybe that's why
we haven't seen any fronting a metal band lately. But you should be
worried, for the prophecies say, "thou shalt fear the day thy metal
becomes defined by a rap/rock hybrid... for the aardvarks shall rain
down upon thee with the fires of hell!" Pretty scary stuff huh?
Looks like we're all fucked. Damned aardvarks...
Name:............ Murray Neill
If I still had hair it'd be long, but unfortunately I'm bald.
Bald is as metal as one can get, only way you can be metal is to
have excessive amounts of body hair. I myself, am fuzzier than Danny
Liker's bass tone. So, that easily makes me the most metal person on
earth, but since the fact that you lament about your feminine hair
being gone, it completely discredits you as being metal even in the
WHAT A FUCK IDIOT ¡¡¡¡
What a fuck
idiot? Perhaps I'm not to hip on my ebonics, but would you care to
explain that comment a little further? Did you just finish up with
one of the animals in the barn and wanted to share it with somebody?
If so, you should have stated it more along the lines of, "Wow! What
a fuck that was! I may be an idiot, but WOW... What a fuck that
was!" See how much easier that is to understand? Excellent.
not biased? man you guys are really funny. i mean it. the only thing
im wondering is, what is the deal with metal, why do you have to
blast on it? im sure if you let people know what kind of music you
listened to most people would blast on you shitheads as well. im not
expecting everyone to be fair and respect other's peculiarities and
preferences, but if you are gonna blast on something, at least know
what the fuck you are talking about. your site seems pretty
creative, yet you blast on creative band logos simply because your
ignorant eyes cannot decipher them. now please, remember to blast on
me as well, it seems i have overused the word blast haven't I?
There is no humour in this site at all. Smiling and laughing is
not allowing in any form of metal at all! We are here to point out
the chinks in the proud armour that we wear named metal, with hopes
of smoothing into sharp perfection. Obviously your pedestrian mind
has completely misunderstood the metalness of this website. As for
the logos, my eyes have been anointed by Thor himself in seeing the
true meaning of these logos. As for your use of the word "blast"
it's obviously a tell-tale sign that you enjoy a large loads of
infected semen blasting into your lower intestinal tract. You might
need professional help to fix this problem..
Ozzy sucks, long life to A.L.E
Ahhh, finally somebody with real taste!
of course the greatest band that ever existed. Then again, this is
common knowledge to anyone that "feels the metal".
Metal Elitists fail as well as Nu-Metal loving toilet smegma.
Thrahs owns life... you all = AIDS!!!
Improper English is more of a failure towards metal than anything
you've mentioned. We are not elitists, we just know that we think on
a much grander scale that your inferior non-metal brain can
comprehend. It's obvious by the fact alone that you cannot creative
on simple sentence correctly, much less a proper paragraph. No, we
do not have AIDS merely on the fact that all our metal wenches are
virgins when we receive them, our pure metalness only attracts those
types. Hence, you are incorrect on your assessment, please review
and try again. You get a D- on your metal grade, which is
So there you have it! There will be plenty more spiteful messages
to come in the future, but, in the
meantime, be sure you check out the rest of the hate-o-rific sites
on www.I-Mockery.com as well
as join in the discussions on our Message
Forums to talk with other maniacs such as yourself! See you