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THE
OTHER ENTRIES PAGE 2:
Warning:
Some of these REALLY sucked. That's why they didn't win.
Name:........... Phil Cogar
E-Mail:......... bloodcarx@cs.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1] I am your God and I enjoy S&M.
2] Thou shalln't have any other god who enjoys S&M or any other god period or i
will kill you!
3] Don't call me a bitch or I'll go gheto on your skank ass.
4] DOn't work on Sunday, instead stayhome and do drugs. If you buy a pound of
drugs, come on baby, share the love.
5] Show your love to your parents, stick your dick in their ears.
6] Don't kill nobody unless the bitch tripped to play you out of some drugs or
fucked your woman.
7] If you're married, don't cheat on the bitch, but if she's just your
girlfriend, play the field!
8] Don't steal anything to pay for your habits! If you can't afford it, then
grow it.
9] If you're bitchy ass neighbor be bugging you, hitting on your woman, or be
stealing from you, lie and get his bitch ass thrown in jail ir killed.
Otherwise, keep the mofo safe, you might need him as an alibi.
10] DOn't steal from your neighbor either, unless the punk has severly pissed
you off, but then steal his pornos because you KNOW he ain't fucking that ugly
bitch he has for a wife.
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Name:........... Darius D Frolic
E-Mail:......... MSchafer@TravelPlanet.NL
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10. Thou shalt not bogard
09. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's mullet
08. Thou shalt not vanitize thyself
07. Thou shalt not digest
06. Thou shalt wear athletic's cups forevermore
05. Thou shalt renounce all... and then make a new selection
04. Thou shalt beforeplay warrior nuns when pleasuring one
03. Thou shalt not mock the mockingly-challenged
02. Thou shalt not beget when the begot is not to be begotten
01. Thou shalt speak and write intelligible English
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Name:........... Eric Stettmeier
E-Mail:......... bubbashelby@hotmail.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
Thou Shalt Not...have sex with your intern
Thou Shalt Not...drink cheap beer; I didn’t create the Reinheitsgebot for Shits
and Giggles.
Thou Shalt Not...drive fifty mph in the leftmost lane of the freeway, Hell if
you’re over eighty just get off the road altogether!
Thou Shalt Not...buy the whole shelf full of anything just to screw people on
e-bay
Thou Shalt Not...promise to "pull-out"; we both know you’re full of shit
Thou Shalt Not...refer to children as "stupider versions of their parents", even
if it’s true
Thou Shalt Not...listen to "smooth jazz"
Thou Shalt Not...mow your lawn before noon--some of us have a night life, thank
you very much!
Thou Shalt Not...fly an airplane into a building full of people. C’mon, this
one should be obvious.
Thou Shalt Not...believe anything anyone knocking on your door has to say about
ME; if you want ME you know where to find ME, I don’t need to come to your
stupid house.
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Name:........... Pat Cooper
E-Mail:......... snowmonkey51@yahoo.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
10) Thou shalt not do anything to piss me off.
9) Thou shalt not be suckered into using japanese pay toilets when wondering
around the streets of Tokyo drunk as Moses when he parted the Red Sea.
8) Honor thy mother and father, particularily if they buy you cool shit.
7) Thou shalt eat unhealthily, and share flatulence in exhuberant amounts.
6) Thou shalt not do anything that constitutes getting off thy couch.
5) Thou shalt commit adultry, unless the chick is an ugly fat bus station skank
whom is under the age of 10.
4) Thou shalt not allow thyself to be whipped by "the woman".
3) Thou mayest have sex whilst watching the Super Bowl, despite what your
significant other says.
2) Thou shalt not be religious...wait, that makes no sense...why are you
listening to me anyways?
1) Thou MUST become a marijuana farmer in your spare time
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Name:........... David Nicoloff
E-Mail:......... sunking78@aol.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1.Drink Beer
2. If someone buys you a beer, you must repay the favor.
3. Thou shalt not worship false idols. (ex.MTV)
4. Never strike first. Always strike last.
5. Don't be a fool, stay in school!
6. Semper fi
7. Respect the MILF
8. question authority... wait, except mine!
9. always look to the future, but always respect the past.
10. rent or new video card?... VIDEO CARD.
