I-Mockery.com Presents: THE OFFICIAL METAL MOCKERY SITE!

Ah Hatemail. Where would we be without it? Well, we'd be in the same place that we're in now actually. Still, hatemail is always a wonderfully amusing thing to read. On this page we proudly put on display some of the most "brilliant" slandering our readers have come up with. We also proudly display some of the more bizarre emails we've received. Naturally, after each message you'll find our personal response to the disgruntled and/or insane individual. Enjoy! And don't forget, if you have something you'd like to tell us, then by all means use our contact form!

Name:............ rufio
E-Mail:............ goththung1@aol.com

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Comments/Questions:
have you seen all these sad wannabes today? with their hand-mem-down
jeans and chains and hoodies?walkin' around with a SHITknot tee shirt
on? honestly it's a disgrace to the real metalheads
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The fact alone that you have even looked at these infidels takes extreme metal points away from you. You should never leave your house again, for your metal fortitude is weak and flaccid. You dare you even even try to contact me and mention those words to me. Just for that, your metal penance will be to stay in your room, put on "Screaming for Vengeance" by Judas Priest and start cutting off your fingers one by one with a rusty spoon. Only then will SOME of your metalness returns. Godspeed!

Name:............ Ian
E-Mail:............ ianclotworthy@hotmail.com

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Comments/Questions:
Have you not read the Saxon works of Tolkein?
You are not a true metalhead! You fail!
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Oh sure, I read that... BACK IN KINDERGARTEN! Jeez, you must be REALLY behind. Tell ya what, let's see if you can make it through a copy of Vlorn Bjerrgĺrd Xobtänz' infamous anthology on Intestinal Bouleversement via Ore Intromissum. Then we shall start to talk about who is and who isn't METAL ok? Talk to you in a few years, junior.

Name:............ Thomas Richard Bowen
E-Mail:............ RickBowen@whitesnake.every1.net

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Comments/Questions:
i think its ok to make fun of metal for some things because it is kind of goofy at times but your doing this to be mean to metal fans and not just doing it for a laugh and for that FUCK OFF
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How do you know why we're really doing this? Have you ever met us? How do you know that we're not actually metal fans ourselves? Have you seen our CD collections? It's pretty obvious that you don't know shit. So, Thomas Richard Bowen, allow us to extend a hearty "WAHHHH!" to your oversensitive sheltered ass. It's not too often that we an apparent fan of metal with such a lack of cojońes. "You're just being mean!" Christ, could you sound any whinier? Tell ya what, while you're sitting in your rocking chair with your herbal tea, knit each of us a sweater and then maybe we can be as sensitive as you someday.

Name:........... Metal
E-Mail:........... Idonthearyou@haha.com

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Comments/Questions:
The joke is on you. Metal lives on. And whatever the hell you like is
trendy shit that you won't even care for when everyone tells you it's
not cool to like it anymore.

Please Die
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Whoah, "Metal", so is that like... your name? I've never received an email from an entire genre of music before, just fans of the genre. So metal, what do you think of all of these idiotic fans that blindly defend you without even considering that there are indeed some ridiculously stupid things in their scene whether they like it or not? Oh wait, you're not "Metal", the genre... you're "Jackass", one of the millions of "non-trendy" people who will defend their scene to the death before they even try to take a step back and laugh at some of the absurdities found within it.

Name:............ i dont have a "christian" name
E-Mail:............ nikerow@hotmail.com

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Comments/Questions:
i killed 37 people with a pencil eraser once
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How very "Metal" of you. Did you kill them with sunlight through a magnifying glass too? I've got news for you: those weren't people. They're called ants. You know, those tiny little creatures that are way higher up on the evolutionary scale than yourself.

Name:............ Morbid Sunrise
E-Mail:............ answer_that_n_stay_fashionable@hotmail.com

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Comments/Questions:
you pussy eating posers!!
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Don't you know that eating pussy is the most metal thing one can do? In the garage demos of Bulgarian band, Hazmar Fallicus, who is the most KVLT (which stands for the word "cult" in case you're not metal enough to know that) band in the world, they write "Net-see sOme Envor Yarn log, trit vargian lang, mushing vo wick," which obviously explains all of this... but you aren't metal enough to understand it, poseur.

Name:............ Jack
E-Mail:............ mysticmoonlight11@excite.com

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Comments/Questions:
It's sad how many Americans don't even know what REAL METAL even is. It
sure as hell aint the radio rock shit.
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Indeed, and you know what else isn't "REAL METAL"? A loser with an email address like "mysticmoonlight11@excite.com". Yeah, that's definitely not "REAL METAL".

