Features

I-Mockery's Ultimate Guide To The Halloween Candies Of 2008
by: -RoG-

...CONTINUED

Boogyman Lollipops

As much as I like how these Boogyman Lollipops look, I had a feeling they wouldn't taste bad. Why? Because it's simply listed as "artificially flavored" instead of "grape" or whatever you would expect something like this to taste like. When they don't even list the flavor it usually means they have no idea what it tastes like either. I equate it to licking the sole of an old shoe... which, when you think about it, is probably how the Boogman really would taste. So I guess they were going more for accuracy here rather than making a treat that tastes good.

out of 5 Counts (ah-ah-ah!)

Vampire Fangs With Bloody Blackberry and
Gruesome Green Apple Gummy Tongues

These are really no different than the Gummy Ghouls Candy Tongues that I reviewed a few years ago. Same set of plastic fangs and a gummy tongue, but with Target's new Halloween themed packaging. The one big difference here is that this is probably the only blackberry flavored Halloween candies you'll ever come across. Seriously, you just don't find blackberry flavored candies all too often. The packages say the tongues are tart, but they're no more tart than any other typical gummy candies you've ever had before. As rare as it is to find a blackberry flavored candy, thing tongue is perhaps proof as to why that is... it's simply not that good. The green apple one is pretty decent though. So, unless you just want the blackberry one because you long for a black tongue, I'd go with the green set.

out of 5 maggots

Creepy Crawlers Gummy Coral Snake

No! I won't do it! I will NOT eat this thing. It's a coral snake for chrissakes... A CORAL SNAKE! That's one hell of a specific gummy candy. They could've just gone with your garden variety snake, but no, Creepy Crawlers went all out with their new gummy coral snake. Just look at the coloring job on it. I don't care how good it may potentially taste, I'm not ruining something that looks this great. Considering coral snakes are non-venemous, it's not exactly a "creepy" snake. It's the kind of snake you just want to pick up and hug. Hell, I'm tempted to set up a terrarium just so I can put this lil' fella inside it for safe keeping.

out of 5 Mummies

Domo-Kun Frankenstein Marshmallow

I'm sure you were just as surprised as I was to see that Domo-Kun was the official Halloween mascot for Target this year. Sure he's a popular Japanese monster and the subject of an infamous Internet masturbation joke (two fairly scary things), but who would've thought a big company like Target would decide to embrace him for Halloween of all things? Well, in addition to being their mascot, they put out a variety of Domo monster marshmallows such as this Frankstein one. As much as I love Domo, I'm not a big fan of marshmallow candies to begin with, and these ones are definitely subpar as far as flavor goes. So unless you're into eating something that tastes like a chemically treated sponge, I'd steer clear of these.

out of 5 Mothras

Domo-Kun Gummy Chompers

While I like the idea behind these Domo-Kun chompers, I think they could've been excuted much better. The problem with them is, you can't really wear these gummy chompers unless you lean your head back and just place them on your lips. Again, it's a good idea, but it would've worked much better had they been like the classic candy wax lips that we've all come to love over the years. Here's hoping they get it right next Halloween, because I'd love nothing more than to be able to walk around with a set of Domo chompers in my mouth.

out of 5 puzzle boxes

Chef Ghoulicious Box Of Boogers

Just as good as they were last year. Plump and delicious... just like real boogers! Right?

    out of 5 Creatures from the Black Lagoon

Chef Choulicious Zit Poppers

Along with their seasonal Box of Boogers, Flix has made a new addition to their fun Chef Ghoulicious line of Halloween candies - Zit Poppers! All I can say is WOW... look at those things. They're actually wet when you take them out of the package and appear to be filled with puss and blood. That's some seriously nasty looking stuff right there. Well, as disgusting as they look, they don't taste half bad. They're gummy candies with a sweet gooey center that really does resemble the kind of fluid you'd expect to see oozing out of a blister. They may not be my favorite candies as far as taste goes, but these definitely win my pick for grossest looking Halloween candies of 2008. Way to go, Chef!