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Name:........... George Wallis
E-Mail:......... sadisticvegita@aol.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1. Thou shalt live life to thy max, except...
2. Thou shalt obey my every command, no matter how ridiculous it may seem.
3. Thou shalt obey thy warrior nun.
4. Thou shalt give me free money.
5. Thou shalt believe in thy eternal god, me!
6. Thou shalt not steal ... from me.
7. Thou shalt rebel against bin Laden, school, government and anything else thou
does not like until you get your way.
8. Thou shalt make sure thou art making thy world a better place by fulfilling
commandment 7.
9. Thou shalt not rebel against me!!!
10. Thou shalt, um, visit I-mockery.com every day.
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Name:........... Jens Arneson
E-Mail:......... chuck_the_plant@hotmail.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1)I am the Lord, the God, the Jesus, the Christ, the poorly animated whirlwind
shooting bolts of lightining at this mountain. Don't put any other poorly
animated whirlwinds before me or I'll get mad and smite you.
2)I don't care how cool Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's, may be, if you worship
him or any other fast-food mogul or even an image of them, I will kick your ass
verily.
3)Whatever you do, don't yell things like: "Jesus fucking Christ!" "Jesus Christ
on a cross!" "Cock-sucking Christ!" or things of that nature.
4)The Sabbath is a day you should keep holy by making sure to be drunk by noon.
5)When your parents turn 60, resist the urge to smother them with their own
wrinkly skin, I don't want them up here either.
6) Thou shalt not kill unless you think I said it's okay or if you get really,
really, really mad.
7)Do not commit adultery, unless its just a blowjob which doesn't count.
Neither does anal sex, for that matter.
8)Thou shalt not put stupid-assed beanie babies etc. in the rear window of your
piece of shit buick.
9)Thou shalt not lie, unless it's a really funny lie, or if its about how far
you actually went with that stripper last night.
10)Open doors for women.
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Name:........... Rahul Kamath
E-Mail:......... brainglaze@yahoo.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1. Thou shall not watch "infotainment"
2. Thou shall not lie with bail bondsmen.
3. Thou shall not mix fruit juices and market them as drinks that "nature never
intended."
4. Thou shall open a mini-mall
5. Thou shall obfuscate to avoid jury duty
6. Thou shall not retrofit buildings that are currently in use
7. Thou shall not drive slow when the light is green
8. Thou shall not drive slow when the light yellow
9. Thou shalt obtain a fifth grade education before ye take the office of the
presidency.
10. Thou shall use thy genitals for entertainment and excretory functions only.
No pulling rocks, playing piano, hiding coke, etc.
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Name:........... Dave Freidkin
E-Mail:......... dave@davelog.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1. I am the Lord, I do not want your money, I can make my own.
2. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord whilst He is in the tub.
3. Thou shalt not make images of thy Lord with unflattering genetalia.
4. Remember Black Sabbath, for they could hella rock.
5. Honor thy father and thy mother, for they can co-sign.
6. Thou shalt not kill, unless they really had it coming.
7. Thou shalt not admit to adultery, even under duress.
8. Thou shalt not steal, unless you are reasonably sure you can get away with
it.
9. Thou shalt not talk smack.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, for she is yeasty and will talk.
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Name:........... Theresa Rakers
E-Mail:......... evilbitch@iamwaiting.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1. Thou shalt not fuck your neighbors dog without lube.
2. Though shalt only wear leather in public.
3. Thou shalt wear your condoms while driving and your seat belts while having
sex.
4. Thou shalt respect one another beliefs no matter how crack pot they are.
5. Thou shalt stop blaming the monkeys and get to breeding.
6. Thou shalt live long and harmoniously if they have lots of sex.
7. Thou shalt not follow in the footsteps of bigotry.
8. Thou shalt not listen to the hippies because they didn't get enough drugs.
9. Thou shalt not demonize my creations. If I created it, embrace it.
10. Thou shalt not murder anyone unless you hate them and then you will be
slaughtered yourself.
So it is written. And so shall it be done.
