I-Mockery's Ultimate Guide To The Halloween Candies Of 2008
by: -RoG-


Pumpkin Spice Hershey's Kisses

Last year, Hershey's Kisses came out with a limited edition candy corn flavor that I really grew to like a lot. I haven't seen them in stores this year, but that doesn't mean they're not out there. What I did find, however, were these new Pumpin Spice Hershey's Kisses. Out of all the candies I've tried this year, these ones definitely smell the best. When you first open the bag, you're hit with a really nice cinnamon scent that makes you want to chow down on these things like you were starving. These are one of those treats that really come down to a matter of preference... I think some people will love 'em and others will hate 'em. I'm on the fence with these because, on one hand, I really love how they smell... on the other hand, the cinnamon flavor itself is so strong that it really overpowers the pumpkin flavor. They're also very rich, so it's hard to each more than just a few of 'em. Still, I'd recommend trying them because for certain sets o' taste buds, these could be one of the best new Halloween treats this season.

out of 5 crazy Jacks

Bones Fruit Gummees Bowl

If there's one thing Bones probably shouldn't be, it's gotta be "gummy"... what with them being BONES 'n all. Still, that didn't stopped one company from producing this Bones Fruit Gummees Bowl. The fruit snacks themselves aren't anything to really write home about, they're just your standard generic brand tropical fruit flavored gummy candies. And hey, if the novelty of assembling your own gummy skeleton wears off quickly, one of the highlights of these candies is that you get some new microwaveable tupperware out of the deal (yes, they actually promote it on the package). Gummy candies and tupperware? You can't tell me these Halloween treats aren't specifically targeted towards the elderly.

out of 5 chainsaws

Squirt Bugs Fruit Gummees Bowl

The same company that brought us the Bones Gummees also produced this Squirt Bugs Fruit Gummees Bowl. It's the exact same deal, only these bugs come in several flavors. Don't let the "squirt' in the name or the squirting bug character on the bowl fool you though... these things have no liquid inside whatsoever. Pretty weak, even if you do get some new tupperware.

out of 5 counts

Jolly Rancher Lolli Pops With Creepy Tattoos

Jolly Ranchers have put out a variety of Halloween themed lollipops in the past (such as their Creepy Pops), and while these new ones don't have any spooky shapes, the assorted flavors still taste just as good and come in hanging packs of four with tattoos. The tattoos look like they came straight out of a Halloween clipart site with your standard fare sheet ghosts, black cats, jack-o-lanterns and spiders to name a few. But hey... if you want something nicer, go to a real tattoo artist.

out of 5 Freddy gloves

Ice Breakers Sours Pumpkins

If there's one candy you wouldn't expect to see trying to "Halloween it up", Ice Breakers mints would probably be near the top of your list. And yet here they are, with these fantastic little Sours Pumpkins in orange and mango flavors. What really impresses me is that they actually went through the trouble of reshaping these things to look like pumpkins. That's honestly the kind of dedication to Halloween that all candy companies should have. Ice Breakers, I salute you!

out of 5 hearses

Green Apple Gummy Frog Dissection Kit

Now this is a big disappointment. Last year, Target was carrying these in a completely different package, and while the packaging isn't a huge deal, the contents were. Yes, you still get the huge gummy frog which weighs enough to knock somebody unconscious if you hurled it at their face with enough force. What you don't get, however, is the shiny pair of tweezers or the flies to remove from it. Kinda defeats the purpose of having a frog to cut open if you're not gonna have anything cool to remove from it. It's sad to see them skimping out on those little extras, so let's hope they reverse this error in judgment next year.

out of 5 Frankensteins

Strawberry Gummy Heart Dissection Kit

Since there was no heart dissection kit last year that I'm aware of, this large gummy heart and plastic scalpel are a welcome new addition to the Halloween candy aisle. Gotta love that big blue artery running along the outside of it. Again, with this kit there are no extras for you to pull out of the gummy candy when you cut the sucker open, but I'm sure there's more than enough gelatin in this thing to clog your own arteries. Then a a doctor can dissect your own heart... spooky!

out of 5 zombie hands

Wonka Nerds Test Tubes:
Vampire Vaccine, Mummy Makeover,
Werewolf Morph and Bat Bite Antidote

Man, the Wonka company really is just the king of Halloween. These new Nerds test tubes are what Halloween is all about. Not only do you get some delicious Nerds candies, you get four mini monster statues as well. Take a look:

Pretty nifty aren't they? Actually, the Werewolf Morph character looks more like a mutated version of Alf, but that just makes me like him all that much more. Also, the Wildberry flavored Nerds he comes with are a flavor I've never had before (unlike the Cherry Vampire Vaccine, Fruit Punch Mummy Makeover, and Grape Bat Bite Antidote) and I gotta say, they're really good. Then again, it's hard to think of any Nerds flavors that are bad. Nerds, test tubes and monster statues, all for under two bucks a pop? Wonktacular!

out of 5 Edgar Allen Poe's.

Yummy Light Up Lollipops

Now these are one of the many Halloween candies that you would rather look at than eat. After all, they're just lollipops, so unless you're really starving, there's no reason to eat them and ruin the one truly cool thing they have going for themselves.

Just look at those beauties! I can't think of any time where I'd be craving a lollipop that badly to where I'd want to ruin perfectly good Halloween lights like this. So, as far as miniature light-up decorations, they're pretty awesome and worth picking up.

out of 5 haunted houses

Oh but there's more!