out of 5 black widow spiders

Trick-Or-Treat Candy Fan Pop

Sure, it's a tasty blue raspberry lollipop 'n all, but anybody who buys a novelty candy product like this will tell you they didn't buy it because they wanted a treat... they wanted a toy. In this case, you get a fan:

Pretty nifty lil' fan too, what with the goofy ghost face and all the lights, but it's not exactly a high-powered one that's gonna cool you off much. Then again, most people don't need fans in October because the weather has already taken a cold turn. But even if you don't technically need one, are you really going to pass up the chance to get one that looks like this and comes with candy? I didn't think so.

out of 5 leaf piles

Fluffy Stuff Sour Apple Spider Web Cotton Candy

I love cotton candy... loooooooooove it. And if it wasn't for Fluffy Stuff brand cotton candy, I would only get to have it when attending a carnival of some sort, which isn't exactly something I do on a regular basis. So the idea that they'd put out a Halloween spider web themed version of their cotton candy is something I'm all for. What I'm not for is changing the flavor of cotton candy. Cotton candy is fine as it is. It doesn't need to be fixed, it doesn't need to be changed, it doesn't need extra flavor. When I saw that this stuff was sour apple flavor, I figured it would be just a mellow apple flavor... boy was I ever wrong. This stuff is a sour ASSAULT on your mouth. I actually winced when I first tried it, it was that surprising. If you're into extremely sour candy, look no further than the Fluffy Stuff Spider Web Cotton Candy. Personally, I prefer my cotton candy in the classic style and not spun from the buttocks of an arachnid.

out of 5 Audrey II plants

Candy Potion Powders Party Pack

At first glance, these Candy Potion Powders reminded me of the Mad Lab Crazy Candy Chemistry set from last year, only the candy comes in little jars instead of test tubes and there's less candy this time. I prefer the test tubes over the more cutesy looking jars, but the good news is that the stuff tastes good. For those of you who like Lik-M-Aid Fun Dip, these candy potion powders are pretty much just like that stuff. Crushed Toads is apple, Potion #13 is Orange, and Eye of Newt is Grape. Only thing these are missing are the candy chalk pieces, which were always my favorite parts of the Fun Dip packs.

out of 5 jack-o-lanterns

Oh but there's more!
CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE TO
PAGE 4 OF THE CANDIES!

 

Reader Comments

Space Cowboy
Oct 30th, 2008, 06:56 AM
I can't even begin to guess why Target never embraced Domo-Kun themed candy before.
Forum Virgin
Oct 30th, 2008, 07:59 AM
Great review, I look forward to this review and thank you for sacrificing your guts to this cause. Have you thought about going to that japanese store and seeing if they have any Halloween candies that may blow our minds? Just a thought, keep up the great work!
That damn kid
Oct 30th, 2008, 08:02 AM
All of the candy that was caramel or pumpkin looked like light colored poo, now I cant finish my toast! Although I guess thats the trick part of halloween.

kickass guide
lurking on the walls
Oct 30th, 2008, 10:35 AM
the "coral snake" is a harmless snake, that's true, but it's only a coral snake if the colors red and black are touching, otherwise, you have a poisonous snake there
Punk Rock Hamster
Oct 30th, 2008, 11:02 AM
Mmmmm, candy. A lot of the Domo Kun candy sounds about as good as you'd think it would be by looking at it, never understood the lure of sugar coated marshmallow candy. Those Chewy Nerds are the best, they sell individual size bags of assorted flavors, too. As a side note, does anyone know if 7-11 has a Halloween Slurpee this year? The last time I was in there the only new flavor I saw was the Slurp-achino, which did look kinda scary, but more ewww-scary than halloween-scary.
teacup of sunshine
Oct 30th, 2008, 12:31 PM
but coral snakes aren't harmless at all They don't bite unprovoked, sure, but they can get in a hell of a neurotoxic wallop.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coral_snake
What Video Games?
Oct 30th, 2008, 01:14 PM
Brilliant response for the boogers that got a one out of five.