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Name:........... Kymee
E-Mail:......... IamNeitzche@netscape.net
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My New 10 Commandments:
1. Thou shalt not live.
2. Thou shalt not live.
3. Thou shalt not live.
4. Thou shalt not live.
5. Thou shalt not live.
6. Thou shalt not live.
7. Thou shalt not live.
8. Thou shalt not live.
9. Thou shalt not live.
10. Thou shalt not live.
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Name:........... Brandon Full
E-Mail:......... cranial_kitten@hotmail.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1. All monkeys should be enslaved. Now.
2. Fuck clothes. Go naked.
3. Everyone is required to pleasure themselves in the presences of another at
least once a day.
4. Do unto others as you would like done unto you (hey, they aren't all bad)
5. The Matrix was over-advertised and not all that great. Admit it.
6. You will pamper Sean Connery for the rest of his days.
7. Don't mess with people who look different then you. They're likely to snap
and jab an icepick in your jugular.
8. Anyone who calls Blink 182 "punk" must be shot on sight.
9. If someone is younger than you and gives you lip, beat the fuck outta them.
10. Try not to get in too much trouble, alright?
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Name:........... Barry Kaufman
E-Mail:......... kaufman.122@osu.edu
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My New 10 Commandments:
10. Thou shalt not pray between the hours of 5 and 6; the Lord shall be napping.
9.Thou shalt cut that out right now lest I turn this planet right around and go
home.
8. If thou continuest to make that face, surely shall it be frozen that way.
7. No pooftas.
6.In case of global flood, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device.
5.Thou shalt not call God by his name.
4.Nor shalt thou refer to him as 'Dude' or 'Guy' or 'Buddy'.
3.Thou shalt covet thy neighbor's wife,and if she brings a friend call upon the
Lord.
2.No, I'm serious. Call upon me.
And the number one commandment is....
1.Buttafuco Buttafuco Buttafuco
Name:........... Judy Brown
E-Mail:......... slbrown34@hotmail.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1. No one should kill anyone in the name of God. Ya'll benn doing it for years
and it's got to stop. Only I may kill people.
2. Do not kill any animals or fish unless you are using them for food. I made
them first because I like them better and they deserve specail treatment.
3. Everyone should have a spell checker.
4. You should not have a sexual relationship with more than 1 person at a time
. Unless you have prior written consent first.
5. Never harm a child . It's your own fault that they were born in the first
place. Remember they will be the one placing you in nursing homes when you get
old. They will remember.
6. On holidays and sundays no one should have to work . Everyone should get to
be with family and friends. Do you really need that slurppy that bad. Remember I
said to rest on the 7 th day . Listen people .
7. Don't kill people. Just in case you didn't understand rule 1. Except is
capitol punishment which must be decided by 12 member jury of peers.
8. Internet shall be free no everyone. You don't have to pay to go to the
library. You shouldn't have to pay for online info either.
9. Legalize pot. When every one is stoned, you won't want to kill each other and
you will be a peacefull race. Think of the new foods that would be created.
Think of the space and money ya'll save on jails and cops. Everyone be happy . I
can't do anything about natural disasters so lets try to be happy the rest of
the time.
10. Since ya'l seem to trouble with this one I'll Say it agian. No hurting or
killing each other. Soft touches only except in sports. Do not assume that i
want you to kill in me name. We know what to assume means. So listen no
killing!!
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Name:........... Joel Marple
E-Mail:......... ImpactingTongue@kscable.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1) Thou shall not watch Spanish comedy.
2) However, Thou shall keep British comedy sections in your video collections, and burn all
Blockbuster Video stores which have none.
3) Thou shall not speak of Britney Spears being "the hottest chick alive".
4) And Thou shall not argue with me when I say your mom is the nicest piece of ass I've ever enjoyed.
5) Do not start wars in my name or for my cause. If I was pist, I would let you know. (Black skies, 40 day floods, Rage Against the Machine)
6) I do not give a fuck if you kill your fetus.
7) Thou shall disregard all comments made by any person with any origin or ancestry from SCOTTLAND. They are dirty wankers who are RULED BY dirty wankers.
8) Quit praying for shit you know I will never EVER give you.
9) If you are a pubescent teenager, hurry up and stop.
10) pjkarlremndufdsg/';lrgsc
11) Sorry, my cock flopped out on that last one.
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Name:........... Cameron Kushwara
E-Mail:......... BDVavoso@aol.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1. thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, unless she measures 34D-24-36, can
suck the chrome off a bumper, and can cook better than mom.
