|
THE
OTHER ENTRIES:
Warning:
Some of these REALLY sucked. That's why they didn't win.
Name:........... chicKEnLimbs
E-Mail:......... shabang_17@yahoo.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1. Don't buy freeze-dried Tuna.
2. Try to ignore Andy Dick.
3. Murder Boy Band Members.
4. Commit adultry, only if you're a president.
5. Don't put Ranch Dressing on your pizza.
6. Destroy any PT Cruisers.
7. Be a LOVER not a HATER- Flower Power...
8. Do not go to Idaho.
9. Laugh at cheerleaders.
10. Visit I-Mockery.com
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Name:........... Ryan
E-Mail:......... ryan_pres_2000@hotmail.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
thou shalt not eat beans in the presence of others.
If thine is a man. Thou shalt never wear a speedo.
If thine is an atractive woman. Thou shalt only wear speedos.
Thou shalt not think that by speaking loudly and slowly that thine is fluant in
forgen languages.
Thou shalt no posses a mowhawk for any reason.
Thou shalt not posses a trained monkey unless thine has enough for everyone.
Though shalt not sit in any row but the back in a theater. If thine has a
overlarge head.
Thou shalt not fart in an elevator.
Thou shalt not wear a large tiger skin suit (bright orange) and a slug on thines
head.
Thou shalt not correct my spelling.
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Name:........... tristan bullington
E-Mail:......... evolvingtristan@hotmail.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1. I am the one true god, although I will give no proof nor will I write
anything in an easy to understand manner.
2. Don't use my name in vain or else I will kill you.
3. You must love me, but you can't make any statues of me, or pictures or any of
that shit. Those little plastic jesus' for your car, or jesus fish are ok
though.
4. Sit around on your fat ass on Sunday. Having fun for more than one day on
the weekend is a hell worthy sin.
5. Honour your parents even if they force you to believe in some stupid religion
and ruin your sunday every single day until you go off to college.
6. Don't kill anyone. The parts in the bible where I do it are ok. The parts
where I tell people are ok as well. And the eye for an eye thing makes killing
ok as well. So basiclly unless someone is perfect don't kill them. Otherwise
have at it.
7. No adultery. Concubines were ok for everyone else in the bible, but for you no.
8. No stealing, unless its from a a nonbeliever.
9. No lying.
10. Don't want anything.
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Name:........... tristan bullington
E-Mail:......... evolvingtristan@hotmail.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1. othergods.bad = true
2. godsnameinvain.bad = true
3. idol.bad = true
4. sunday.important = true
5. parents.special = true
6. murder.bad = true
7. lotsofbitches.bad = true
8. stealing.bad = true
9. falsewitnessing.bad = true
10. coveting.bad = true
===============================
Name:........... tristan bullington
E-Mail:......... evolvingtristan@hotmail.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1. Hey I be the only god you best be giving me your props, foo.
2. You best not be disrespecting mee beotch.
3. You be making idols or other whack shit o that nature I gonna have to
represent on your ass.
4. No bitches on sunday.
5. You best be respecting yo' pa and ma. (unless you don't know your real
father.)
6. Yo' you best not be caping any brothers.
7. Limit of 5 bitches.
8. 5 finger discount, limited to 5 items. The rest you best be paying for.
9. When yous be in court you best remember that in prison unless you have 2
touches. Make someone your bitch, or become someones bitch. Think about that
when you be testifying.
10. You best not be wanting your brothers shit. Just take it.
Name:........... Alex Cook
E-Mail:......... breehound@yahoo.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
These arn't how i want people to live, it's how they are living right now.
The USA commandments
1 Thou shalt have no other god but commerciallizm and gavernment
2 make nothing for thyself
3 Take not the name of a store or brand in vain
4 Take the weekend days and keep them work free
5 Rebell aginst thy father and mother
6 thou shalt releive thy needs with office secritarys
7 join the army--kill the infidel
8 thou shalt always try to get more than is your due
9 When wishing for a higher position thou shalt slander and mudsling
10 Thou shalt always covet good faver, for popularity is next to godliness!!
damn you all!!!