I always love reading these. I give it five diabetics out of five.
Reeks of awesomeness...
Oct 30th, 2008, 02:45 PM
If you're looking for the Candy Corn flavored Hershey's Kisses, Wal-Mart sells them for about $2.00 a bag.
A person.
Oct 30th, 2008, 04:11 PM
"Chef Ghoulicious Box Of Boogers"

a?
Forum Virgin
Oct 30th, 2008, 05:00 PM
what's that yellow thing on the slide suppose to be it looks like the walmart mascot taking a shit.
Ninja Meatloaf Fox
Oct 30th, 2008, 07:39 PM
Actually its the milk snake that looks similair and is harmless. also the chocolate domo puzzle is surprisingly terrible.
Member
Oct 30th, 2008, 08:13 PM
I need a candy fan, it's still over 90 degrees in San Diego... ='(

Also, I require that ALL of my treats boo with "TUDE!"
Forum Virgin
Oct 30th, 2008, 09:31 PM
Quote:
the "coral snake" is a harmless snake, that's true, but it's only a coral snake if the colors red and black are touching, otherwise, you have a poisonous snake there
The CORAL snake is venomous, the KING snake is harmless.
Remember, RED and YELLOW kills a fellow, RED and BLACK- venom lacks.

http://www.southalley.com/snakes_redyel.html
Filthy Hirate Pooker
Oct 30th, 2008, 10:48 PM
Hurrah! I've been waiting so long for this. The 'mini' reviews that Zombie Reporting Center were doing just were not cutting it for me Gotta be the i-mockery candy review or nothing at all. :D
Forum Virgin
Oct 30th, 2008, 11:41 PM
What the hell - who let the herpetologists' club in here? If the package sez its a coral snake, then its a coral snake, dammit! And a fine looking specimen it is!
good fer what ails ye.
Oct 31st, 2008, 12:44 AM
By God,....I need Domo mini figures!
Fake Shemp
Oct 31st, 2008, 01:04 AM
I wish I had teeth...
Member
Oct 31st, 2008, 04:03 AM
Aura Fox is right, as the milk snake greatly resembles a coral snake, but is actually non-poisonous.

Nice guide, -RoG-.
Forum Virgin
Oct 31st, 2008, 01:40 PM
Rog, you are an icon, as fundamental to my halloween as Treehouse of Horror and The Great Pumpkin. Of course my main reason in registering today was to say that New World Coral snakes are extremely venomous but now see that I have been beaten to the "geeky herpetologist" punch. Dammit. Ah well, have loved your stuff for years now, especially the Halloween entries.
Member
Oct 31st, 2008, 02:59 PM
Happy Halloween everyone!

Answering the question: "What will you do when the green rush comes over you?"

Hulk Smash!

Fire Bad!

Ba Buh BA Nah Nu Nah! (Dragonzord activate tune.)


Now if you'll excuse me I just made a Mighty Morphin Power Rangers reference, and therefore I have to go kill myself.
Freak Power
Oct 31st, 2008, 05:35 PM
Hell... diabetic coma anyone? Nicely done RoG... hows the old Blood Sugar count?
Costume Junkie
Oct 31st, 2008, 06:11 PM
The Candy Corn Kisses did make a comeback, though I haven't yet seen the Pumpkin Spice.

One you managed to miss was the Caramel Apple Kisses, which I passed out at a recent party. One comment recieved was that it 'tastes like green apple and GOD'.
Bustin makes me feel good
Oct 31st, 2008, 07:51 PM
I haven't given out candy on Halloween for close to 10 years. This year, I decided to be a good neighbor and give out LOADS of candy. Alas, all the candy I bought to give out was eaten...by me. Apparently, I have NO willpower.
pickled
Nov 1st, 2008, 09:08 PM
Most of this stuff seemed really gross.
Sympathizes with the foo'
Nov 3rd, 2008, 04:30 PM
"Creepy Beakers?" Oh well, I guess "Eerie Erlenmeyers" just doesn't have the same punch.
Basement Monkey
Nov 3rd, 2008, 08:38 PM
Just picked up the Christmas edition of the giant nerds and they are just as good.
Member
Sep 16th, 2010, 02:07 AM
I love the chocolate Skittles. No accounting for taste I guess.

Click here to return to the Features homepage