2. thou shalt steal only what thou does not already possess, including thy
neighbor's wife.
3. thou shalt not watch any television, or read any magazine or newspaper that
doesn't contain sports, pornography and or cartoons.
4. men shalt not wear white socks with black pants, brown belts with black
shoes, polka dots with plaid or women's clothing. women shalt not wear
anything, on penalty of death.
5. thou shalt not commit monogamy. any man guilty of being with only one woman
(who must be naked) will be castrated and forced to undergo a sex change
operation.
6. thou shalt not be a morally upright, gun-toting, bible-thumping,
fear-mongering, hate-spreading, self-righteous, intolerant idiot asshole fuck.
in short, thou shalt not be a Republican.
7. thou shalt not eat a balanced diet according to the FDA. greasy french fries
and fried food will be a staple of all diets, beer will be it's own food group
(good source of carbohydrates) and twinkies and hoho's will be the universal
breakfast of champions. anyone guilty of this sin will be placed in a vegan
colony for one year.
8. thou shalt not laugh at shit that is not funny. Bill Hicks is funny, Jerry
Sienfeld is not. Married with Children is funny, Home Improvement is not. the
Simpsons are funny, the Flintstones are not funny. anyone watching unfunny shit
will be rehabilitated according to Clockwork Orange.
9. thou shalt not drive under the speed limit in the fast lane. speed limits
will be raised to be a minimum of 90 miles per hour (75 in school zones) and all
cars will be equipped with lasers for community enforcement of the law. police
speed traps will now concentrate on slow drivers, and instead of tickets, the
penalty will be enforced with bazookas and hand held missles.
10. thou shalt not kill. unless the victim annoyed you, wouldn't let you covet
his wife, is a Republican, drove below the speed limit, talked during a movie,
has eleven items in the express lane (ten items) of the supermarket, people who
tip under 15%, or anyone from California. on second thought, if thou shalt kill,
thou better not get caught.
11. the eleventh commandment, lost when the server crashed because a tech nerd
was downloading gay bestiality porn: thou shalt not be a dick.
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Name:........... Ben V
E-Mail:......... ben360d@hotmail.com
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My name is Ben ... and here are the real words to live by:
1. Thou shalt never use the phrase "thou shalt" again
2. You may hate everyone ... that's right ... even jehovah witnesses.
3. You must realize that one day you will fall asleep forever and not go to
heaven, not get your cake, and not eat it too ... with extra strawberries.
4. If it's possible to do something that affects only you, no matter what it
is, ... there's nothing wrong with it.
5. Do onto others as you would want them to do to you. Yes, that means feel
up every good looking woman you see ... ten times. No eleven.
6. There is no "believe" ... only "no". That's right ... no as in NO.
7. Jesus was once a real man, but then he died ... just like you will. Are
you jesus then? No. Remember that.
8. If abortion is murder, then the use of condoms is murder. You are restricting
the possibility of life. So don't jerk off then I suppose! Oh, it's a sin
too .. right?
9. Live every day as if it were your last ... in a hospital bed with tubes
sticking out of every hole in your body. NOT! Who the heck made up that
stupid saying? It should be live every day as if it were the best day of
your life! That's more like it.
10. A religion that cannot be proven cannot be trusted.
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Name:........... Brian DeCosse
E-Mail:......... homelessbrian@home.com
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1. You should not be worshiping any of those Middle Eastern gods.
2. You should definitely not stare at hookers or allow them to serve you.
3. If you say "God damnit" one more time, I'll make sure you really have a
reason to say it. Its not my fault your girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with you,
so don't blame me!
4. You best remember to call into work sick on Sundays.
5. Make sure you buy plenty of Hallmark cards on Mother and Father's day.
6. You better not bust a cap on any homies, and you better not have someone hit
you in the stomach and kill your baby.
7. Make sure that when you are cheating on your wife/husband that the door is
locked.
8. This one really gets me. For goodness sakes, if you are going to steal, at
least don't be so obvious!
9. Don't lie to your homies, if you are going to tell them something, don't
wait until you have to go on Springer.
10. Look, if you are really that horny; please do not resort to your neighbor's
ox, his ass, or anything of the neighbors for that matter.
