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Who would
have thought that these simple, little pink figures would have ever become
such a huge hit? They didn't have movable parts (well they did if you were
one of those disturbed kids that enjoyed torturing your figures by
removing limbs and setting them on fire) and they were PINK.
Not exactly something that you would imagine would be popular with violent
little bastard kids. Still, M.U.S.C.L.E. figures proved to win over the
hearts of just about everybody. They were affordable, collectable, and
were fun to put on display in huge armies of pink madness. Later there
were other colors of the figures released, including red, purple, and
blue. But nothing compares to the original pink versions. NOTHING!
The M.U.S.C.L.E. "Hard Knockin' Rockin' Ring"!
It was the the best way to hold M.U.S.C.L.E. matches
(until the prongs broke off)
The
M.U.S.C.L.E. figures were based on Kinnikuman from Japan. There is a
fairly large fanbase for these guys all over the world. You can still get
them on eBay, and many people are pushing for them to be re-released... as
they should be! They're obviously cheap enough to make and there's a great
demand for them. Some fans even go to such extremes as painting their M.U.S.C.L.E. figures to give them a custom look. I like the figures a lot
'n all, but I just don't have the desire to give them a makeover so that
they look like the members of GWAR. Leave 'em pink!
One thing always
bugged me about the M.U.S.C.L.E. figures though... except for MuscleMan
and Terri-Bull, the rest of the figures were never really given any names.
Well damnit, I've decided it's high time these lil' pink guys get some
names!
And thanks to a giant M.U.S.C.L.E.
poster that displays all 233 of these original pink warriors, I can now share with
you my names for each figure along with descriptions of them. So enjoy
this trip down M.U.S.C.L.E. memory lane, for after months, the list is
finally complete! And now, let us begin and give these pink guys the
identities they deserve!
M.U.S.C.L.E.
- Millions of Unusual Small Creatures Lurking
Everywhere.
Figures: [1-25]
[26-50] [51-75] [76-100] [101-125]
[126-150] [151-175] [176-200] [201-233]
[Mr. Blocky Tribute]
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Name:
MuscleMan
Number: 1
Description: This is the main guy that
we all remember. He was the leader of the "Thug Busters". You were required
by law to own this figure if you wanted to consider yourself a real
M.U.S.C.L.E. fanatic. |
 |
Name:
Terri-Bull
Number: 2
Description: Terri-Bull was the leader
of the "Cosmic Crunchers", but I'm not quite sure how he got the job. I
mean, he can't even afford to replace the broken horn on his head? For a
leader, that's pretty sad. |
 |
Name:
Mr. Blocky
Number: 3
Description: There were many
variations of this guy. He was easily one of the more popular characters.
But is it me or is he just a little too happy? He's waving to us with glee
and his blocky penis is sticking right out. In this case, I believe his happy
demeanor is just a ploy to draw an enemy in close. Once the enemy is close
enough, he would feed that enemy directly into the the rollers on his
chest. The enemy would then be crushed, just like the big guy in Indiana
Jones and the Temple of Doom who got his turban caught in the rock crusher
rollers. |
 |
Name:
Clamp-O-Johnson
Number: 4
Description: Part Lobster. Part Alien.
All Loser. Clamp-O-Johnson always got his ass kicked, and I hate him for
that. |
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Name:
Mr. Planet
Number: 5
Description: If he's really made up of
planets, they must be some pretty friggin' small ones. Looks more like
he's suffering from the "Popeye Syndrome", with the big bulges
in his arms and legs. |
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Name:
El Seed
Number: 6
Description: I know he's supposed to
be a lizard, but I can't help but be reminded of El Seed from "The
Tick" when I see this guy. He kicked a lot of M.U.S.C.L.E. ass in the
name of plants! |
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Name:
Mr. Peanut's Son
Number: 7
Description: A long time ago, Mr. Peanut had a son
and then gave him up for adoption. His son later on went to become one of
the most fucked up M.U.S.C.L.E. characters ever. He is determined to prove
to his father that he is a good little peanut, by kicking M.U.S.C.L.E. ass. |
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Name:
Ed
Number: 8
Description: There was nothing
particularly interesting about this guy. He was just one of those "filler" figures that they made when they were out of ideas. If
you were trading M.U.S.C.L.E. figures with someone and you wanted to make
the deal seem better, chances are you'd throw in a few figures like this.