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Name:........... Blackjack
E-Mail:......... Blackjack@i-mockery.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
Blackjack`s I-mockery commandments:
"And God did descent upon this Earth, and in his infinite wisdom did pass onto
the mortal inhabitants of the realm of I-mockery.com with 10 simple rules with
which to live by:
1 - Thou shalt not post spam on the message boards. That goes for you too,
Wreck!!! Big scary pictures in your signiture should also be avoided.
2 - Thou shalt not attempt to shrug off thine newbie beatdown. It`s gonna be
months of hell, mate.
3 - Thou shalt not show disrespect to any fellow I-mocker. "Do unto others", as
it were. Chagroth and the Kapn don`t count.
4 - Thou shalt not speak like a Raver, nor act like a Raver, nor post like a
Raver. FAGETS!!!
5 - Honour thine Webmaster and thy Web Staff. But don`t expect any love in
return.
6 - Thou shalt not fail to respect thy pickle hat as supreme head gear of the
Church of I-mockery.
7 - Thou shalt not create Graven toys. I mean, the Mad Professer Monster Lab was
ok, but Boley - your Hitlerific racing game MUST BE DESTROYED, YOU SICK
FUCKS!!!!
8 - Thou shalt not post anything but the puritan writings of the Cowboy Song
within the Cowboy Song thread. Anything else should be considered heresy.
9 - Thou shalt not commit the act of trying to out-post Achimp, for as it is
written "Achimp makes the best posts." While we`re at it, don`t forget to make
your contribution to turning the oceans to jizz too.
10 - It was inevitable. When all else fails, do not forget Zod is your master.
KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!!!
And now for that last, timeless, insoluable cosmic question:
Just what would Jesus do if you kicked him in the nuts?
===============================
Name:........... Blackjack
E-Mail:......... Blackjack@i-mockery.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
Blackjack`s Student 10 Commandments:
"And God did descent upon this cursed Earth, and in his infinite wisdom did
grant thine mortal inhabitants with the following rules of life under university
teachings"
1 - Thou shalt not wear thine underpants for less than three consecutive days of
our lord, no matter how itchy they get.
2 - Thou shalt not steal the beer of thine neighbour. Shoes are a different
matter entirely!
3 - Thou shalt not sleep for more than five hours upon any weeknight, though at
weekends anything goes
4 - Thou shalt not ditch lectures (except French, obviously)
5 - Thou shalt not dispose of mouldy bread of our lord when said mould can be
merely scraped off, leaving a fairly edible comestible.
6 - Honour thine Dean and thine Professor. But only if you really, really want
to.
7 - Thou shalt not use the university network to download vast amounts of
gratuitous pornography. But if you do, make sure to use a fake username.
8 - Thou shalt not commit adultery. At least, not in public. Oh alright then, if
you must... Well, I tried.
9 - Thou shalt not pass up the chance of stealing traffic cones, shopping
trolleys, or the letter T out of the "Boots" sign on the way home from the pub.
10 - Thou shalt not create Graven images of.. er. Oh fuck that, you`re a student
for Christ`s sake. Party party party!!!
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Name:........... Daniel
E-Mail:......... daniel@onenapkin.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1)Thou shalt not have any Domains before me
2)Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven site
3)Thou shalt not type thy screen name in vain
4)Honour thy slow time of the net
5)Honour thy web domain and server
6)Thou shalt not send virus's
7)Thou shalt not have more then one web site
8)Thou shalt not right click, save picture as...
9)Thou shalt not lie about thy age on aim
10)Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors web site
===============================
Name:............ Arthemis
Email:........... t42@netcabo.pt
^_^ helloe again.... i apologize to have sent this here entry again.... but i
really needed to make sure you got it...
*wind*
*clouds*
*darkness*
*rain*
*lightning*
*thunders*
*insanity*
I AM THE MIGHTY SUPER-EXISTENCE!!!!!!!!
background voice: "Hello there, I am..."
No!!! I did not ask for you to introduce yourself, I know everything, I am God
background voice: "Wait a minute...you're telling me there is a God?!?"
ARGH! JUST SHUT UP!!! Damn this low-life ignorant fools...
(mumble mumble)
Now listen to me!!!!!
