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Your education of
how to be a Metalhead now continues with more thrasharific pics!
Underpants Guy" would normally be the type of person that would
scare us all if we met him in a dark alley. BUT, if you're gonna be
as Metal as this guy, you can't let anybody find out what your real
name is. His real name is Francis.
The members of "Profanatica"
prove that some pictures don't need funny captions.
One good way to come up with a name for your band is from personal
experiences. Take these guys for example. They came up with "The
Blitz" after they were rushed by angry mobs anytime they tried to
play a single note of their cock rock.
True Metalheads don't
start out with human sacrifices. They practice their chopping,
hacking, and carving skills at local butcher shops first. As you can
see on the left, Nort "Black Adder" Kawalski had a little mishap and
chopped off his hand.
Don't worry about it Nort, you'll get the hand of it soon enough!
This is the Norwegian
metal god Vlort Klompt ÷berdeen.
He has been frozen in ice to perfectly preserve just how fucking
members of the human race can actually become when they put their
minds to it.
Oops, you'll have to
excuse me. I don't know how this picture made it onto this page.
These guys are definitely NOT metal. My bad...
After a long day of
prancing nude through giant piles of leaves, the boys of "Touch My
Nipple" retire to their garage, where they stroke their instruments
with lustful force.
Then when they're done with that, they start their actual band
"Well I hear that John Petrucci used an XZY-7Q model of compression
unit during the solo at mark 15:10:203:865 minute with a solo in the
Phrygian scale in a 29/16 time with occasional changes into
propecian scale that only two other people in this universe know how
to play. I know this for certain because that's my favorite part to
masturbate to while have homoerotic fantasies of my 38 year old ass
losing my virginity to each band member by reaming my ass
consecutively (in various time signatures) in a gravy train fashion
while being online so I can tell all my
friends in the Ytse Jam fanclub chat room as it happens!"
Ever wondered what
it's like when you first wake up after a "fan" smashes a bottle on
your head for not playing a "Skynyrd" tune? Well you get to stare at
a bunch of confused idiots who are excited to inform you that the
same "fan" stole your wallet and your girlfriend while you were
laying in a puddle of your own vomit. The Metal Life!
Another band bites the
dust. Something a true Metalhead must learn to deal with is the fact
that he or she will have to go through band breakups. Members get
into fights, don't show up to practice, and sometimes even die. In
the case of this band, "Jizzlord" got upset when "Lil' Spikey"
accidentally smacked him in the arm with some of his spikes. "Jizzlord"
then when crying home to his mom and was never seen again.
Here we have Leif
‹berfelch, a Viking warlord from another time come to show us all the ways of
metal. And just like all of his Metal brethren, he is indeed "The
Distracted by Eddie's enormous robotic crotch, Iron Maiden
guitarist, Dave Murray screws up yet another solo and continues to
convince us all that the band should've broken up ages ago. Perhaps
Eddie has come to put an end to the band himself?
"They may take our lives but they'll never take our freeeedooooommmm!"
Hold on, these guys have no lives if they are standing out in
cold-ass England half naked playing "Braveheart" together. So go
ahead, kill 'em! They have nothing to lose!
The budget was tight, so this band decided to go Glamour Shots
at their local mall and go for the King Arthur setting. However, the
were made for a much larger individual and sadly, this photo was
identical to their high school prom 'King and Queen' photo.
Next on Fox, "When comic book geeks get violent."
In case you were wondering what some metalheads look like behind the
Enjoy the above "Make-up on" and "Make-up off" pics!
Manowar was really embarrassed when their record label accidentally
picture for their new XXX movie "Greased up Man-loving Anal Antics
as the cover of their new album. Ironically enough, Manowar fans
couldn't tell the difference from their regular album photos.
Metalhead Coverage Coming Soon!