That way, it was no loss to you, and the other guy would think he's
getting a great deal because you gave him a few extra figures like this
one. Hahah, what a sucker. |
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Name:
Mr. Deflated Planet
Number: 9
Description: This guy reminds me of
Mr. Planet (#5), only the air in his planets seems to have escaped. So he
doesn't look nearly as tough as the original Mr. Planet. |
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Name:
Construction Worker Guy
Number: 10
Description: Another pointless
character. If he had a tool belt and a vest, he might be able to pass as
one of the members of the Village People though. YMCA baby! |
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Name:
Frog-Tongue-Head Jack
Number: 11
Description: I always liked this guy.
Looks like he's got frog tongues sticking out of his head. And as you all
know, any guy that has sticky frog tongues protruding from his head MEANS
BUSINESS! |
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Name:
Pimpbot 5000
Number: 12
Description: If you've ever seen Late
Night with Conan O'Brien, chances are you've seen Pimpbot in action. As if
his switchblade wasn't threatening enough, now he's got claws too! |
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Name:
Mum-Ra
Number: 13
Description: Straight from the
pyramids, this guy would confuse his opponents by doing the "Walk
Like An Egyptian" dance and then move in for the kill. Definitely a
formidable fighter. |
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Name:
Mega Man
Number: 14
Description: First he kicked Dr.
Willy's ass in the NES Mega Man games. Now, he's come to the world of
M.U.S.C.L.E. to continue his megarific ways. |
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Name:
Mr. Blocky - Tron Sentinel version.
Number: 15
Description: This is probably the most
famous version of the Mr. Blocky character. I think everybody I knew had
about 5 of these guys. He has taken on the form of those flying sentinels
from the movie TRON. But he added a little bit of his own flair to it by
putting a happy sun image right under his face. Mr. Blocky is so happy. |
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Name:
Hacksaw Jim Dougan
Number: 16
Description: Just give this guy a 4x4
and a beer gut and he'd be a perfect match for the old patriotic wrestler,
Hacksaw Jim Dougan, of the WWF. "Hooooooo!" |
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Name:
MuscleMan In-Training
Number: 17
Description: This guy is basically a
smaller version of MuscleMan (#1), but he's obviously still in training as
you can see by the size of his cape. It's tiny! Only when you become a
master do you get the full-length cape. |
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Name:
Galaxo
Number: 18
Description: Here's your basic,
run-of-the-mill alien fighter. Kinda reminds me of the Protoss from
Starcraft, but somehow I don't think he'd put up quite as much of a fight
as they would. Being pink 'n all... |
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Name:
Mix-n-Match
Number: 19
Description: They just threw a bunch
of shit together for this guy. Most likely the result of one of those
nights where the M.U.S.C.L.E. figure design team just couldn't put down
the crack pipe. |
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Name:
Spud
Number: 20
Description: Another character that is
like MuscleMan (#1), only this is the midget-version of him. This bulky
lil' fella was a tough guy to beat in the M.U.S.C.L.E. ring though. I
remember him fitting perfectly into the prongs and being extremely hard to
knock out of them. Also has a strong resemblance to "Ram-Man"
from the He-Man cartoon. |
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Name:
Warlord Wally
Number: 21
Description: Wally likes war. He
doesn't really care who he's fighting... other wrestlers, small children,
lasagna... it doesn't matter to Warlord Wally. As far as he's concerned,
it's Wally vs. The World! |
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Name:
Vick Da' Vice
Number: 22
Description: Vick is a wrestling
perfectionist. In fact, he puts so much pressure on himself that he
figured if he attached a vice grip to his head, it would make him that
much more impervious to pain. |
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Name:
Rocko
Number: 23
Description: Sure he's a little guy,
but he's got a heart made out of stone. Er, actually, his entire body is
made of stone. He can take punches from some of the toughest wrestlers and
keep on fightin! Go on Rocko! Go on with your bad self! |
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Name:
Cubix
Number: 24
Description: Rumored to be related to
Mr. Blocky (#3), Cubix is made up of... that's right, CUBES! He's a
walking, talking, Rubick's Cube. Only you don't have to worry about
matching up the right colors on each side of him. Since he's completely
pink, all of the sides match perfectly. |
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Name:
Hula-Dancer Bill
Number: 25
Description: He's got another one of
those generic M.U.S.C.L.E. bodies, but with a grass miniskirt and one hell
of a dandy mustache, Hula-Dancer Bill stands out from the other generic
wrestlers! |
| [Click
to see Figures 26 - 50] |
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