You foolish mortals shall hear each one of my 10 rules
And shall turn them into your LAW!!!!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(whispering: or you can just ignore me and pretend there is no god...or better
yet, join the path of Buddha, or any other of the "lesser" religions that don't
adore the greater entity known simply as "me")
SO!!! Without further interruption, I shall carry on the sentence of
Your Ten Eternal Rules!!!
err, wait a minute, that sounds crappy...
(mumble mumble)
...Your 10 'ternal commandments!!!!!!
(much better)
HERE ARE MY 10 COMMANDMENTS:
1st - Remember that there is no other god, there is no god, other than "me".
How do you know that? Don't worry 'bout that fer now - I have written this here
book;
*hands the book over to you*
2nd - And thou shall keep it for the upcoming generations!!!
Yeh, sure, it may not look like a big deal now, but it will be later...
You see, there will be a time when no one will be able to remember when and how
this here book came to existence,
so they wont be able to proof if what's written in it is
true................ or false
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
It is the vessel of my absolute wisdom in your world
I, the mighty god, shall call it "Byeble"
3rd - You shall not tell others about your personal discoveries... thou shall
report the unholy illusions to your nearest priest (see 4th commandment).
Remember:
a.. Everything is explainable. <- truth
b.. Everything is already explained. <- truth
c.. Everything is to be explained through "me". <- absolute truth!!!
4th - I shall create an institution, called "the chearch".
The purpose: I will make them think they are my ever present presence in your
miserable little planet.
You are to give to them all of your being, and blindly believe in what they
say....
And don't forget to give monetary compensation for their trouble in "guiding
you".
They will have to guess what I want for most of the time, because I'm a very
busy god.
"We do not think about what god wants, we guess it"
shall be "the chearch" 's moto
5th - Ah! Since we are half way through, we* shall make a celebration
commandment...
- Thou shall take one day for every 7 days off. Why? To get more people in "the
chearch", that's why.
Sunday, will be the name of it.
Why, you ask again? Simple, 'cause for your pitiful mortal perception, only
something like the sun is comparable to "me", so it is only fair that the day
dedicated to "me" is called Sunday.
Besides, Meday wouldn't look so well between Monday and Saturday
we* <- refers to: I'm everything so I can refer to myself as "we" if I feel like
it, oh, but you may continue to refer to me as "me", don't worry
6th - You shall not make images of your brilliant and gorgeous and superb and
(place a lot of adulation adjectives here) and intelligent, and most powerful
than all God...
"Me" is omnipresent, so there is no need for it...
And don't forget, I'm also omniscient, so if you make a statue of me, I'll know
about it even before you actually start making it.
(the real reason? well... I just think you low forms of life do not have enough
talent to make something that looks even a bit like the gorgeous "me"... you
people are crappy in everything you do, let's face it!)
7th - Oh!!!!! the seventh commandment...Seven, the absolute number: Yes!!!!!!
This is going to be the one about "Me"
(like the other ones weren't, hehehe)
I am a simple and peaceful God,
I am even incapable of hurting a fly, really!
I respect my people, and ask nothing of them...
Except, of course, this tiny little list that I'm putting here
background voice: "Huh?!?!? What list?!?!? Where is it?!?!"
*god zaps the no_brain_background_voice with a mighty, divine lightning bolt...*
That's right...I forgot to actually tell you idiots what is the 7th commandment:
"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth
and remove all doubt."
8th - Hmmm, I'm running out of imagination and "me" is tired of making
commandments...
Hmmmmm? Wait a minute... I had a brilliant idea:
*god zaps the humans memory with the Men in Black thing-a-ma-bob*
There is no number 8!!!
Hate is a bad feeling!
Eight is a bad number!
There is no number 8!!!
*background voice's brother:
"Huh? I'm a little confused, if there is no number 8, there is no 8th
commandment, so...how do we know there is no number 8?"
You don't! Just shut up and believe blindly in what I say...and plz...remember
the "shut up" part.
9th - And now for commandment numba 9!!! You shall...err, hang on a minute...
Damn! The god supervision department is trying to say something...
Oh... They're saying that I have to include a commandment that's actually
rightful or I'll loose my god-license...
Hmmmm, let me think....
I'll try to make it confusing, so you won't take any benefit from it....
Oh yeah, I know...
"Thou shall not kill!!!!"
Yes, there is no reason to kill... just remember this rule, and you'll never
kill any human:
Never ascribe anything to malice that can adequately be explained by stupidity.