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Name:........... Joel Marple
E-Mail:......... ImpactingTongue@kscable.com
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The Ten Commandments. -By God (Your Daddy)
Which means I hit up on that ugly rug you call a mom.
1) Thou shall not wear tube socks with flip flops.
2) Thou shall not become a Trekkie.
3) Thou shall not become a Trekkie.
4) Thou shall watch Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels everyday and worship it only second to me. (Your Daddy)
5) Thou shall not smoke my reefer. I put it here for myself. Not to "enlighten" you. It is the True Tree of Knowledge.
6) Dicks are for chicks.
7) But snatch is for all to enjoy.
8) Barbara Streisand is the devil.
9) Nair-ing your mates genetalia is not recommended, unless you are a sadist.
10) Thou shall not "boink" without prior consent from me (Your Daddy), because I hate sloppy seconds.
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Name:........... Kevin Gennuso
E-Mail:......... alcohh660@earthlink.net
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My New 10 Commandments:
1..there will be no God before me...unless it's Bill Gates
2..do not covet thy neighbor's wife..unless he's away on business, and she's lookin' hotter than a motherfucker watering the flowers
3..thou shall not kill..unless it's that piece of shit osama bin Laden..I knew I fucked up when he slipped out.
4..thou shall not commit adultery..see #2
5..thou shall not use my name in vain..unless you're hitting some mighty fine poon,and the ole' "Goddamn this is good pussy" comes out, followed by a thunderous slap on that ass!!!
6..thou shall not have sex with animals..unless you pay the mexican girl in Tijuana $5 to do the "DONKEY SHOW"
7..thou shall not steal..see rule 1 Bill Gates Piracy laws
8..thou shall tell the Taliban to go fuck themselves...by writing the message on the bombs to be dropped on 'em
9..thou shall tell the IRS to suck it...they were created in the same frying pan as the Taliban
10..Thou shall pay homage DAILY to the only holier thing than myself...I-MOCKERY.COM!!!!!!!!!!!
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Name:........... Patrick Augustine
E-Mail:......... PeanutPat1@aol.com
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1. Thou Shalt Not Carve Graven Images (We have to keep all those graven
images carvers in line ya' know)
2. Thou shalt use reccomended bleach.
3. Thou shalt not do the hustle.
4. Thou shalt not hock a loogie on the bible.
5. Thou shalt also not wipe one's ass with the pages.
6. There is no commandment six, what? The Python reference's been done?
Shit....Thou Shalt refer to the act of copulation as "driving an airplane
through the twin towers."
7. Thou shalt not taunt the wee people.
8. Thou shalt keep the Sabath Day Holy, but since it may be any of a number
of days, just take them all off. Not like it'l matter in the afterlife
maaaaan.
9. Thou shalt never make a joke in which the punchline is "Rectum? Damn near
killed him!"
10. Thou shalt not intentionally run over Puppies.
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Name:........... Jon Mendenhall
E-Mail:......... phreak5k@hotmail.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1)Thou shall not say the word "Ni" to weary travelers or old women.
2)Thou shall spank thy monkey until there is no monkey or till all you see is cats repeating "All Your Base Are Belong to us"
3)Thall shall aknowledge that Bill Gates is thy equall. Therefore he's a dick too.
4)Thou shallt kill kenny.
5)Size does matter, sorry.
6)Women do have brains, sorry. WAIT!!! WHERE THE FUCK IS THE BACKSPACE?!?!?!
7)I'm not responsible for Boy Bands.
8)Thou shall acknowledge Bruce Campbell as the biggest, baddest, son-of-a-bitch this side of the universe.
9)Power is given to the people...what?....I'm sorry but we are now under the employment of Coca-Cola. Enjoy the great refreshing taste of Coca-Cola.. (Ding)(Ding)"Always Coca-Cola"
10)"Next of Montel:"I'm telling you that's not my child. He doesn't even look like me. He's just a thin hippie with a abs of steel. If I were going to have a child don't you think he would fly of go through walls or at least piss 20 feet in te air?"