Name:............ Christian
E-Mail:............ mrdemon15@totaldeath.com

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Comments/Questions:
I'm gonna break you into little cubes..
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Little cubes? What the fuck, do you want to put me in a soda and drink me!? Hey pal, I've got something that you can drink: *points towards crotch*. Refreshing and thirst quenching on those hot summer days when a sad little metalhead can't take the heat.

Name:............ nevile
E-Mail:............ igotpiles@donnington.com

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Comments/Questions:
ardvarks have no place in death metal.
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You mean aardvarks? I suppose you're right. Maybe that's why we haven't seen any fronting a metal band lately. But you should be worried, for the prophecies say, "thou shalt fear the day thy metal becomes defined by a rap/rock hybrid... for the aardvarks shall rain down upon thee with the fires of hell!" Pretty scary stuff huh? Looks like we're all fucked. Damned aardvarks...

Name:............ Murray Neill
E-Mail:............ plasmort@attbi.com

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Comments/Questions:
If I still had hair it'd be long, but unfortunately I'm bald.
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Bald is as metal as one can get, only way you can be metal is to have excessive amounts of body hair. I myself, am fuzzier than Danny Liker's bass tone. So, that easily makes me the most metal person on earth, but since the fact that you lament about your feminine hair being gone, it completely discredits you as being metal even in the least bit.

Name:............ ALEJANDRO
E-Mail:............ disgorge_5@hotmail.com

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Comments/Questions:
WHAT A FUCK IDIOT ĄĄĄĄ
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What a fuck idiot? Perhaps I'm not to hip on my ebonics, but would you care to explain that comment a little further? Did you just finish up with one of the animals in the barn and wanted to share it with somebody? If so, you should have stated it more along the lines of, "Wow! What a fuck that was! I may be an idiot, but WOW... What a fuck that was!" See how much easier that is to understand? Excellent.

Name:............ pedro
E-Mail:............ blowmefuckers@hotmail.com

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Comments/Questions:
not biased? man you guys are really funny. i mean it. the only thing im wondering is, what is the deal with metal, why do you have to blast on it? im sure if you let people know what kind of music you listened to most people would blast on you shitheads as well. im not expecting everyone to be fair and respect other's peculiarities and preferences, but if you are gonna blast on something, at least know what the fuck you are talking about. your site seems pretty creative, yet you blast on creative band logos simply because your ignorant eyes cannot decipher them. now please, remember to blast on me as well, it seems i have overused the word blast haven't I?
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There is no humour in this site at all. Smiling and laughing is not allowing in any form of metal at all! We are here to point out the chinks in the proud armour that we wear named metal, with hopes of smoothing into sharp perfection. Obviously your pedestrian mind has completely misunderstood the metalness of this website. As for the logos, my eyes have been anointed by Thor himself in seeing the true meaning of these logos. As for your use of the word "blast" it's obviously a tell-tale sign that you enjoy a large loads of infected semen blasting into your lower intestinal tract. You might need professional help to fix this problem..

Name:............ jesus
E-Mail:............ grovagna@hotmail.com

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Comments/Questions:
Ozzy sucks, long life to A.L.E
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Ahhh, finally somebody with real taste! A.L.E. is of course the greatest band that ever existed. Then again, this is common knowledge to anyone that "feels the metal".

Name:............ Moses
E-Mail:............ jesus_is_a_hob2@yahoo.com

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Comments/Questions:
Metal Elitists fail as well as Nu-Metal loving toilet smegma.
Thrahs owns life... you all = AIDS!!!
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Improper English is more of a failure towards metal than anything you've mentioned. We are not elitists, we just know that we think on a much grander scale that your inferior non-metal brain can comprehend. It's obvious by the fact alone that you cannot creative on simple sentence correctly, much less a proper paragraph. No, we do not have AIDS merely on the fact that all our metal wenches are virgins when we receive them, our pure metalness only attracts those types. Hence, you are incorrect on your assessment, please review and try again. You get a D- on your metal grade, which is unacceptable.

So there you have it! There will be plenty more spiteful messages to come in the future, but, in the meantime, be sure you check out the rest of the hate-o-rific sites on www.I-Mockery.com as well as join in the discussions on our Message Forums to talk with other maniacs such as yourself! See you there, chump!