Yes, just like the Einstein dude said:
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not so
sure about the first." (notice that both phrases contain the word "stupidity")
Between: The Einstein person was not very bright dude, he forgot to refer "me"
10th - Okay, so we finally got to the final commandment...
By now the mighty god "me" is pretty tired of thinking about this here universal
rules... so I'll just copy-paste a Japanese proverb instead:
The last commandment, is far superior to all the others, it represents the truth
behind this whole text:
*lightning & thunders*
"If you believe in all you read, better not to read at all."
Sorry to have messed up your tiny little mortal mind with this last commandment
*the mighty god starts fading away*
Adios inferior fools
*everything returns to normal*
background voice's brother: "What the heck was that?"
background voice's cousin: "Hell if I know, let's just forget we ever saw it."
background voice's brother: "Yeah, I don't want no god telling me what to
do...besides, I really like number 8."
End
Name:........... Biscuithead
E-Mail:......... dreamside@godreamside.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1) Honor me, for I am your daddy, bitch!
2) Thou shalt give thy props to God, for he will smite your unworthy ass if you
piss him off.
3) Honor your mother and father, for they are the ones that will bail your
stoned ass out at three in the morning before you get butt-raped by someone
named 'Lavender' or 'Caligula Jones'.
4) Thou shalt not have sex in the Champaign Room.
5) Thou shalt not kick the bowl unless thou are willing to pack it again.
6) Thou shalt not put hos before bros, even if she's willing to give up the
butt.
7) Thou shalt not cockblock your bros, for they will do onto you as you have
done onto them.
8) Thou shalt not drop a dime on your boys, even if he cockblocked you on your
way to getting a ho's butt.
9) Thou shalt avoid the crack pipe, the crack ho, the pigeon, and the
chickenhead, for these surely are the road to Hell.
10) Thou shalt not believe the hype, for it is a sequel.
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Name:........... Alex W.
E-Mail:......... ocmdi@msn.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1. Thou shalt shove many a highly mutated porcupine up thou's own asshole until
it merges with thou's own body and begins taking over the world with its
super-freaky freakish powers.
2. Thou shalt look-a-like-a-man!
3. Thou shalt give anal sex to candy.
4. Thou shalt buy many a small plastic skeleton and name them Gandhi.
5. Thou shalt disregard comandment number 6.
6. Thou shalt always obey comandment number 5.
7. Thou shalt masturbate by use of rubber bands, peanut butter, and action
figures of Barny.
8. Thou shalt take over the world with the aforementioned Gandhi skeletons.
9. Thou shalt convert to the buddhist faith, for it is the correct religion!
10. Thou shalt never read these 10 comandmants!
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Name:........... god via staffan mikael enbom
E-Mail:......... cybe@iki.fi
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My New 10 Commandments:
Have I not forbid you to make up own laws?
THE
12 COMMANDMENTS
(10+2)
1. YOU shall love, honour, cherish and obey the Lord your God (love, good and
truth) with ALL your heart, with ALL your mind, with all your soul and with all
your strength and Him ONLY shall you serve and OBEY, forsaking ALL others.
2. YOU shall NOT create an image or likeness of ANYTHING that is IN HEAVEN, or
on earth, or under the sea and YOU shall NOT worship or BUY such things. YOU
shall NOT bow down to them or serve them for I the "I AM" your God am a jealous
God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and
fourth generation of them that hate (or disobey) Me; and showing mercy unto
thousands of them that love (and obey) Me, and KEEP My COMMANDMENTS.
3. Honour your Father in Heaven and KEEP His COMMANDMENTS; LAWS; Statutes;
Judgements; Economic Policy; Agricultural Policy and Diet that He gave to YOU
and your Mother, the British Nation Israel, His wife (metaphorically), at Mt.
Sinai and make Him proud of YOU.
4. YOU shall NOT commit adultery, either physically, individually, or
spiritually, nationally or individually but shall be FAITHFUL to God, your word
and your spouse, also NOT committing adultery nationally by following the wrong
examples of other nations.
5. YOU shall NOT use the Lord's name, unless you are speaking to Him, or about
Him, then you will not waste His time or insult Him.
