Let’s get serious here. If you want to give a real MONSTER PARTY, no mass produced plastic crud will suffice. You need the real shit here, stuff that’s been hand-cursed by immortal voodoo priests from the darkest regions of Taiwan. There’s only one place to be for all your Monster Party needs, and that’s the seasonal Halloween Shop.

The moment you swing open the door to the old shop, and hear the creepy bell tingling, you know you’ve made the right choice for your party favors. The musty stank of dried entrails greets you as you look over the racks, filled with skulls, magical trinkets, and jack-o-lanterns with offensive carvings. Aside from the dressed-up science lab skeleton next to the entrance, there’s no one in sight. Not a living soul.

Moments before you make the fatal horror movie mistake of yelling “Is anyone there?” (alerting the monster/murderer/demon of your presence), a monitor set up behind the counter flicks on automatically, probably set off by a sensor near the door. The rotting face of the Gatekeeper, a character from the spooky board game "Nightmare", appears on the screen and starts speaking to you. Evidently, this Halloween Shop has gone through its share of technological advancements.

“Stop!” he yells at you. “Might I be of service, you festering maggot?”

Recovering from the initial shock and verbal abuse, you inform the Gatekeeper that you intend to throw a Monster Party, and are in need of some kick-ass party favors. The Gatekeeper/store clerk has himself a hearty laugh that doesn’t seem to end. You smack yourself for being so stupid as to consult a recorded tape for help on party needs, and step forward to start browsing the store.

“Stop!!” the Gatekeeper yells.

“So, you deem yourself worthy to throw a MONSTER PARTY? We have a fine selection of Monster Party Favor Themes for you to choose from…” He makes a rude gesture, and a piece of paper with a list of party themes appears out of thin air on the counter before him.

You decide to pick:

• The “Scary Teddy pastel cloud of enchanted rainbows” theme.
   
• The “Sup, Satan?” theme.
   
• The “Mother Of All Nightmares” theme.
   
• The “Spooky Star Trek Convention” theme.