You walk to the back of the bus and decide to sit down next to the inanimate corpse of actor River Phoenix. At least you can rest assured that he won't snore or bother you with the story of his life like most people you've ever had to sit next to on a bus ride. Then it hits you... "Wait a second! What the hell is the corpse of River Phoenix doing on a bus!? Shouldn't it be buried underground by now or something!?" You look closely at the corpse and notice something quite peculiar. Behind his left ear, you discover a tiny switch. Remembering what you learned in your old Biology 101 class, you're positive that humans aren't born with metal switches behind their ears. So, you decide to give it a flick to see what happens.

HOLY SHIT! THE SEVERED HEAD OF ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER!

You are absolutely floored by this shocking event - the severed head of Arnold Schwarzenegger had been stored in the inanimate corpse of River Phoenix all along! Pretty crazy how you just happened to end up on the same bus with it, huh? Life's wacky like that sometimes.

Just then, the head rises up into the air and says, "Come with me if you want to live," and then proceeds to crash through the back of the bus. Considering that all logic and reason has just flown right out the window along with the severed head of Schwarzenegger, you figure you've got nothing to lose and you jump out as well. It seems like you're following the stupid floating head for days, especially since it won't shut up about how great of a movie "Jingle All The Way" was. Eventually, you end up in a graveyard, and wouldn't you know it... it's the grave of River Phoenix. Arnold's head pukes up a shovel (and boy was that a sight to see!) and instructs you to dig. Since the body of River Phoenix is still probably on that bus somewhere, you figure he won't mind.

You dig and dig for what must have been at least 5 hours straight. You would've taken a break, but you feared that Arnold's head might puke up an anvil on you if you did. Just when you were about to tell that head to go find its body and shove itself into its own ass, you uncover an old map. A map like you've never seen before. As you pick it up, a beam of light appears below you and you are sucked away to... oh god no, it can't be. No, anything but that! No way! It can't be! It is! HOLY SHIT IT'S...

SKULL ISLAND!

You are now standing on the outskirts of Skull Island with a real haunted treasure map in your hand. Inebriated Ivan's Haunted Treasure Map to be exact. You're not sure who Inebriated Ivan is, but you've got a feeling he is somehow related to Pestilential Pete. Aside from the fact that the island is in the shape of a skull, you notice some other odd things on the map - A can of WD-40, a Rotato kit, and a Frogger arcade game. You're not sure why these things are there, but you can bet your haunted treasure hunting ass that you'll be encountering them on your journey. No exact course has been provided on this map. Where do you go first? Egads, it looks like you're just going to have to *gulp* use your instincts on this one. Good luck. On a place like Skull Island, you're gonna need it.

You decide to go:

• North.
   
• South.
   
• East.
   
• West.