===============================
Name:........... David DiLorenzo
E-Mail:......... hybridsyndrome@aol.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1) Don't you little bastards worship anyone but Me unless you want an ass
whooping
2) I don't want to hear my name unless it's being called out during a hot bang
session
3) No one understands this one, so lets keep it simple: Don't worship nothing
but me, and maybe my kid
4) Sabath day shmabbath day, remember Superbowl Sunday
5) Trust me on this: suck up to your parents; if you don't, they'll usually make
life difficult for you. Play it cool 'till they're old, then you can get power
of attorney and keep 'em in a crappy home somewhere
6) Look, do me a favor and don't kill anyone. There's anough paperwork around
here with people dying naturally, I don't need the added complication of sorting
out the other crap
7) Look, cheating leads to trouble with your spouse. If you don't want to sleep
on the couch, don't sleep around
8) Don't steal shit. You get caught and then I HAVE to take notice. Which means
more paperwork. And I HATE paperwork. I will screw you over and make your life a
living hell
9) Don't lie about people, some of the angels are rather slow, and it takes me a
long time to set them straight
10) Don't go after married women. Things get really complicated for everyone,
and no one wants that
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Name:........... NarKotiX
E-Mail:......... ik0ris@aol.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
THE TIZEN COMMANDMENTS!!!!!!!!!
1. My dawgs shalt worship ME the G - O - double D and not Windows ME, or may all
your trips to the information super highway end in 404s!
2. My females shalt not wear granny panties, strictly THONGS, unless your
weighing scales read "One At A Time Please".
3. My peeps shalt not be 1 minute men, unless you are part of the continental
militia.
4. My playas shalt not wear mullets... What more can I say?
5. My homies shalt have different hoes in different area codes, not in different
zip codes.
6. My dawgs shalt not cut coke with baking powder, but rather with baking soda.
7. My peeps shalt not put Type R stickers on their Integras if they are truly
not Type R, or may forever you run 50 second 1/4 mile times. The same goes to
people with VTEC stickers and no VTEC engine.
8. My peoples shalt not slap music sharing service and software providers with
million dollar lawsuits, or may your music suck even more than it already did
Metallica... I mean... Anonymous people who would break this Commandment...
9. My home boyz shalt not listen to The Backstreet Boys, or will you forever
burn in hell for all eternity and have to take baths in hot tubs of diarhea, and
then have your balls shrink... Yeah...
10. And finally but most important peeps shalt not crash planes into buildings
in my friggin name, or may military super powers invade you and your country
with millions of ground troops with M16s and grenades!
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name:........... Sezeroth
E-Mail:......... jasonphasey@hotmail.com
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My New 10 Commandments:
1.Thou shall not fart in the contest rules page.
2.Thou shall not eat mustard on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
3.Thou shall not hunt bunnies with chainsaws.
4.Thou shall eat the brains of a bunny you killed with a chainsaw for breakfast
every morning.
5.Thou shall not annoy me by praying every night, otherways I'll stomp you into
the ground.
6.Thou shall not become a l33t haX0r.
7.Thou shall watch the show "Seventh Heaven" every night untill your spleen
ruptures and your eyes and ears begin to bleed.
8.Thou shall publish the book that this is in every form possible so it can
become a best seller.
9.Thou shall burn your fingers and toes off at least once during your lifetime.
10.Thou shall eat raw Spam untill your arteries shoot out of you.
===============================
Name:........... Brian
E-Mail:......... Shermanator82@hotmail.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
And as Moses went to the top of Mt. Sinus, the Lord spoke:
1) Thou shalt not worship any Gods other than
me under the context that you are giving money
to their institution other than the one your
minister instructs you to.
2) If thou art a woman and attractive,
thou shalt not cock tease a man without
giving into him at the end.
3) Thou shalt honor the demands and wishes
of thy Priest and Choir director, especially
after hours and if cookies are offered
as a reward. Blowing the magical Skin
Flute of thy director is a blessing and ritual
as much as the blowing of the Shofar.
4) Thou shalt suck thy woman off to orgasm
before entering her box of procreation.
5) Thou shalt not stick thy love rod
in orifices other than human. Except
if thou liveth in the American south.
(Later Translation to Commandment #5:
Thou Shalt not substitute thy Woman for
a sheep.)
6) Thou shalt not farteth in public without
an open window, or some means of letting
thy gas escapeth.