6. Love your neighbour (not physically) as much as, or more than, you love your
"Self". Then you will not do wrong, or lie, to anyone - John 15 v 13.
Do NOT desire eagerly, or touch, anything that does not belong to you. It
belongs to your neighbour, not you, and YOU must respect HIS property. Your
neighbour is the person next to you and the person on the far side of the planet
and everyone in between.
7. YOU shall NOT lie, even to your "Self".
8. Remember the Sabbath and KEEP it Holy. It is NOT wrong to do GOOD deeds on
the Sabbath. The Sabbath was made for man. Man was not made for the Sabbath.
9. YOU shall NOT steal. Neither shall you make up your own laws to enable you to
do so by deceiving people.
10. YOU shall NOT murder - kill illegally.
11. YOU shall love one another as much as I love you and in the same way -
spiritually not physically - John 15 v 13. IF you DO this, ALL men will KNOW
that you ARE my disciples and are exercising and learning "Self" discipline -
Discipleship.
12. Judge no-one, so that you will not be judged, by God, for by whatever
judgement you judge another, unjustly, you condemn yourself to the same
punishment. Judging is God's job exclusively, as He is always unbiased,
impartial, uncorruptible and just. He has given His judgements, in His Law Books
given to you at Mt. Sinai, by which He judges those who break His Laws. There
are NO other laws on this planet that are LEGAL. God has strictly FORBIDDEN man
from making up laws (Deuteronomy 4:2). God's Laws are the same for everyone. God
does NOT have separate Laws - one for the rich and another one for the poor.
H.M. GOVERNMENT
+HEALTH WARNING+
Breaking The 12 (10+2)
COMMANDments
SERIOUSLY damages YOUR health
===============================
Name:........... Bryan Ledgerwood
E-Mail:......... bryola@hotmail.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1) Thou shalt not kill. If thou musteth kill, thou shalt kill no less than 6
persons. Make your monkey ass famous, stupid.
2) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's ass, unless that sort of thing turns you
on.
3) Thou shalt not steal from me. Otherwise, go wild.
4) Thou shalt not exhibit any pay per view sporting event outside of a
residential home, especially with the purposes of finacial gain, without express
written consent from me, GOD.
5) Thou shalt follow the teachings of the new "Bible," The Worst Case Scenario
Handbook. Does the old bible tell you how to kill a croc? Didn't think so. To
gain a copy, send $25.95 plus S&H to: God, 473 Industrial Rd., London, ON.
6) Thou shalt not eat the yellow snow.
7) Thou shalt not be alarmed if I strike you down. Just repent your sins, there
is a 50-50 chance that you actually did something wrong.
8) Thou shalt participate in cannibalism. Wait! I meant NOT! DO NOT
PARTICIPATE IN CANNIBALISM! Trust me on this one, guys.
9) Thou shalt die one day. I made you fragile for a reason, so no immortality,
you! Die you puny mortals! Muahahahahaha! On a related note, the more you donate to the church, the longer you live. Remember that, fools.
And finally... (drumroll please)
COMMANDMENT NUMBER 10:
Thou shalt have fun and be merry. There is nothing more important in life.
===============================
Name:........... Jhovany Ahumada
E-Mail:......... dark_strider_678@yahoo.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
1. Thou shalt stay home and watch the super bowls on Sunday instead of spending
thou time in church.
2. Thou shalt not kill and leave a body for the police to find... hide the body
or chop it up and sell it in tacos
3. Commit lots of adultry because I am God. DO WHAT I SAY!
4. Steal if you must and those who say otherwise, I will smite!
5. Say my name in vain and you will be smited on the spot.
6. In your near-death experience, never run toward the light. It's a trick to
send you straight to the firey infernos below, a.k.a. Hell
7. Thou shalt... uh... thou shalt not get a 7th commandment because I'm tired.
Leave me alone.
8. Thou shalt not pray, I hate to be bothered during happy time.
9. Thou will live a long and prosperous life if thou were to drink beer every 3
hours.
10. Thou will know the truth of the cross in time... during my Judgement Day!
Muahahahah!!
===============================
Name:........... Chris Chesonis
E-Mail:......... dangerm@aol.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
1. everybody should kill something
2. nobody is smart
3. every person on earth is fucked up
4. everyman should stay home on sunday and watch the superbowl
5. if one kills they shall not leave the body u should hide it dumbass
6. you shall not learn in school sleep is the answer
7. adultry is good for the human mind
8. if you cusse at your teacher you will be granted with a reward that is fucked up.