Reader Comments

Space Cowboy
Oct 30th, 2008, 05:56 AM
I can't even begin to guess why Target never embraced Domo-Kun themed candy before.
Forum Virgin
Oct 30th, 2008, 06:59 AM
Great review, I look forward to this review and thank you for sacrificing your guts to this cause. Have you thought about going to that japanese store and seeing if they have any Halloween candies that may blow our minds? Just a thought, keep up the great work!
That damn kid
Oct 30th, 2008, 07:02 AM
All of the candy that was caramel or pumpkin looked like light colored poo, now I cant finish my toast! Although I guess thats the trick part of halloween.

kickass guide
lurking on the walls
Oct 30th, 2008, 09:35 AM
the "coral snake" is a harmless snake, that's true, but it's only a coral snake if the colors red and black are touching, otherwise, you have a poisonous snake there
Punk Rock Hamster
Oct 30th, 2008, 10:02 AM
Mmmmm, candy. A lot of the Domo Kun candy sounds about as good as you'd think it would be by looking at it, never understood the lure of sugar coated marshmallow candy. Those Chewy Nerds are the best, they sell individual size bags of assorted flavors, too. As a side note, does anyone know if 7-11 has a Halloween Slurpee this year? The last time I was in there the only new flavor I saw was the Slurp-achino, which did look kinda scary, but more ewww-scary than halloween-scary.
teacup of sunshine
Oct 30th, 2008, 11:31 AM
but coral snakes aren't harmless at all They don't bite unprovoked, sure, but they can get in a hell of a neurotoxic wallop.

What Video Games?
Oct 30th, 2008, 12:14 PM
Brilliant response for the boogers that got a one out of five.

I always love reading these. I give it five diabetics out of five.
Reeks of awesomeness...
Oct 30th, 2008, 01:45 PM
If you're looking for the Candy Corn flavored Hershey's Kisses, Wal-Mart sells them for about $2.00 a bag.
A person.
Oct 30th, 2008, 03:11 PM
"Chef Ghoulicious Box Of Boogers"

Forum Virgin
Oct 30th, 2008, 04:00 PM
what's that yellow thing on the slide suppose to be it looks like the walmart mascot taking a shit.
Ninja Meatloaf Fox
Oct 30th, 2008, 06:39 PM
Actually its the milk snake that looks similair and is harmless. also the chocolate domo puzzle is surprisingly terrible.
Oct 30th, 2008, 07:13 PM
I need a candy fan, it's still over 90 degrees in San Diego... ='(

Also, I require that ALL of my treats boo with "TUDE!"
Forum Virgin
Oct 30th, 2008, 08:31 PM
the "coral snake" is a harmless snake, that's true, but it's only a coral snake if the colors red and black are touching, otherwise, you have a poisonous snake there
The CORAL snake is venomous, the KING snake is harmless.
Remember, RED and YELLOW kills a fellow, RED and BLACK- venom lacks.

Filthy Hirate Pooker
Oct 30th, 2008, 09:48 PM
Hurrah! I've been waiting so long for this. The 'mini' reviews that Zombie Reporting Center were doing just were not cutting it for me Gotta be the i-mockery candy review or nothing at all. :D
Forum Virgin
Oct 30th, 2008, 10:41 PM
What the hell - who let the herpetologists' club in here? If the package sez its a coral snake, then its a coral snake, dammit! And a fine looking specimen it is!
good fer what ails ye.
Oct 30th, 2008, 11:44 PM
By God,....I need Domo mini figures!
Fake Shemp
Oct 31st, 2008, 12:04 AM
I wish I had teeth...
Oct 31st, 2008, 03:03 AM
Aura Fox is right, as the milk snake greatly resembles a coral snake, but is actually non-poisonous.

Nice guide, -RoG-.
Forum Virgin
Oct 31st, 2008, 12:40 PM
Rog, you are an icon, as fundamental to my halloween as Treehouse of Horror and The Great Pumpkin. Of course my main reason in registering today was to say that New World Coral snakes are extremely venomous but now see that I have been beaten to the "geeky herpetologist" punch. Dammit. Ah well, have loved your stuff for years now, especially the Halloween entries.
Oct 31st, 2008, 01:59 PM
Happy Halloween everyone!

Answering the question: "What will you do when the green rush comes over you?"

Hulk Smash!

Fire Bad!

Ba Buh BA Nah Nu Nah! (Dragonzord activate tune.)

Now if you'll excuse me I just made a Mighty Morphin Power Rangers reference, and therefore I have to go kill myself.
Freak Power
Oct 31st, 2008, 04:35 PM
Hell... diabetic coma anyone? Nicely done RoG... hows the old Blood Sugar count?
Costume Junkie
Oct 31st, 2008, 05:11 PM
The Candy Corn Kisses did make a comeback, though I haven't yet seen the Pumpkin Spice.

One you managed to miss was the Caramel Apple Kisses, which I passed out at a recent party. One comment recieved was that it 'tastes like green apple and GOD'.
Bustin makes me feel good
Oct 31st, 2008, 06:51 PM
I haven't given out candy on Halloween for close to 10 years. This year, I decided to be a good neighbor and give out LOADS of candy. Alas, all the candy I bought to give out was eaten...by me. Apparently, I have NO willpower.
Nov 1st, 2008, 08:08 PM
Most of this stuff seemed really gross.
Sympathizes with the foo'
Nov 3rd, 2008, 03:30 PM
"Creepy Beakers?" Oh well, I guess "Eerie Erlenmeyers" just doesn't have the same punch.
Basement Monkey
Nov 3rd, 2008, 07:38 PM
Just picked up the Christmas edition of the giant nerds and they are just as good.
Sep 16th, 2010, 01:07 AM
I love the chocolate Skittles. No accounting for taste I guess.

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