7) When thou shitteth, thou must make
sure that if flushes properly before
thy roommate enters and sees thine
suprise ye have left for him.
8) Thou shalt not masturbate in public,
unless on extreme dare or initation
to fraternity. Women, however, are excempt
from this condition, and attractive ones
are encouraged for the sake of portraying
their divine gift from God.
9)Thou shalt not bogard thy friend's Dubie,
or snorteth the entire line without
giving a turn to his neighbor.
10) Thou shalt not refrain from brutally
massacring religious missionaries that
are preaching in an already saturated
yet rich ($60,000 +) community. Thou shalt
remove the screws of their bicycles if
the chance is given.
===============================
Name:........... Mr_PantZ
E-Mail:......... Mr_PantZ@hotmail.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
1:Thou shalt hate Pokemon
2:Thou shalt smash any Pop albums/singles within 20m radius of self
3:Thou shall spit on Sabrina the teenage witch and her possesed cat
4:Thou shall play countless hours of Quake3 or other violent videogame of choice.
5:Thou shall not play G.A.S.P on the n64
6:Thou shall not watch Saturday Disney
7:Thou shall not wake up before 11:30 am on Sundays
8:Thou shall worship me buy taking stimulate of choice (eg Coffee, Pot etc etc..)
9:Thou shall perform ritual killings of K-Zone magazine at least once a month
10:Thou shall dream of beating the Crap out of Osama Bin-Laden every night
11:There is no eleven your stoned. Youve obviously had little too much of 8.
===============================
Name:........... Andrew Robins
E-Mail:......... Themagicbean@hotmail.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
1. Do not worship any type of Idol I.E. The severed head of a monkey, A pigmy
statue or your salad fork you weirdo...
2. Do not act like a little twerp and ask me for signs for stupid things like
(dear god. If you want me to eat these cookies for you dont show me a sign.)
3. DONT TAKE MY NAME IN VAIN GODDAMMIT!!
4.Dont work on Sunday. Take it off. Go to a movie. Worry about tomorrow,When you
have to go back to school/work and you probabally will have a hangover.
5.The rest of the time work your sorry ass off and Maybe you will get into
heaven.
6.Kids. Dont be little Bastards and cry and scream when you dont get a toy.
7.Dont kill people. Unless your real old and/or feel like throwing in the towel.
Go steal a tank and take as many people as possible.
8.Dont screw around with other chicks when your married you butthole.
9.Dont lie about people you know or I will tell them all about that one time in
college when on a dare you had anal sex with a dead chicken. You know when Im
talking about.
10.Dont hit on your neighbors wife or his horse or his butler or maid you
shithead. If she hits on you then its cool but at any other time we will find a
way to again remind them about that one time with the chicken...
===============================
------------------------------------
Name:........... DISGUSTIN' DUSTIN
E-Mail:......... disgustindustin@cox-internet.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
1}. THOU SHALL GIVE WRATH TO ALL WHO DESERVE PUNISHMENT!
2}. IT SHALL BE ILLEGAL FOR BEAUTIFUL WOMEN TO WEAR CLOTHING!
3}. DEATH METAL MUSIC SHALL BE ON EVERY CHANNEL,RADIO THAT THE TREND MUSIC ONCE
EXISTED!
4}.THOU SHALL BE "THANKS GIVING" EVERYDAY!
5}.ALL THY HOLY PEOPLE SHALL HAVE EMPLOYMENT...AS CRASH TEST DUMMIES!
6}.THOU SHALL TURN ALL THE "HYPOCRITICAL" CHURCHES INTO SHELTER FOR THE POOR!
7}. THY LEGAL AGE LIMIT OF DRINKING WILL BE "BIRTH"!
8}.FOR MARIJUANA TO BE DISPLAYED AT YOUR LOCAL "CONVIENIENT" STORE!
9}. THOU THAT BE "FAG" SHALL BE DRAWN AND QUARTERED!
10}. THOU WHO GOES BY THESE LAWS SHALL GAIN MUCH PLEASURE AND SATISFACTION.
...AND I WILL WIN A "WARRIOR NUN"!!!!!!
===============================
-----------------------------------
Name:........... Imperfect/2
E-Mail:......... imperfect@sympatico.ca
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
The New Ten Commandmants:
1) Thou shalt not blatantly plug thy site.