9. You shall go out side and yell comnunism and get your ass shot at.
10. When you die you shall not go torwds the light or you shell burn in hell for
all internity
===============================
Name:........... Greg
E-Mail:......... gmelnyk@uiuc.edu
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
1) Worship me dammit! I'm mighty and such. Don't make me smite you.
2) Gimme money. Since money is the root of all evil and you don't have any, you
can be worry free.
3) Screw the wine. Drink vodka. It's quicker.
4) Fight the man.
5) You've heard an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth? Do that again. It
was pretty amusing.
6) Stop Oprah. Now.
7) Thou shalt not vote Republican.
8) No more sporks. Those things are unnatural!
9) Stop asking why bad things happen to good people. Shit happens. Get used to
it. No one's perfect.
10) No more wacko television preachers. They're really just schizos. I'm not
talking to them. That is all
===============================
Name:........... Dan
E-Mail:......... yz80754@aol.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
#1 Love only your girl friend.
#2 You may worship only your money.
#3 Own only one pet.
#4 Do not sleep with more then 3 people at a time.
#5 This contest is a waste i better win.
#6 I love chocolate.
#7 No one can eat chocolate unless they are married.
#8 I am me.
#9 Money is green.
#10 I'm finally done i better win. Oh yea baby
===============================
Name:........... Jeff McKnight
E-Mail:......... jeffmcknight@minorthreat.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
1. Thou shall listen to Slayer and only Slayer
2. Thou shall not watch Friends
3. Thou shall visit I-Mockery at least once a day
4. Thou shall always wipe thy ass at least twice after shitting
5. Thou shall have sex with thy neighbor if thy neighbor is very sexy
6. Thou shall not go to church
7. Thou shall spend ever Friday night getting wasted then trying to eat thy
weight in Godfather's pizza
8. Thou shall all cloth thy head with a pickle
9. Thou shall kill thy neighbor if thy neighbor is any of the following: A Nazi,
a Xian, or a boy band member
10. Thou shall not fuck with me, because I shall rip thy head off and skull
fuck thy eye socket
===============================
Name:........... Bart
E-Mail:......... overbane@hotmail.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
1)thou shall do all i say
2)thou shall have naked thursdays
3)thou shall make fun of the Netherlands
4)thou shall not watch full house for it is the tool of the devil
5)thou shall only make statues of me anatomicly correct (godlyXXXXXXL)
6)thou shall love thy neighbours wife as you would love your own wife
7)long time borrowing for years is not stealling
8)thou shall not listen to your parents cause i am the one who gave you life
9)thou shall not do what thou would do when i forbid thou to not do what thou
would do if I would not forbid thou to do
10)thou shall go to church and donate all your money to me
===============================
Name:........... Scott Parker
E-Mail:......... kdmlstr@excite.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
TEN COMMANDMENTS
1: I DON’T EXIST, SO QUIT WORSHIPPING ME!!!
2: unnecessary
3: unnecessary
4: unnecessary
5: unnecessary
6: unnecessary
7: unnecessary
8: Eat a bug
9: unnecessary
10: unnecessary
===============================
Name:........... Psycho Moser
E-Mail:......... sykoheadbanger@aol.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
1. Thou shalt not steal planes and crash them. For the Americans will find you
and fuck you up the ass without any K-y.
2. For now on ignorance/stupidity will be painful. Thats why women get so many
headaches.
3. Thou shalt not lie to protect someones feelings. fuck em'
4. STD's came from YOUR GOD. if you can't put on a condom, you just might die
like the dumb fuck you are.
5. All bible's shalt be burned, for they are not the origonal's nor have the
complete books. The catholic's fucked it up in the beginning.
6. If thou art fat, thou shalt get diabetes. For fat people disgust me.
7. Thou shalt write everything phonetically. the english language is fucked up. example: "through" what's the gh doin there?
8. All bad drivers (asians) will be ripped out of there cars, stripped of their
licences and beaten with sticks.
9. Everything with God's name must be re-writen, they heard him wrong his name
is Tod, yes Tod.
10. If something bad happens it is "Tods will. if something good happens It's
"Thank Tod". Stop asking why, if you persist read #2 again.
===============================
Name:........... Rusty Windsor
E-Mail:......... Rustox@hotmail.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
The Ten Commandments
By: God
#1: Thou shalt not take my name in vein, goddammit!
#2: Thou shalt not work, but worship me on the Sabbath day. On other day you
have to worship me anyway, but you still have to work...
#3: (For my male worshippers) Thou shalt lob the piece of skin on you wankers
off so that the perfect body I created for you in my own image will be easier to
clean. Trimming it every now and then couldn’t hurt either...
#4: Thou shalt not let your children grow up to make their own opinions. You
brainwash them to worship me, or your child and YOU will be cast into the Pits
of Hell
#5: Thou shalt not have graven images shaven into your pubic region. It’s
blasphemy!
#6: Thou shalt not commit adulteryUpdate: Thou shalt not even THINK of having sexual relations with another man’s
wife Update#2: Thou shalt not even have sex until you are wed
Update#3: Thou shalt not even think of having sex until you are wed
(More to be updated as time and people progress)
#7: Thou shalt not use the word "shalt." That’s my word, the WORD OF GOD!!!
#8: Thou shalt not listen to Heavy Metal, play AD&D, or view any kind of
pornography, as these seem to be Satan’s strongest methods of pulling my sheep
away from me...
#9: Thou shalt not destroy any person wearing or displaying any type of
Powerpuff Girl merchandise. I know you want to, but you can’t, because I’m God
and well, those little girls are just too damned cute!
#10: Thou MUST believe in my existence. I actually wrote these Commandments
onto the stone slab. Honest. Moses wasn’t hiding out spending the whole day
carving these. I wrote them with my own devine powers. I am better and
mightier than you ALL! Fear me for I will be the judge of all things! I am
God, there is no one higher...
Thank you, please drive through...
===============================
Name:........... MrCheez
E-Mail:......... a_smurphy@hotmail.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
1. Thou shalt commit adultery
2. Rape and Pillage ARE good
3. Casual sex is the greatest work of the lord
4. If god tells you to put a dollar in the box, do
5. People who carve you up on the road are liable to baseball bat injury,
vengeance from the lord
6. Guns are your right, not a privilege
7. Listen to god, unless you want to die crispy-fried
8. THOU SHALT NOT CREATE LAWYERS
9. Fun will be your religion
10. Love your neighbours, wife
===============================
Name:........... michele
E-Mail:......... freaks_rule420@hotmail.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
10. thou shall rape lil girls if your a lesbian
9. thou shall fuck goats
8. thou shall hurt ppl with metal dildos
7. thou shall fart freely
6. thou shall use knifes as barbies and dress them up
5. thou shall have lots of pickles at all times
4. thou shall worship drunk dancing lil monkey in spiderman coustums
3. thou shall steal neighbors wife
2. thou shall fling poop as much as possible
1. thou shall use date rape drug at every party
===============================
Name:........... Cris
E-Mail:......... banzooken_lb@yahoo.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
1. Thout shalln't say "thout" or thee or thy or any other of the bullshit
2. You can never, ever disobey rule #1
3. You cannot make annoying tapping noises, I dont care how bored/annoyed/or
nervous you are
4. Younger siblings must always obey the older, no questions asked
5. Try not to murder people, its just too messy
6. The following movies must be watched every Sunday in place of chruch survices
: "The Brotherhood" "Tank Girl" and all Kevin Smith movies
7. You may not convert people, for every conversion attempt x 100 equals the
number of times you must watch "Titanic" in hell
8. Selling your body for money is strictly against the rules, using your body to
get people to give you things is a o k
9. Lying and cheating is ok, lie or cheat with me and 3 very big guys will come
kick your ass
10. Nothing is against the rules unless you get caught
===============================
Name:........... Richard
E-Mail:......... hardharry@hotmail.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