2) That shalt visit http://imperfexion.cjb.net , ignoring the first commandment for just a little bit.
3) Thou shalt look both ways before crossing the street, then ignore the cars
and play "Dodge 'em."
4) Thou shalt not kill. Unless, like, you have a rilly good reason. But ask me
first. If I don't respond, then it's cool.
5) Thou shalt not be a Wad. Wadly.
6) Thou shalt not suck up, in order to gain prizes and fame.
7) Thou shalt visit http://www.I-Mockery.com daily, ignoring the sixth commandment for just a little bit.
8) At some point in thy life, thou shalt read the abridged version of "The
Princess Bride" by William Goldman, and thusly be enriched.
9) Thou shalt not pine over thy ex-girlfriend. Trust Me, it only makes life
harder.
10) Okay, fine, pine then. Now, see what happened? Sucks don't it?
Commandment ten: Always listen to Me, dammit. But you had to learn that one the
hard way, now didn't you?
===============================
-------------------------------------
Name:........... Juliet
E-Mail:......... rainbow_dragon@msn.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
1)Thou shalt lay down at my feet and worship these very spiffy Dr. Martens that
were given me, ahem, my son, Jesus, as a tithe.
2)Thou shalt not eat veggie burgers for they are a gross distortion of the true
and honorable 100% beef burger.
3)Thou shalt avoid killing whenever possible for I do not appreciate the extra
work. I absolutely ditest filing.
4)Thou shalt not worship any other but me and my Dr. Martens without having
filled out the proper forms telling me what you are placing your new faith on,
why, and you must submit a picture of your new idol. If the forms don't come
back to you within the span of seven years with a stamp of approval, then your
request has been denied.
5)Thou shalt not breed with Republicans nor those that listen to country music.
6)Thou shalt not masturbate without proper visual stimulation.
7)Thou shalt not practice or promote abstinence lest you wish to die of a stress
related illness only to suffer more stress in the inferno below.
8)Thou shalt not depend on me for every little thing. I do not have the time or
the patience to make your hair grow faster just because you decided to dye it a
color that makes you look fat.
9)Thou shalt dance in the fields naked with sparklers in your hands and
butterfly clips in your hair singing "All Things Bright and Beautiful" every
first and second Wednesday of the month.
10)Thou shalt disregard that last commandment for I was high when I thought of
it.
===============================
Name:........... Dan Masters
E-Mail:......... ultimadude@aol.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
1) Thou shalt not get caught.
2) Thou shalt not commit adultery unless thou dost intend to share.
3) Thou shalt honor thy father and mother until they piss thee off.
4) Thou shalt not weild a blade. It doth be much cooler to slay thine opponents barehanded.
5) Thou shalt speak thy mind, even when it doth seem innappropriate...like at a funeral
6) Thou shalt not lie...unless it benefits thee.
7) Thou shalt not kill unless thou hast a good alibi or a good serpent-man.
8) Thou shalt mock religion whenever the opportunity doth present itself.
9) Thou shalt provide sinners to Hell whenever possible so thou dost get a good seat.
10) Thou shalt position thyself to blackmail thy superiors in case the need doth arrive.
===============================
Name:........... Grub
E-Mail:......... Grubby@law.com
===============================
My New 10 Commandments:
1. Thow shalt notteth smoketh lesseth than one joint, or equally sized bowl, lesseth than every hour.
2. If you are arrested for Credit Card Fraud, you don't know me!
3. Don't sell drugs to people that keep looking behind you and when asked what they keep lookin at, they repeadetly say "Nothing."
4. Women must worship Small Penises!
5. Men must worship their large penises.
6. Don't shower with men ,not even after football practice, because it's gay.
7. When the cute monkey at the zoo starts flinging it's own feces at you. Throw rocks at it until you manage to crush the frontal lobage of his brain in.
8. No matter what the priest that likes you so much at the church says, it's not OK to hang upside down in the shower and jerk off into your mouth.
9. You know your not a pimp until you own a cellphone with internet capabilities.
10. Don't breed until you have helped with the population control by killing at least 2 people.
Golden Rule: I'll show you mine if you show me yours.
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