1. Thou shalt smoke copious ammounts of marijuanna.
2. Thou shalt NOT steal my bitch!
3. Thou shalt make fun of arabs.
4. Thou shalt give me money for my church.
5. Thou shalt *NOT* ever ask me for advice, cause i just dont know shit.
6. Thou shalt make many statues of me!
7. Thous shalt visit www.i-mockery.com (shameless plug...)
8. Thou shalt ALWAYS use a rubber! (that is an important one)
9. Thou shalt run more competitions like this...
10. Thou shalt give me first prize.
===============================
Name:........... Jordan Ritchie
E-Mail:......... tarion@hotmail.com
===============================
Commandments:
1. Thou shalt not choke thy chicken, punch thy nun or burn thy bush
2. Thou shalt not spend more than 15% for a tip.
3. Thou shalt not watch Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.
4. Thou shalt covet thy wife unless you are into group sex.
5. Thou shalt not kill unless you have a damned good reason for it.
6. Thou shalt not do cheesy Charleton Heston impersonations while reading this.
7. Thou shalt not mix orange juice and milk.
8. Thou shalt always lather, rince, repeat.
9. Thou shalt not touch Spam, for it is unclean.
10. Thou shalt remember that shit happens.
===============================
Name:........... Linda Jonsson
E-Mail:......... silverchaze@hotmail.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
1. Thou shall not underestimate the powers of the Almighty Java Bean
2. Thou shall visit I-Mockery not less than 10 days a week
2. Thou shall not listen to N'sync nor Backstreet Boys or you will more than
definitely go straight to Homework Hell and there be punished for all eternity
by pink little Teletubbie-Devils
3. Thou shall not give money to poor people, give it to the Holy Java Bean
4. Thou shall not kill your best friends aunties grandmothers sons sisters
grandsons cat unless it ate your cellular phone while you were in the shower
4. Thou shall not drink tea or the punishment will be the same as for
commandment 2
5. Thous shall not blame me for every time your coffee doesn't taste good. it is
not my fault - it's your best friends aunties grandmothers sons sisters
grandsons cat, UNLESS he ate your cellular phone while you were in the shower.
Then it's YOUR fault
6. Thous shall obey the Almighty Java Bean and learn the Holy, VERY VERY Sacred
Java Bean War Dance
7. Thou shall not proceed with suing me for the next Holy, VERY VERY Sacred
commandment
8. Thou shall sell your best friends aunties grandmothers sons sisters grandsons
cat to a nun from Greece, unless she ate your cellular phone. Then don't sell
her the cat or the chance is you'll end up in Hollywood
9. Thou shall not go beyond the biiig hill, or you -Oh Holy Java Bean Have
Mercy!- shall end up at a famous Afghanistanian restaurant as their
'Meal-of-the-day'
10. Thou shall not SPAM or make fun of people from India
Those are the words of The Almighty and veeeery Sacred Java Bean
===============================
Name:........... Greg Schweiger
E-Mail:......... schweigg@uwplatt.edu
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
1. Thou shalt be everything to everyone.
2. Thou shalt procrastinate.
3. Thou shalt expect to be the center of attention at all times.
4. Thou shalt never summon demons.
5. Thou shalt never kill, only maim.
6. Thou shalt jump to conclusions.
7. Thou shalt be clever.
8. Thou shalt pretend intelligence, when thou cannot be clever.
9. Thou shalt not raise the dead.
10. Thou shalt be.
===============================
Name:........... Eric Stettmeier
E-Mail:......... bubbashelby@hotmail.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
Thou Shalt Not...Allow Julia Roberts to make any more films; could someone
please slap her for me?
Thou Shalt Not...Giggle when you hear the names of animals such as Titmouse,
Peacock, or Pussy Cat.
Thou Shalt Not...Play with yourself. Stop it; stop it right now! I can see
you!
Thou Shalt Not...Drink non-alcoholic beer. It’s just another form of
masturbation. See above.
Thou Shalt Not...Use leaf-blowers. Those noisy sons-of-bitches, what the Hell
is wrong with a broom?
Thou Shalt Not...Wear that shirt with those pants.
Thou Shalt Not...Derive sexual innuendo from names like Dick Butkis, Magic
Johnson, or Horatio Horn-blower.
Thou Shalt Not...Pay retail.
Thou Shalt Not...Understand what motivates people like Anne Heche.
Thou Shalt Not...Spend less than six hours in line at the DMV. Ever. No
exceptions. I don’t care if you just stepped in to use the bathroom. Six
Hours. AT LEAST.
===============================
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